Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Struggling

I got a call today from my friend H. She told me our mutual friend K is in the hospital. K has some kind of severe abdominal pain. The doctors think it might be her appendix but they weren't sure. I asked if they were going to operate and H said that there were complications. I asked what kind of complications and H told me that K is 9 weeks pregnant. ?????? !!!!!

I was shocked. I had talked to K just last week. I had seen her weeks before that. K is the one person I can always go to when I am struggling with my own inability to get pregnant. K is the one who prays for and with me. K is the one I turn to in my struggle with infertility and she's...pregnant?

H told me that it was an unexpected surprise. I guess it must have been since all 3 of K's kids are in their teens and as far as I know they weren't trying to get pregnant. Anyway, in shock I told H that I would visit K at the hospital today since I don't have school.

On the way to the hospital I stopped to get some flowers and a card. When I got to the hospital I realized I could not see K today. I filled out the card explaining why I couldn't see her today but that I'd be praying for her.

On my way home K called my cell phone and left a voicemail apologizing for not telling me. She kept saying she was sorry and hoped I be OK. I got home and cried. Another of our mutual friends called to check on me and I found out that all the friends in our circle knew about K's pregnancy except me. She didn't know how to tell me and was waiting to tell me in person next week when we all got together for prayer.

This is so not fair. K wasn't even trying to get pregnant. K didn't want to get pregnant that I know of. In the 2 1/2 years we've been meeting together for prayer it never once came up. Yet every time it was my prayer to get pregnant and have a baby. I'm not sure how to deal with this right now. So far I've dealt with it by crying and telling God how unfair it is. I'm sure that's the mature thing to do, right?

3 comments:

Robin said...

Amy, I have been in your shoes more times than I care to count in the past 16 years, therfore I have chosen not to count any longer. I wish I had answers for you, but in reality the answer I have is God. He is the only one who can fill the void, He is the one who created you and loves you. Just wanted you to know you are not alone and I will pray for you as you walk thru this time. Understand your friends did not want to hurt you more than you already are hurting, it took me a long time to get there myself but I did. It's nice to finally be at a place that I don't see dread on people's faces when they tell me they are pregnant. But that took me allowing God to change my heart and I regret that I didn't allow it sooner, I missed so many opportunities to enjoy pregnancies and new babies with those I am close to. But I'm living proof that its possible and now I make the best of it and look at the future and not the past because I can't change the past.

bmiad said...

I'm so sorry. I'll never forget how much that sort of thing hurt. It sounds like your friend loves you a lot and understands that this is hard for you, though. You're in my prayers.

Hillary said...

It's hard when that happens. You want someone, the universe, whoever, to acknowledge that it just is not fair. And it's not fair. I'm sorry.