Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Stuff You Learn in the Steam

If any of you reading this know of some sort of salve, lotion, or potion I can use to soothe my cracked, sore, scabby, and crusty nose can you please leave a comment or email me? My nose is so sore I can barely blow it anymore.  When I do need to blow it, it hurts to the point of bringing tears to my eyes.  There is a lovely, sexy crust all around my nose, upper lip, and nostrils.

So, it’s Halloween.  What do you do if you happen to get a proliferation of teenagers sans costume showing up at your door demanding candy?  You can do what we do.  We have one bowl of candy for the regular, costumed trick or treaters and we have one bowl for the too cool for school teens.  The bowl for the becostumed crowd is full of yummy, yummy chocolately goodness.  Bob sometimes affixes some of these treats with coins and cash for an extra little surprise.  The candy bowl for the uncostumed crowd is full of yucky candy like black licorice bites, raisins, those peanut butter taffy things that are wrapped in orange and black paper, and those gum pieces that are usually wrapped in red, yellow, and blue paper and lose their flavor after 1 second of chewing.  We figure if there is no effort put forth in choosing and wearing a costume, we will not put forth an effort in the candy we give out.  I read of one blogger who saves gross candy throughout the year and she offers that stuff to the uncostumed.  Pop rocks from the 80s?  Goes in the bowl.  Lick’em Aid from last summer?  In the bowl.  A box of unopened Raisinettes found under the seat of your car?  In the bowl.  Good idea, no?

So I’m feeling better today (albeit not so much around the nose) though last night was difficult.  I intended to go to bed early but with a girls weekend away looming directly after work on Friday, school tomorrow, and Halloween tonight, I had to use last night to do some packing, organizing, and general getting ready.  I was in bed by 10 but awake again around midnight with a hacking coughing fit.  Not wanting to keep Bob awake, I got up and went into our second bathroom, turned the shower on hot, and sat in the steamy room for about an hour.  While sitting there, I read through our cruise brochure.  I learned a lot.  For instance, did you know that cruises charge $10 a day to your lodging bill for hospitality services?  Did you further know that they automatically charge 15% on all drink tabs for tips?  Did you also know that they won’t allow a baby younger than 12 weeks or a woman more than 24 weeks pregnant on board?  Yeah.  So in doing the numbers this means that we have missed the cut off for the baby.  If we were to get pregnant anytime between now and the end of March, the baby would be too young to board or leave with relatives (which I couldn’t do anyway).  So it’s a no go with trying in November or December.  BUT if we try and get pregnant in January or February, I will be too far along in my pregnancy to cruise.  So it looks like we can’t try again with the inseminations until March and beyond.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  That’s more than 4 months away.  That’s 4 tries we are giving up. It’s more time slipping away, never to be used again.  However, it’s also 4 months we can use to do everything we can to increase our odds health-wise.  Bob and I are not of the mind to put our lives on hold for any reason since we have learned that time is precious and you only get what you get so make the most of it now.  So, I guess we are going to wait until March before the next round of inseminations.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

My Little Chickadee

Nothing is going on with me right now other than the cold I’m still sporting.  My nose is raw and sore and an attractive shade of red.  I look like WC Field’s sassy younger sister.  I now also have an equally attractive hacking cough.  I sound like a barking seal.  Last night after work I went home, fed the cats, cleaned up a bit and went to bed.  I was in bed and mostly asleep before 7pm.  Still, I woke several times over the course of the evening with either difficulty breathing from my stuffy, stuffy nose or choking on a lovely phlegmy cough.  I am so sexy.

Thankfully though my current class features another team project, it is not the scope of the last class project.  I am so thankful because with this cold I am not as on top of my schoolwork game as I normally would be.  I will have to crank it up a notch next week.  However, this weekend is girl’s weekend away so it looks like I will be whiling away time over my laptop amidst the picturesque Brainerd Lakes area.  Last year when we took this trip it was opening weekend for deer hunting and there was a trio of hunters also staying at the same resort.  We awoke the next morning to the site of a large gutted doe hanging in the tree outside our window.  When I pointed the deer out to my friend, she kept saying, “Where?  Where is it?  I don’t see it.”  She was looking for a live deer and was not expecting the horrific gorefest of the gutted doe.  A quick Google search of deer hunting dates in MN shows that deer opener is again this coming weekend for the majority of our state.  Lovely.

So Thursday marks the first day of our new manager at work.  I’m not sure what to say about it all except that as a co-worker I liked this person quite a bit.  I didn’t work with her much but I did like her when I did.  I was talking to a co-worker and about the change and we agreed that we are cautiously optimistic about her coming on as manager but we fear she may be more in the back pocket of the higher-ups than our previous managers.  I think she may actually be younger than I am too.  Anyway, we are having lunch catered (as I mentioned in a previous post) and it looks like there are meetings scheduled throughout the day.  The new manager to be DID email me out of the blue the other day and said she was looking forward to meeting with me to talk about how the things I’ve been learning at school might be applied to my current job, so that seems positive, right?

As far as my own job hunt goes, nothing is happening.  I’m applying for jobs within Big Bank Co but I keep getting the automated emails back saying, “Thanks but no.  We’re going another way.”  I’ve applied for a couple of radio jobs but gotten word back that I will not be asked in for an interview.  I DID hear from a professor at my college and he said it might be beneficial for me to take some radio courses at school next semester if I think that’s something I’d like to do.  In the meantime, I’ve also applied for a couple of positions my college has open and am hoping to at least get an interview out of them.  All this applying and no interviewing is somewhat disheartening but at least I know it’s not just me.  The chick that sits in the cube next to me has also had similar luck with her job applying AND another co-worker of ours has shared much the same story in her job hunting.  Still, we soldier on.

So, we are going on an Alaskan Cruise in September.  Bob is super excited and mentions it at least once every day. He’s also become miserly in administering our finances in order to make sure we have enough fun money to take with us. We have most of the cost of the trip saved up but need to have money for incidentals and fun stuff on the trip.  I am glad he is good this way because I am not.  Yesterday he said, “You could be pregnant on this trip.”  I said, “If our insemination in November or December is successful, we could actually have a baby.”  So now we are thinking of putting off our next insemination try until January so as to avoid the whole taking a newborn on vacation thing.  Although if we are successful in January, I will be 8-9 months pregnant…so maybe we should put it off until February or March.  Sheesh.  We gave up our Seattle vacation this year to pursue a baby.  Maybe we will be giving up a baby to pursue our vacation?  Nah.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Definitely a Cold

It’s a cold.  It’s moving to my chest now though my nose is still alternating between runny and stuffy.  I slept poorly what with having one nostril completely stuffed and one nostril a hose of runny snot.  My poor nose is so raw from all the blowing, wiping, and rubbing.  I am coughing, my ears are full, and my muscles are achy and I just want to go to bed.  But I am a good little trooper and am at work.  I know, I know I am spreading the germs but I work in a culture where if you use PTO for sick days, you are a loser and snide comments are made upon your return.  Plus I am low on PTO and need to save it for graduation and the like.  In the meantime I am drinking juice, water, and tea and am keeping on top of the symptoms with Sudafed and cough drops.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Cold or Flu?

I have a cold. Or is the the flu? I'm pretty sure it's a cold. It started on Thursday with sinus aches and a husky voice but nothing else until late Friday night. Then the stuffy nose, sore throat, sinus headache, and body aches. It came full on yesterday and today I am just really miserable. I made a run to the pharmacy to get some cold medicine, tissues, juice, and cough drops. I also picked up some candy for Halloween since we haven't done that yet. Anyway, I am glad that the cold came full on over the weekend so I can get maximum rest. I knew I would end up sick one of these days. With work and school going full tilt, I am not getting the rest I need to stay healthy. Usually I can stay off the illness until after finals but in this case it didn't happen that way.

Even in my state of full on mucusness Bob and I were able to get to the travel show at the convention center yesterday. We went to price Alaskan cruises. We ended up finding one and put a deposit on it. We are going in September. We chose September because the fares are cheaper, the scenery spectacular with fall color, and the chance to see Northern Lights are bigger. Plus we figure we will miss the height of tourist season and will have more of the boat to ourselves. Bob is like a little boy. He keeps saying, "We're going to Alaska!". He is very excited. We got a good deal and have until June to pay it off. No problem. We've been saving for nearly 2 years.

The rest of today is slated to be filled with kleenex, coughing, and naps. I hate colds. Or is it the flu?

Friday, October 26, 2007

What's the Date Today?

So one class down and three to go.  This class is not going to be quite as difficult as the last one but we had to split into groups for yet another foray into “The Group Project”.  Should I be offended that the two people from my former group immediate got together and grabbed another girl to make up their group?  I am grouped with the two oldest women in the class who have both said at different times that they don’t care about the grade/work anymore they just want to get through this.  Yikes!  Still, our final project is a paper (15-20 pages) and a Power Point presentation (20-30 minutes) due the last night of class (3 weeks from yesterday).  So three more weeks until I don’t have to deal with any of this any more.

Here is a fun little work story.  The interim manager comes to me and asks me to poll my co-workers about their preferences for a nice lunch. See, we are welcoming the new manager and the big boss with a “nice” lunch instead of the usual pizza.  So I poll the group and it seems the majority thinks some kind of Asian fare or even Greek food would be a nice change of pace.  So I bring this information to Miz Interim and she keeps saying lasagna.  I keep saying, “no, Chinese, Thai, or Greek”.  Still, she brings up lasagna.  Then she tells me that Italian it is!  WTF?  So then she assigns me the task of emailing the team and asking if there is any food in the Italian genre that people abhor or might be allergic to.  I do this and get various team members responding to me like, WTF?  I can only say that it seems I was given this task so that there is an appearance of catering to the masses when really there was an agenda all along.

Bob and I are going to go to a travel show this weekend.  We are still saving and planning on an Alaskan cruise and we want to talk to someone in the know about costs and accessibility.  Also, there are government reps there with passport information.  Bob needs a passport and I need to update mine.  Should be interesting.

This morning was a comedy of errors for sure.  I got to bed late last night because of class and then I just tossed and turned until well after 12:30.  My alarm went off this morning but I must have hit the off button because next thing I know it’s 7:05 and I’ve got 25 minutes to get ready/dressed, cats fed, and be at work.  Did I do it?  You betcha.  I was in my seat at 7:31.  I look like something my cats yacked up and the adrenaline didn’t stop pumping until nearly 8.  Still, that is yet another reason I am thankful I live 2 miles from my work.  Once I got to work, I went to get my coffee and breakfast.  I got a lovely piece of quiche and a pumpkin latte.  Upon taking my first sip of latte, I had to take it back because it was, sadly, not a pumpkin latte.  They remade my latte and I went upon my merry way.  Once back at my desk I settled in to take a nice big bite of quiche only to have to spit it into the trash.  It was so salty that it seemed as though someone mistakenly substituted salt for eggs.  It was so bad.  So it was back downstairs to tell the cooks about the salt lick that was the quiche and ask for a replacement breakfast which they gladly replaced.  Is it Friday the 13th?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Fun Times

We had so much fun last night!  The Chanhassen Dinner Theater is a lot of fun but is no cheap date.  This being our first time, we were schooled.  Our tickets were free and included dinner and the show.  However, if you wanted any other drink besides water, you were charged.  If you wanted something other than the 4 meals listed for free, you were charged.  If you wanted an appetizer or dessert, you were charged.  Our free night out ended up being $40 plus tip!  Oh well, it was still fun (and we have the bottomless cups to prove it!).  The show was a one man show called The Wonder Bread Years.  It was about growing up in simpler times and really played on the memories and emotions of the boomers and X-ers in the crowd.  Bob thought it funny but mentioned that he couldn’t really relate because he didn’t grow up in a 2 parent household.  Looking back, I can see where that would be important.  Still, it was humorous and there were parts where I was laughing so hard I was crying.  It felt so good.  Dinner was OK but I think when we go back next month to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, I will order either the special (which you pay extra for) or the chicken.

The best part of last night was spending time with our friends Scott and Laurie.  We just have so much fun hanging out with them.  Every time we do, we say we should do it more often and yet we don’t.  Still, I’m going to make more of a concerted effort to do stuff with Laurie. She is 4 years older than I am but has an almost empty nest and is looking for things to do with her free time.  They are just so much fun.

Tonight is the first night of my last class.  That feels so good to say.  Four weeks and I am done. Done. Done.  However, tonight being my first night of class, would you think there was homework?  You would be right.  Would you think I would have finished said homework? You would be wrong.  Senioritis has set in and taken over in such a way that it has robbed my brain of school organization and ambition. I knew I had homework.  I knew I had x amount of days/time to get it done.  However, it didn’t get done until my lunch hour today.  I was supposed to go to a Leaders Luncheon for work but instead bowed out in order to get my homework done for class tonight. I am lucky that today’s homework was not more taxing.  There have been other classes where an hour working on homework wouldn’t have put a dent into it.  Thankfully that is not the case here and I can leave work today with a complete assignment.  Whew!  Four more weeks to DONE!

I am waiting for Bob to call me.  He had to go to a local clinic today to drop off his…sample for analysis.  He HATES this part of our infertility issues but it’s something that has to be done.  And really, how hard is it to do what he has to do when he really only has to do it once a month or so?  My clinic visits are so much more invasive and uncomfortable what with getting the ho-haw wand inserted at every visit.  You haven’t LIVED until some ultrasound tech has stretched you out from the inside looking for your left ovary.  “You might feel some pressure…there.”  Pressure my eye.  More like force of a thousand kitty cats marching across the inside of my uterus but whatever.  Anyway, he hasn’t called yet and I can’t decide if it’s because he skipped out on the appointment altogether or he just isn’t back yet.  Hope it went well.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Just Peachy

Three straight days of sunshine, some improved sleep, and a little loving have greatly improved my…state of mind.  I have just been feeling so out of sorts lately.  I have been feeling very fragile and anxious and sad.  I can’t point to a specific thing as the cause but I am assuming that there are multiple causes all bunched up to create the inner turmoil.  However, the shining sun has been helpful in the smallest of ways.

Yesterday was Bob’s birthday.  We are going out to celebrate tonight with friends.  Last night I made a beef roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, peas, and rolls for dinner.  I also made his requested birthday cake, spice with cream cheese frosting for dessert.  He LOVED the meal but for some reason I was feeling poorly and felt ill so I just had very little to eat before cleaning up and heading for bed.  Tonight we are going to the Chanhassen Dinner Theater for dinner and a show with friends.  It should be fun but we have no idea what to expect since none of us have ever been there.

So things are kind of on the ball again as far as my photography goes.  I got the job with the PR firm on the line AND I just received notice that the ONE photo I submitted for a local fall color photo contest won!  Here’s what winning entails:  As a winner, your photo may be featured in one of our newscasts during the Fall Colors Forecasts, as well as in the Fall Colors Forecast slideshow on our website.  Your name will also be entered into the drawing for the Fall Colors Forecast Grand Prize.  (The grand prize is a stay at a swanky hotel in Duluth.) So no monetary winnings but since all contestants were only able to enter one photo, it’s an honor that mine is amongst the winners.  I have yet to hear from the PR Firm on when their next event is but they did ask for my mailing address so I’m assuming a calendar is on its way.  Next up, business cards.  I’ve decided to call my business: Captivating.  It has personal significant meaning and I think it is the word that describes what draws people to certain photographs and photographers…they are captivating.

Our new manager has been selected and introduced to us.  She is someone from another department in our building and as far as her selection as manager goes, I guess it’s fine. However, apparently our response was underwhelming in its reaction to the news because the interim manager has been questioning everyone ad nauseum about our feelings on the matter.  Finally, in yesterday’s 1:1 with her, I told her we are a little weary of all the changes and wary of them as well.  We have been told one thing only to have actions relay another that we just don’t really care any more. We all tend to be operating on a “wait and see” mode.  I also told her that the morale is horrible and the team is just tired.  She then went on to get defensive about all the changes and things that have happened in the past year.  I interrupted her and told her we know the reasons these things happened but she asked me a question and I answered it and if she doesn’t like the answer, she shouldn’t ask the question.  I told her I was being as honest as I could be but if they want to see changes in our attitudes or responses to the word given from above; they should change how they treat the team.  We just left it at that.  Can you tell that things at work are peachy?  So much so that I’ve begun to apply for jobs outside Big Bank Co, eschewing the vesting in my 401k and current good health benefits.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday

Friday was horrible at work. Work pretty much sucks donkey balls right now. We are hearing one thing and then another is done. Last week I was asked to compile a list of the most common errors bankers make on our annuity paperwork. My old boss would have just asked and then all would be well until the meeting. This interim boss asked me on Monday how it was going and then emailed me on Wednesday to ask how it was going. Both times I told her that all was well and the list was mostly compiled and ready for the meeting on Friday. On Friday she stopped by my desk to say she still hadn't received my list. I told her I didn't know I was supposed to get it to her before the meeting. She said she was sure she had made it clear. So I emailed it to all the participants only to get a meeting cancellation notice 10 minutes before the meeting. Also canceled that day was a project me and my co-workers have been working on for over a month that was supposed to be launched November 1st. It's now been pushed back to January or February. I hate putting my all into something that isn't appreciated. I've been actively looking for other work within Big Bank Co and elsewhere and so far...nada.

Saturday was a picture perfect day. Bob and I knew the weather would be lovely so we wanted to spend it outdoors. I went online and found a nice park that is also a working farm not far from us. It's a county park and we didn't even know of its existence until Saturday. It was lovely. The park is on a lake, there are cows, turkeys, sheep, pigs, and chickens. We walked all over and had a great time. We also bought some of the free range chicken eggs they had for sale. Only $2 for a dozen medium eggs. What a deal. Here are some photos from the day:The barn and silo of the farm. The barn was closed so we couldn't check it out, but there were plenty of animals outside to see.This is the calf that was out in an open pen. It was the friendliest calf ever in that it would come right up to the fence for some petting. Too cute. Check out more of my photos of our perfect Indian Summer day over at my Flickr site. Click the badge at the right.

Sunday was a day for cleaning. I cleaned cat boxes. I cleaned out the dishwasher. I vacuumed the carpets. I also went to the grocery store and picked up some items including Bob's birthday cake mix and frosting. I made his cake and some enchiladas for dinner. The rest of the day was just spent vegging and watching TV.

For some reason I could not fall asleep Sunday night. I went to bed around 9pm because I was tired but I woke up at 11 and didn't get back to sleep until 5 this morning. Needless to say I didn't go to work today. I finally got to sleep at 5 or so and slept until 10:30.

Today I mostly just chilled. I DID get a nice email. About a week or so ago I shot pictures at a swanky charity event for a woman I know. She hired me to photograph the attendees of the event. Apparently she liked my work. She emailed that she would like to use me for all her events in the future and will pay my requested fee. Sweet! I told her yes and am now waiting for her to email me her list of event dates and places. ROCK!

Friday I was feeling so crappy. Sometimes I get into a place where because my job sucks and because we haven't yet gotten pregnant, I feel like a failure. I feel like a failure because I'm not where I want to be professionally and I'm not where I want to be familialy. I was just so sad and felt so alone. Then today I get an email like the one I got from this woman and feel invincible. Like I can do whatever I set my mind to doing. I like that feeling so much better.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Cats Don't Like Halloween Costumes

Zoe is not usually this shy but her hair is not properly combed and she is embarassed about her bad hair day.
Maisey would like you to know she hates you and she is not a natural redhead.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I got my final grade for Communication Ethics. As you can see, I got an A-.

Infertility Wrap Up for October

My RE appointment on Friday was difficult. I think I wrote a little bit about it. This was the first time I didn’t go in with a spring in my step and hope in my heart. In fact, I really dreaded this appointment. And I really hated it. Seeing the waiting room filled with pregnant bellies and the hallways lined with precious baby photos just about did me in. I actually teared up while waiting for the ultrasound technician. I just felt so heavy and sad. The tech did the exam and pronounced me fit and healthy and ovulating. I asked if I’m doing so well, why aren’t we getting pregnant. She said that Bob’s sample has actually gotten worse (NOT what I’ve been lead to believe at each insemination.) in number and motility. My RE ordered another semen analysis for him because she is concerned that there may be a problem there. Once he gets that done, we can know more and go from there.

In the mean time, I received my annual benefits enrollment packet which included some changes for infertility benefits. Whereas now I have a 6 tries per confirmed pregnancy on IUI, in 2008 I don’t have a cap on the number of tries but I do have a cap on the amount of money spent. The plan still only covers IUI, not IVF, and still does not cover infertility drugs. The lifetime cap is $10,000. After talking to my insurance company, I called my clinic to see how far that would get us. It seems that each cycle costs roughly $1500 (could be more or less depending on number of ultrasounds and labs needed). So after doing the math, that leaves us with roughly 6 more tries after the first of the year. So we can move forward after this month and try 2 more times in November and December and then try 6 more times in 2008. I don’t know if I’m up for that, but it’s good to know.

A friend of mine came over last night and prayed with me. I felt better after she left…lighter and more hopeful. She had me pray over the phone with a friend of hers who has become known as a man who, when he prays for women to conceive and get pregnant, they do! It was good and he had some good insights during his prayer. The one thing that frustrated me was when he asked me if I have a lot of stress. When I confirmed that yes, life is somewhat stressful, he basically said, “well, stop it, just don’t be stressed.” Um, OK. I’ll try that because it hadn’t occurred to me before! However the rest of the time was fine so I will let that little nugget pass.

Bob and I still agree that this month is IUI-free. So far, so good. I think the biggest frustration of fertility treatments for me is the lie that says, “If you just keep trying or try hard enough, you’ll eventually get pregnant.” It’s just not true. I don’t know the numbers but I do know that there are countless couples who put all their efforts, money, and will into getting pregnant that never do. I don’t yet know if we can be counted among those couples because we have not yet exhausted all our resources but I grit my teeth at the thought of it. It just feels like failure of the worst kind. As a perfectionist and person who believes in the Try, Try Again philosophy, to NOT get pregnant after putting our all into it just feels so must like a personal failure. Sigh.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Taking a Month Off

Turns out that if you have every minute of a week scheduled to the hilt, you end up having very little time to sit and think (or stew as the case may be.) about stuff.  Saturday ended up being a day of little to no “stuff” but lots and lots of thinking (or stewing as the case may be.) and crying.  In the end I have decided that I/we are taking a month off.  One month with no temperature taking, no Clomid, no Progesterone, no charting, no clinic appointments, no HcG shots, no wands up the hoo-ha, no timed intercourse, no sample-taking, no, no, no.  I need a month off from this craziness.

Speaking of the craziness that is conception and pregnancy, one of my dearest friends is due to have a C-section on the 26th.  This will be her second child.  She and her husband had problems conceiving and subsequently had medical help.  It worked for them and now they have two!  I am supremely happy for them but also insanely jealous.  I just want it to be me.

So Friday night turned out to be kind of fun.  I got to the hotel early and was able to set up my tri-pod and get situated. There was a high-end designer trunk show set up in the ballroom.  The clothes were amazing, mostly made of cashmere.  There were also leather boots and bags and belts.  There was a cashmere baby line as well though I couldn’t see paying $150 for a pair of booties or $500 for a cashmere sleeper that would most likely be spit up upon.  Anyway, the evening went well and I took many, many photos of pretty, pretty people and I am mostly happy with them.  I had the chance to pass out my card a couple of times which reminded me that I need to get some cards. Oops.  Everyone kept asking if I was with MN Monthly or Mpls/St. Paul Magazine.  Hee.

I just took a look at the syllabus for my next (last) class.  And what did I find?  I found out that once again, we will be grouped together for a final project/presentation!  Gah!  Out of a possible 330 points for the whole class, the final paper and project are work 200!  The only good thing is that the one gal I don’t get along with will not be in this particular class.  At this point I don’t care who I get grouped with.  It’s my final class and my final project and I will just do what needs to be done to be done.

I don’t know if this is a result of my grief over not being able to conceive or due to the fact that we have only had 3 days of sun in the past 3 weeks, but I am sad and tired and probably depressed.  All I want to do is sleep.  Or lie on the couch and watch TV.  I do stuff around the house only because it needs doing but it takes a lot of effort and self talk to get anything done right now.  Everything just seems so dark and dank and lonely right now.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Done, Done, Done

I am done with my research methods class!  I’m done!  I’m done!  I’m done!  Can you tell I’m feeling good about this?  I think our presentation turned out OK. I am disappointed with how our final power point presentation turned out but my classmates over-ruled me on several things so it just is what it is.  At that point (read the 11th hour) we just wanted the PP to be as basic and easy as possible because there were 4 of us presenting and we didn’t have time to practice and go over each part of the presentation.  So now it’s done and we get what we get.  The grades have to be turned in by next week so I should know more by then.

I talked to my professor after class about the job I applied for.  He gave me the name of another professor at the college who might give me better advice about what to do next.  I wrote him an email this morning detailing my plan and asking his advice.  I know I have what it takes to be a good radio announcer but technology has changed so much in the past decade I just wonder if a couple of broadcasting classes wouldn’t be good to have.  I know a lot of the techie stuff is easy to learn and is mostly learn as you go anyway; I just wanted to know what would look good to a potential employer after a 9 year absence from the scene.

I have to go to the clinic today to go over “the plan” with my RE and to pick up a new semen analysis kit for the hubby.  I’m sure he will be thrilled with that.  It may be that our problem is with the little swimmers after all.

Tonight I am taking photographs for a big fundraising gala at the Grand Hotel.  I’m wiped out but I promised and I’m actually looking forward to it. I just hope the photos turn out and things go well.

I can’t wait until tomorrow.  I have nothing planned, no homework to complete, and I get to sleep in.  Sounds like paradise.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Counting Down the Hours

I don’t think it would be physically possible for me to be any more tired than I am today without falling over.  I have caught my head bobbing and nodding off as I work AND as I use the restroom.  If I had a thousand dollars, I would pay someone to let me sleep.

Last night I met my classmates at the school library.  We went over our final paper, our charts and graphs, and our final presentation.  We started working at 6pm and when we finally finished, it was just after 11.  I got home around 11:30 and was in bed by midnight.  I had to get up at 5:30 this morning in order to be to work by 7.  I am hoping and praying that class lets out early today just so I can get home and go to bed.  Who cares, at this point, about the final presentation?

Did I mention that we all received an email from our professor on Tuesday saying he was changing the way he is grading this thing and now he’s including an individual grade?  This prompted a flurry of email to him from our group because we all worked on this thing in a pretty collaborative way and no one person really did any one thing.  Apparently the other group has been having issues and difficulties and he instituted this new grading policy because of what’s going on with them.  He did send us an email back assuring us the new grading policy will not adversely affect us. After all the work we’ve put in, I sure hope not.  Our group met together 4 or 5 times outside of school for a no less than 4 hours each time.  The other group never ONCE met together outside of class.  I can’t tell you how glad I will be when this class is over.

I heard from the radio station I wrote to Saturday night.  (It’s only Thursday.)  They thanked me for contacting them and for submitting my resume. They said if I was invited to the next round of interviews, I would be sent an application.  Okay.  So I will wait and see.  In the meantime, I’ve called my career counselor at school to see if I can set up an appointment with her.  I am wondering if it would behoove me to take some broadcasting classes in order to get caught up on radio technology since the late 1990’s.  I haven’t heard back from her yet so we’ll see.

I have being overtired.  I just feel so crappy today.  It doesn’t help that I have my period and am all crampy and achy too.  When I’m overtired, my tummy gets easily nauseous and rumbly and my attitude gets short and snappy.  Oh, I’m a joy to be around today.  It ALSO doesn’t help that one of my classmates just emailed me to tell me that we need to add information to our final presentation power point. Arg!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

This Week is kicking ass and taking names

This week is seriously kicking my ass.  Its only Wednesday and Im exhausted.  When I think that I wont actually get any rest or real sleep until this weekend, I just want to cry.  Here is the run down of my week, bulleted for your easy reading pleasure:

·       Monday work regular hours (7-4) then meet classmates for final presentation strategy session (5-10).  Home to sleep

·       Tuesday Non-regular work day.  Show up at Habitat for Humanity work site at 7:30.  I signed up to be site host so am shown the ropes and given a run-down on how to check people in and make sure they have all signed releases with them.  Work in bone chilling cold and wind until 4, clean up, go home.  Find out at 5:30 that girlfriends are coming over for prayer at 6:30.  Actually fall asleep during prayer time.  Girlfriends leave at 10.  Go to bed.

·       Wednesday Up at 5:30 and out the door by 6:30 for 7am dentist appointment.  Get cavity filled then drive to work with what feels like a fat lip and giant nose. Work a regular day (7:30-4:30) then meet classmates for final go-over of final presentation.  We expect to be working on this until 11pm tonight.

·       Thursday Normal work day (7-4) then class where we will present our final presentations (thank God!).  Im hoping class lets out early so I can be in bed before 10, but Im not holding my breath.

·       Friday Normal work-day (7-4).  I have an office visit with my RE to discuss the plan for my next cycle.  After work I have to be at the Grand Hotel by 5 in order to take pictures for the Gala Fundraiser my friend is throwing.  Normally I would be very excited about this opportunity but right now I wish it was another time just so I could go home and sleep straight through to Monday.

Does it even need to be said?  I believe it doesI am so tired!  At lunch I went to use the restroom and caught myself drifting off to sleep right there on the throne. 

It seems that my RE wants to do another semen analysis as part of the plan.  Even though I was told last months sample was the best one yet, it would seem that it was not really all that great after all.  Also, I was alerted that she would want to talk to me about my weight.  Yay.  Looking forward to that office visit.  Yes sir boberee. (This is how my youngest nephew used to say yessirreebob.)

Yesterdays HfH job was fun.  It was freezing but fun.  I dressed for the weather though.  I wore a turtleneck shirt, a long-sleeved shirt over that, a sweatshirt over that, and my coat over that.  I wore my fleece socks, a stocking cap, and gloves.  I ended up being fairly comfortable in that.  A lot of people didnt dress for the weather and ended up chilled.  The place we worked on was a 4-family townhome.  The windows werent in yet so there was a lot of cold air blowing around.  The winds were exceptionally high yesterday so that added to the cold factor.  All in all, it was a good day in that it didnt rain and we got a lot of work done.

Upon checking my school email this morning I found the internets had been busy yesterday.  Turns out my professor from my research methods class has changed the grading at the last minute and he WILL be grading each of us individually on the content of our final paper.  This isnt good news for my group since we divided tasks differently.  Instead of having all four of us working on each thing and getting four different perspectives, we each took a task upon ourselves.  For our final there needs to be 1.) A final research paper, 2.) A final research presentation complete with power point slide show, and 3.) A brochure of our findings.  One of my classmates took writing the paper as her task.  Another took the brochure as hers, I took the Power Point, and the lone man in our group took on the task of converting all our stats into charts and graphs.  After a flurry of emails between my classmates and my professor, it was determined that his change of heart is not going to affect our group much at all and is in fact something that needed to be done because of problems the other group has had.  This should be interesting.  Again, I cant wait until this class is over.  After tomorrow, only 5 weeks until Im DONE!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Sunday was Sadday

Yesterday was a better day than Sunday. Sunday was sad-day. I cried all day. Not just tears sliding silently down my cheeks but great heaving sobs of broken-heartedness. Sobbing while driving. Sobbing while at home. Trying not to sob at the laundromat. Sobbing in the car outside the laundromat while waiting for the clothes to dry. Sobbing on the phone after a friend had called to ask how I was doing. Sobbing on the floor of my bedroom while clutching carpet and wishing the floor/earth would just swallow me whole. Yesterday? No tears at all. Though I almost lost it when I made the call to my clinic to say the pregnancy test had been negative. I managed to hold it together because I was at work. The tears may have stopped but the sadness permeates.

Today me and a co-worker are working on a Habitat for Humanity project all day. The high today is supposed to be 55 and it's really windy. I am wearing 2 shirts and a sweatshirt plus a coat. I have a hat and gloves on hand as well. I hope the sun is at least out for some warmth. Apparently there is snow in the north part of my state today! Brrrrr.

Only 2 more days until my final project and presentation for my research methods class. I can't wait for this class to be done. Once it's done, we have a week off and then begins my last class of my bachelor degree program. I. Can't. Wait.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Don't Miss This

Legislative Forum on Infertility and Insurance Coverage
Panel discussions with legislators to talk about the issues of expanded insurance coverage for infertility will be held at:
October 10, 2007 at the Minnetonka Community Center14600 Minnetonka Blvd. Minnetonka, MN 55345(952) 939-83907:00-8:30pm
October 16, 2007 at the Roseville Civic Center2660 Civic Center Dr.Roseville, MN 55113(651) 762-70067:00-8:30pm
October 24, 2007 at the Kelly Inn St. Paul161 St. AnthonySt. Paul, MN 55103(651) 227-87117:00-8:30pm
For more information and updates before attending, please visit or call 952.223.1339.
Infertility is a medically recognized disease that affects men and women equally. It is defined as the inability to conceive or retain a pregnancy during a one-year period (6 months for a woman 35 years of age or older). According to the CDC, 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age are affected by infertility. When treated correctly, infertility has one of the highest rates of success of any disease - more than 80% of couples who complete treatment will succeed in having a biological child. Often patients select treatments based on what is covered by their insurance plan rather than what is most appropriate, forcing many people to have less effective but covered treatments such as surgeries for blocked fallopian tubes or endometriosis rather than pursuing in-vitro (IVF) fertilization, a non-covered service, even though the cost is about the same and IVF is statistically more likely to result in a successful pregnancy. States with insurance coverage for infertility report a decrease in health care costs. Incidences of high order multiple births is decreased. Healthier pregnancies and babies are the result. Currently 15 states have infertility coverage as a required benefit within their policies. We would like to make Minnesota the 16th state that requires this beneficial coverage included in health care plans.
Please come and lend support, listen to legislators, ask questions and share information regarding insurance coverage and infertility.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Result of Try Number 3

I wasn't supposed to test until Wednesday but I had a dream that I was pregnant and it was so real I woke up thinking it true. Alas, the test reveals all truth. Insemination try number three failed.

I don't know if I have it in me to try again right now.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

New Haircut

I got my hair cut last night. My former roommate used to be a professional hair stylist. She came over for a visit and to cut our hair. It's shorter than I've worn it for a while and it looks nothing like it did when she styled it last night, but I like it. Bob said it's cute:-).

Today we actually turned our air conditioners on. It was 85 and humid. It felt more like a July summer day than a fall October day. Nevertheless it was beautiful. Too bad I really didn't have time to enjoy it. I had schoolwork to do and then I had to meet my classmates to go over our final project. We met at the school library. It is homecoming weekend there and we were prepared to battle over parking but it turned out to be no problem at all. We are meeting again Monday and Wednesday and giving our presentation on Thursday. Then I am DONE with this class. My next (and last) class starts 2 weeks later. Cannot. Wait.

I think I mentioned before that I've been kind of wanting/wishing/praying for a way to get back into radio. It's been nearly 10 years since I've done any radio work but I've never enjoyed a job more or been happier than when I worked in radio. The last job I applied for didn't even garner an interview. I just got a form email back saying the position had been filled. Today I was surfing around various radio station websites to see what might be available. I found a morning drive co-host position that really excited me. I sent an email with my resume attached. I hope this garners more than a denial via email.

Friday, October 05, 2007


I am so tired today.  Last night’s class ran late meaning I didn’t get home until 11pm.  I am never able to just come home that late and go right to bed so I puttered around and finally got to bed a little after midnight.  Around 1am I thought I heard thunder rumbling around in my dreams but didn’t wake up enough to really notice.  That is until a gigantic explosion of thunder rattled our place between 2 and 2:30.  It was so loud I jumped out of bed screaming, “BOB!”.  He calmed me and assured me all was well, that it was just thunder and to go back to sleep.  Alas, sleep was not to be had. Just then our building’s fire alarm went off.  We were afraid the building got hit by lightning so we got up, got dressed, wrangled 4 freaked out scaredy cats into 3 carriers and went down to our underground garage.  (What?  It was pouring rain, pitch black, and the sidewalks were rivers of flowing rainwater.  We figured if we were truly in danger, the fire department would arrive and tell us to move.) We were able to do this in less that 15 minutes.  The firemen that come from just barely 3 blocks away took nearly 25 minutes to arrive.  Nice.  No fire of course, but we didn’t get back to bed until after 3:30 and it was still thundering.  It seemed like every time I’d juuuussst ease off to sleep, more thunder would wake me up.  I had to get up at 5:30 and let me tell you, I’ve never wanted to play hooky from work more so than today.  I’m so glad tomorrow is Saturday.  I feel like a zombie except it’s not braaiiiinnnnsss I’m after, it’s sllllleeeeeeepppppp!

Before class yesterday I had to swing by the radio station to pick up the tickets I won to the Chanhassen dinner theater.  It turns out I didn’t win 6 tickets to a specific show, I won 3 general pair of tickets to use for any performance (except Friday nights or holidays).  So I think we will use 2 pair for the Wonderbread Years show for Bob’s birthday outing this month and use the other pair for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat in December for my birthday outing.  I love live theater. 

So this is push week for me and my classmates.  We have a week to tabulate the results of our survey, correctly interpret them, write them into a paper AND power point presentation, and present the findings to our class in 30 minutes or more.  Yeah, that’s going to be easy.  My team is meeting Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday.  Speaking of which, I need to line up a room at the school library.  I can’t wait until this is over. The next 6 days will be spent eating, sleeping, and breathing Research Methods.

Speaking of over, the day following our final presentation, I am going to be the official photographer for an event at the Grand Hotel in downtown Minneapolis.  If they turn out, my photos will be used for publication in 2 or 3 different local rags.  Not a bad gig, huh?  I’m hoping it will go well and lead to other bigger and better photography jobs.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

One month to DONE

I just realized that next month is my last month in school.  My last day of classes is November 15th!  I have one month and 11 days until I am DONE! I have one week until I am done with the class I dreaded from day one and yet hasn’t been as bad as expected.  Did I mention that my cap and gown has been ordered?  Because it has!

OK so when women tell you they are taking Progesterone, are they all taking it the way I’m taking it?  Is it always in suppository form?  Because the taking of the Progesterone?  Sucks.  Although, if I end up getting pregnant and then having a healthy baby at the end of this, I would gladly shove pretty much anything in my hooha. Well, not anything, but you get the idea.  Still, having to wear a pad for pretty much 3 weeks out of a month is not a fun activity.  This is one of those things that you learn as you go…unless you happen to religiously read infertility blogs and forums. Even then I can’t believe I didn’t get clued in to the fact that “taking Progesterone” means putting a long, white, recently refrigerated tablet where the sun don’t shine.

I just realized that I may not get to attend the Legislative town hall meeting next Wednesday night.  It’s the night before our final presentation is due and we may be getting together to go over all the last minute details.  I am all for expanded insurance funding for infertility but not at the expense of my final grade (not to mention its affect on my classmates as well.). I can also send a letter or email detailing my story and my convictions on the issue, if nothing else.  Still, you should be there!

Last night there was no rest for the weary.  I had to stop at Target for random things such as hair color, kitty litter, and the aforementioned pads.  Then it was to Papa Murphy’s to pick up dinner.  Then home to cook dinner and clean out the litter boxes. (Don’t worry I use a mask and plastic gloves.  Once again my doctor assured me that I’d literally have to eat cat poo for it to cause me any harm.)  Once dinner was consumed it also had to be cleaned up.  I picked up the kitchen, swept and mopped the floor, and vacuumed.  Then I folded laundry while watching Kid Nation.  Can I say that Taylor makes me want to spit?  She is NOT my favorite kid in the world.  After laundry was folded and put away, I noticed one of our beloved felines peed on my bed. So I had to strip the bed, spray the mattress with our special animal stain spray and wait for it to dry.  Then I had to re-make the bed.  Good thing we JUST did the laundry.  Then I had to color my hair.  At this point I finally got a minute (read 20) to myself.  I watched Criminal Minds and thought, not for the first time, what kind of creepy mind has to think of the horrible scenarios that make up these shows.  Gah.  Then it was wash, dry, and to bed.  Whew!  I’m tired all over again just typing it all out.  I can’t wait for the weekend.


Wednesday, October 03, 2007

TV, School, know, the important stuff

OK we’re only 2 weeks into the new TV season and I’ve already missed 2 shows I caught last week and liked!  Grrrr.  Curses DirecTV for not setting up a more readable menu.  Actually, curses to me for not reading the menu past channel 11 so I missed Reaper last night.

A week from today I shall know if insemination #3 worked.  Although shouldn’t I know by now by signs from my body?  Shouldn’t there have been some bleeding from implantation?  Boob soreness beyond this vague tingling I’ve had going on for 2 days?  Shouldn’t I just know?  Most days I feel as if I am no different and the insemination did not, in fact, work.  Other days I can barely sit still, wiggling with anticipation that will be a plus sign on the pee stick.  Still, disappointment and non-pregnancy is what I know best and what I tend to believe right now.  Why is it so flippin’ easy for most other women to get pregnant and we are doing everything we can here and…nothing!?  Anyway, next Wednesday is the day.

Next Wednesday is also the day I get a cavity filled and it’s the day that the MN legislation comes to my town for a town meeting/discussion on insurance funding for infertility issues.  Wanna bet where I’m going to be Wednesday night next?  Please join me at the Minnetonka community center and bring all your infertile friends.

Tomorrow is the class before our last class in my Research Methods class.  (Could I say class anymore?  Sheesh.)  Next week we get to present our findings.  My group has received almost 200 responses to our survey so far!  (And I got a weird email from someone saying they filled it out but that it SHOULD have been set up like this: and then she proceeded to redo the whole survey.  Um, thanks stranger for your input.  Would you like the grade as well?)  Also, we have a first draft of our paper and I have started the power point for our presentation.  For a class that was giving us all fits and anxiety weeks before it started, it’s not turning out nearly as bad as we feared.

Last week I applied for a job through the online jobs posting my company hosts.  The very next morning I received an automated email from the manager of that job saying essentially, “Thanks, but no thanks, we have other, more worthy candidates in mind”.  Yesterday when I logged onto the job site again, I saw the job still posted.  So I emailed the manager and told her that I am still interested in the position and that the things I’ve been learning at school surely apply to the job listed.  Not only that but the things I do in my job now would serve me well according to the duties she listed in the posting.  I have not heard back from her other than to get an “out of office” return mail.  I guess she’s on vacation until next week.  Do you think I was too pushy in emailing her after already receiving the “thanks but no” last week?

Monday, October 01, 2007

Attn: Minnesota Infertiles

Legislative Forum on Infertility and Insurance Coverage

Please come to a panel discussions with legislators to talk about the issues of expanded insurance coverage for infertility will be held at:
October 10, 2007 at the Minnetonka Community Center14600 Minnetonka Blvd. Minnetonka, MN 55345(952) 939-83907:00-8:30pm
October 16, 2007 at the Roseville Civic Center2660 Civic Center Dr.Roseville, MN 55113(651) 762-70067:00-8:30pm
October 24, 2007 at the Kelly Inn St. Paul161 St. AnthonySt. Paul, MN 55103(651) 227-87117:00-8:30pm
For more information and updates before attending, please visit or call 952.223.1339.

Infertility is a medically recognized disease that affects men and women equally. It is defined as the inability to conceive or retain a pregnancy during a one-year period (6 months for a woman 35 years of age or older). According to the CDC, 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age are affected by infertility. When treated correctly, infertility has one of the highest rates of success of any disease - more than 80% of couples who complete treatment will succeed in having a biological child. Often patients select treatments based on what is covered by their insurance plan rather than what is most appropriate, forcing many people to have less effective but covered treatments such as surgeries for blocked fallopian tubes or endometriosis rather than pursuing in-vitro (IVF) fertilization, a non-covered service, even though the cost is about the same and IVF is statistically more likely to result in a successful pregnancy. States with insurance coverage for infertility report a decrease in health care costs. Incidences of high order multiple births is decreased. Healthier pregnancies and babies are the result. Currently 15 states have infertility coverage as a required benefit within their policies. We would like to make Minnesota the 16th state that requires this beneficial coverage included in health care plans.

Please come and lend support, listen to legislators, ask questions and share information regarding insurance coverage and infertility. Please forward this on to friends, family and neighbors.