Thursday, September 25, 2008

What People Don't Know About Being Infertile

Being infertile/without children affects every aspect of life. EVERY. ASPECT.

Do you read the Bible? Do you come across verses that make references to future generations? If so, those verses don't apply to you because you haven't produced a new generation. The generation ends with you and your husband.

Do you and your husband enjoy doing things together? Do you enjoy seasonal opportunities? If so, rule out carnivals, parks, petting zoos, pumpkin patches, Disney movies, or other family/children-centric activities unless you wish to address the weird looks and stares from parents carting their children around. Adults in child-centric areas are looked upon as possible pedophiles/weirdos.

Do you and your husband talk about future baby names? Rules and boundaries for future kids? Have you ever caught yourself saying, "when we have kids..."? How long can you go without ever having those hypothetical kids?

Does school start and you don't have anyone to send to school? Does Christmas come and go without your household experiencing the innocence, excitement, and childhood wonder of the season? Are your shopping expeditions devoid of juice boxes, yogo, diapers, and licensed characters? Do you feel negated as a women because you haven't given birth or nurtured another human being?

The pain of infertility isn't just about not having kids while intensely desiring them, it's about living in that pain every single day and trying to come to terms with never seeing those dreams come true in the midst of a world full of children.

In regards to my friend K. We are not on the outs. I am hurt that she didn't tell me she was pregnant when everyone else in our group knew. I was stunned at the news she is pregnant but I am working through that. What continues to haunt me is that she felt she couldn't tell me she was pregnant and that everyone else kept it from me too. That's what hurts me. I am most likely, probably going to see her in the hospital tomorrow and we will talk.

1 comment:

Laura said...

This is just me (so please disregard if I'm giving assvice), but if it were me, I'd have a hard time accepting this state (infertility) unless I knew I'd done everything possible to "fix" or "cure" it - i.e. all fertility treatments I could afford and were possible. I remember you going through some treatments a few months ago -- are you done with that? If you're satisfied that you've done everything possible and you are not interested in adopting for whatever reason, then I would take the previous commenter's advice about Jesus being the way to acceptance. I guess this is just a long way of saying that, personally, I couldn't get to acceptance (through Jesus or any other way) unless I knew that it truly was not going to happen. I don't get the sense that you're at that point.