Monday, February 12, 2007

More On Yesterday's Issues

I’ve been thinking about the fight with Bob a lot since yesterday.  Obviously we are having problems communicating.  Part of the problem is that Bob continually interrupts me so rather than talk to him about things; I just keep them to myself.  Then Bob gets frustrated and lashes out and I cry and that drives him insane.

Another, more obvious issue is that we are completely different.  Other than him being male and me being female, we don’t think alike and we don’t see things the same way.  For instance, Bob is an all or nothing guy.  He is the definition of black and white thinking while I am more laid back and can see more than just 2 sides to something.  I am more ready to give someone the benefit of the doubt while Bob is quick with the fast judgment. 

Bob is also more apt to see the dark side, the glass is half empty, and the end is near kind of guy whereas I am more positive and see the glass as half full and the silver lining in the dark cloud.

Bob shared that part of the reason he is so gung-ho about saving and making sure we have money saved is because he is convinced he is going to die before I do and he wants to leave me with enough to live on and to get us out of debt before that happens.  However, he also shared that he is afraid that he will die soon and if he does, he doesn’t think I will be able to make it on my own financially.  That was a little hurtful and demeaning to me but not without truth.  However, because of his doom and gloom focus, it is hard to convince him it will ever be otherwise.

Another problem is that Bob is VERY easily distracted.  That is part of the reason that when he gets a bee in his bonnet and wants to do something, he has to do it NOW, especially if it’s an important, non-fun task.  However, I am NOT that way and am in fact very task oriented.  So if I am at work on something or doing something else, it is hard to get me to focus on something else.  However, if this something is on my list of tasks to complete, I will happily do it as I get to it.  This does not just frustrate Bob, oh no, this has implications at work as well.  Although I am learning to adjust at work, I am just not naturally able to move from one task to another until I’ve finished with the first thing. There is a reason for the cliché that opposites attract.  It’s funny because it’s true.


Yvonne said...

I'm just catching up. {{{Hugs}}} about the disagreement. We all have them. Communication is key and yet it is such a complicated thing to succeed at. This last entry showed you've been looking at this from both sides and you seem to be very honest about your challenges. That's huge. I will continue to pray for you and Bob, through black, white and the greys.

Yvonne said...

Just stopping by to let you know I'm thinking of you.