Friday, December 14, 2007

It's My Birthday and I'll Cry if I Want to

So the past 48 hours haven't been all that great. It might be the day I turn 40 but it might as well have been any old crappy day. Mostly it's little stupid stuff that piled up but just the fact that it all happened around such a momentous birthday really sucks.

Crappy Stuff that Happened on my Birthday
  • Was told broken bone wasn't healing. Put back into walking cast.
  • Made cookies last night from a new recipe that didn't really work out.
  • Told my regular coffee shop people it was my birthday...didn't get free drink even though I always did in years past.
  • Headlight went out on my car.
  • Bob sent my name in to local radio station to be read during their "Best Day Ever" segment...they didn't read it.
  • Decided to pamper myself with a brow wax. Got new girl. She kept jamming her thumbs in my eyes and when it was done, she didn't offer me a mirror. Oh! And she told me to stop squinting all the time.
  • Called my doctor to see if I could get a referral to an orthopedist sooner rather than later and was told by the nurse that now that I'm 40 I'm just not going to heal as fast and I should learn some patience. Sheesh, I JUST turned 40.
I know it doesn't sound like a lot and it may seem that I'm just a whining baby but I've been down so long and just wanted a nice day today.

In thinking about it, I think that what has me down is that I'm 40. I'm no longer in my 30's. Now I have to say I'm in my 40's. And the 40's lead to 50. Plus, for some reason, I had it in my head that 2007 was going to be some amazing magical year for us/me. Then it wasn't. At all. In fact, with each passing month I could feel my youthful optimism and hopefulness slip away. I can feel myself get more and more negative and jaded as the year winds down. I used to be the first one to believe in miracles, fantasies and fairy tales. I used to believe dreams and wishes came true. Until this year. Now I just see how hard life is. How much it sucks and drains the life from a person until the day they die.

Although I guess it's not all bad. When I look back over the 10 years that was my 30's, I can see some good things happened. I got my Associate's Degree. I moved to the Twin Cities. I met and married Bob. I got my job at Big Bank Co. I finished college (barely). Still, there is so much more that I wanted for me/us that didn't happen it's hard for me to believe it ever will. I really am not looking forward to the future for the first time since...I can remember. Even this big birthday/graduation party I'm throwing in January isn't looking good. I've received so many regrets RSVPs that I'm wondering if anyone will show. It's like turning 40 has turned me into Debbie Downer.

So far, the 40's are not fabulous.


Michelle said...

"and I should learn some patience"

Wow, that nurse needs an attitude adjustment. Sheesh.

It's frustrating to have something wonderful happen, but it become overshadowed by all the little crappy things that seem to come along with it. I'm an avid believer in the whole "made plans never work out" because I'm going through a similar mood.

I hope that being 40 improves for you soon. Happy Birthday!

lap said...

I can't remember the last time my birthday felt really special. Maybe it was 3 years ago, when I had enough money to be sure that it would be a good birthday. Paying for your own happy birthday is a bummer. Sorry that I completely forgot your special day though, especially since I owe you a bundt birthday tea party in my new apartment! I am dragging the last of my stuff I have no room for out of the old place today. I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday..

sparklingmerlot said...

My 40th sucked, too. And then I decided that I wasn't going to fuss about birthdays anymore and I have had some amazing ones since. I turned 51 in September and life has never been better ... and it was a fabulous birthday!

Happy birthday, btw!!!!

blacknwhitenread said...

ah, 40. Ya kind of a bummer birthday. but things will get better! ((HUG))