Thursday, August 28, 2008

Coming Clean

So I suppose I should write about what's really going on with me so I can keep track of things from today on.

Yesterday was my last day at Big Bank Company. The childishness, back-biting, tattling, divisiveness, and mismanagement finally became too much. The problems at work began to negatively affect my health, my marriage, and my self worth/outlook. Bob and I were fighting. I developed a terrible case of anxiety breathing and a possible ulcer, and I began to feel as if there was nothing I could do well. I wasn't sleeping. I was eating and drinking too much. It was just a bad situation. I couldn't find another job within Big Bank Co because of the written performance issue I incurred in May.

So after talking with Bob and praying about what to do, I signed on with a temp agency, started part time classes in professional photography, and quit my job.

Today was my first day of freedom. I slept until 7, was out the door by 7:30 for a walk. I walked 4 miles today and it was amazing. I felt more like me than I have in ages. I had class at 1pm so I got to school a tad early in order to experience the place at actual school hours instead of at night. I got a student ID. I sat through class. We were let out early so I came home and made dinner for me and Bob. Overall, it was a good day.

My friend and former co-worker came over to give Bob and haircut. She said I looked so happy...happier than she's ever seen me. I said I finally feel like me again.

Bob has said that he would prefer I did not accept a temp job for the month of September. He has enough business on ebay to get us through this first month so I've agreed to change my date of availability to Oct. 1st. He is meeting with a social worker and is filling out paperwork in order to sign up for Medicare and state health aid. He will be getting help from the state and we are also looking into possible state grants that will pay for me to stay home and take care of him as his PCA. As much as we are loathe to admit and accept it, his health is declining and the possibility of him falling or injuring himself is quite high. I am nervous about his being at home by himself because of his health limitations and the high probability of injury. In fact, I did not bring the cell with me on my walk today and as I neared our apartment complex an ambulance raced passed me. I realized that it could be Bob and quickened my steps to home. Thankfully, it wasn't Bob but I learned to always take the cell with me and expect the unexpected.

So, to more Big Bank Co. I don't know what the future holds but I know who holds my future and I am ready for whatever comes next. Both Bob and I felt that this was the right decision at the right time and though it may not seem like a wise decision in this economy, we know it was what was right for us. Life is short and our time together is precious. It should not be affected by a crappy job that has no place for growth, development, or movement.


Laura said...

I couldn't agree more. Congratulations - I look forward to reading about your next steps.

LAP said...

I'm so glad you've taken these steps! That company was not worth the distress it put you through.

michiganme said...

Many years ago, my husband was in a similar situation at his workplace. Another company had purchased his company and they were stuck with the workers, so those employees they didn't want were harassed & nitpicked and their job descriptions were rewritten. They didn't want to fire him, they wanted him to quit. The most liberating day of his life was when he decided to take responsibility for his own happiness and he gave notice. He too took some time off and regrouped then went looking for the job that he wanted to do. And he eventually found a GREAT job, the job of his dreams. I know it takes courage to do what you did, but you can't start living your dreams while you're in the middle of a nightmare. Take care---MIME

Dawn said...

Life's too short to be miserable. You did what you had to do in order to keep your sanity. I know it was a really hard decision to make. Lots of luck in getting through this. Hopefully your new career as a photographer is right around the corner!

Canyon Cottage said...

Good for you. Things will work out for you. Hugs, Annie

TL said...

Wow. I haven't been keeping up with my blog reading, and Kassie asked me if I'd seen this. Wow. Ballsy. Good luck. I gotta believe you're much happier now.