Rock Gut

Today is a new day.  Well, every day that you awaken is a new day but today is special because today is the first day of school!  Yes, summer has officially come to an end and the start of the school year is upon us once again and today I will be joining the ranks of the new students.  At 7:00 tonight I will be ensconced in a chair at a local college learning all I can learn about professional photography.  It’s weird because I don’t feel like it’s real. It doesn’t feel like school should be starting right now.  I am not very prepared.  I have not received my books yet and I haven’t even been school supply shopping.  Granted, at this point I really probably only need a notebook and pen, but I don’t even have that.  I will have to stop at Target or Staples on my way home.

Bob and I went to the fair on Friday.  It was fun, but again, it didn’t feel right.  It didn’t seem like fair time and there was so much we didn’t do.  When we got home, we realized that there was a lot of stuff we neglected and wished we’d done.  Maybe we will head back on Friday or Saturday this week.  We didn’t go into any buildings or see any animals.  We even missed the Miracle of Birth Barn.  We did end up at the Pet Center though and that was fun.  There were lots and lots of dogs there participating in obedience drills so we got to see lots of furry friends there. We also played some games at the midway and had breakfast at a church diner.  I rode the sky gliders early on and had a good time doing that.  I also took a lot of pictures.  Still, it was fun but just different from year’s past.

Saturday was spent not doing too much, although I did do our laundry.  It seemed like every towel we owned was dirty and I had to do our sheets as well so there was a lot of laundry to do.  As I was folding the clean laundry I began to feel lightheaded and very warm.  My heart began beating very fast and I began to sweat profusely.  I finished up folding and went home to lie down.  Don’t know what happened but I felt drained the rest of the day so I just took it easy.

Sunday we drove 2 ½ hours north to see Bob’s folks.  We had a nice visit with them at their place and took them to lunch.  Weirdly, after eating lunch I excused myself and went to the bathroom.  Once there I began to heave as though throwing up.  Nothing came up and after about 5 minutes the episode passed.  I felt a little lightheaded and my heart was beating really fast and I was sweating again.  When I came out, everyone notice I didn’t look so good so we paid the bill and went back to my in-law’s place.  We chatted a bit longer and then Bob and I took off for home again.  I slept most of the way home and once there, I just took it east.  I ate a BLT for dinner and was fine though still a little drained.  I went to bed early but didn’t sleep so well (I never do on Sunday nights).

Today I’m feeling OK.  I ate breakfast just fine and since I just sit at a computer at work, there isn’t a lot of activity.  I notice that I have a bit of anxiety breathing going on but that’s not unusual when I’m at work.  Things at work just continue to go from bad to worse in regards to the back-biting, gossip, and division which leads to my heightened anxiety and nervousness.  I haven’t been getting a whole lot of good rest which is probably where all of this stuff is coming from.  I feel like I have a rock in my gut at all times when I’m at work and when things are the worst, I feel like that rock is on fire.  That can’t be really healthy.  I just wish I could find my peace again.  Maybe I will find it in class tonight.