Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I am OK for Another Day

We are going to look at a condo tonight.  Its about the size of our current apartment.  Its in the same town we live in now.  It has 2 beds/2 baths and in unit laundry. (Yay!) The price is in our range and the association fees around outrageous.  If we like it, I dont know what we will do since we dont have pre-financing yet.  There is another condo we want to look at that is owned and being sold by Bobs boss at the gas station.  He said he is flexible on the price.  The associate fees are high so I am hoping he means what he says about being flexible.  We have until the end of the week to make a decision about staying in our apartment for another year.

Counseling yesterday was good.  I ended up bawling at the last 5 minutes and left with puffy, achy eyes.  I talked about what happens if we never have children.  How do I come to terms with that?  Does it hurt for the rest of my life?  Do I ever get over that?  My counselor says I need to grieve it and feel the loss.  When I allow myself to feel it, it hurts so much.  I asked her if I will always feel bittersweet about my friends and families pregnancies.  Will I ever get to a point where I can just be happy for them and not feel my own sorrow and loss?  Of course she didnt know the answer to that.

Bob and I are going to have the kittens declawed.  They chew the softpaws right off.  I had to replace one whole paw on Chloe when I got home from WI and another whole paw this morning.  Little stinkers.  We cant declaw for another couple of months but they need to be spayed next month.  Well see what happens.

I talked to a representative from Joni and Friends today.  She was really nice and had a lot of good ideas.  She even mentioned a few churches in the area that are very disability minded.  One of them is a church we were interested in looking into at one time.  She also said that we might be able to apply for their grant and put that towards adoption fees. She said shed never heard of anyone using it for that, but she doesnt see why we couldnt.  The worst they could say is no and then we would be no worse off.  Good idea!  We will see how that goes as well.

So, things are moving alongnot bad, not great, but fine. I will take that.


Anonymous said...

Fine, would be great....I'd take that over bad! Great will follow.
Sounds like things are progressing ahead for you. Yes, embrace your emotions-grieve them. It's not a bad thing to "feel"!
The condo idea sounds like an exciting venture. Keep us all updated on how that works out.

Heather said...

Instead of declawing have you considered just cutting their claws? That is what I do with my cat and I started young enough that he doesn't mind it at all. I also got him a couple of scratching posts and he has never clawed the furniture.

As for you personally, I hope you start to feel better soon!!