Monday, June 19, 2006

Current Turn of Events

After tossing and turning for hours last night I made the decision to drop the class I am currently taking and take these next classless 3 week to assess where I am at and then join up with my group at the next class.  I hope to take the next 4 classes with my group but I will have to make up this class and a speech class after the first of the year.  That pushes my graduation back to December 2007.  Maybe Springbut 2007 for sure.

I just couldnt finish this class.  Its weird because its a subject I like and am deeply interested in but I couldnt get my butt in gear to get the work done.  I would start and delete and start and delete.  Or worse yet, just stare at a blank screen.  I was behind in my projects and nowhere near ready for class tonight.  I dont know what happened. I used to look forward to class every Monday night.  Now Ive been dreading them.  I havent been using time wisely in preparing for class either.  Ive been slacking and my grades show it.  I am not proud of my work and I need to get back to a place where the school work is important and done in a timely and excellent manner.  How do I get back there?  I dont know.  Im hope 3 weeks off does the trick.  I am not happy about this latest turn of events or in my part in them, but boy did I feel some relief when I finally made the decision.  It was sweet. 

Bob has been working hard at the gas station.  Not only did their regular nightly cashier die unexpectedly but they fired the newest guy hired due to his pilferage and lying. But the boss told Bob that while they are happy to have him fill in, he doesnt want him working 10 hour days 5-7 days a week.  He said they would cover the schedule so if he had to work, his shift would only be 5 or 6 hours.  He really likes Bob and wants him to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible.  Bob has been feeling really good since hes been getting some hours and bringing home a paycheck.

Speaking of paychecks, I have had 4 requests for interviews today.  I am scared to reply.  I am scared to stay.  My fear is immobilizing me from changing anything. Arg!  Part of the problem is that these interviewers want to meet me during the work day downtown or further.  I cant take off of work to interview.  I hate being sneaky. Bah.  There is one possibility in a suburb next door that might work over a lunch hour.  Although their position involves some sales and I am not sure I am cut out for that.  Of course the jobs I REALLY want are not calling me.  Maybe I will just keep my eyes open and will only apply for the jobs I REALLY want.


Virtual Insanity said...

Sounds like you have senioritis. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel but there is still some distance. That happened to me when I realized just how close graduation was.

On the job front, I worked at my last position for 7 looong years... 3 of those years were spent in fear of moving on even though I knew I wasn't happy. Finally I got off my butt and did what I had to do.

Moving on was the best thing ever. I had a better paying job, I was doing interesting work and I wondered why I hadn't done it sooner.

But I was scared to death when I did it and I didn't think I was good enough or knew enough or whatever...but employers don't expect you to know everything either.

You can do this! What if you are cheating yourself out of a better opportunity?

Anonymous said...

Could it be fear of success? That can happen sometimes! Have you gone over this with your counselor or your therapist? Maybe having some counsel regarding all your decision-making will give some perspective.

Heather said...

Hopefully now that you've made this decision you will be able to rest easy. At least for three weeks anyway!!