I Wish I Was A Kitten

Zoe not happy to be woken up
Originally uploaded by SunFlowery.

So the plan is in place. I am on a short term medical leave. I don't know how long it will be and I don't know how I will use this time off to get better. I guess I will just take it one day at a time. I have a lot of people praying for me and the support and love of a wonderful husband. Also, some amazing friends who have really rallied around me. It's somewhat awkward though because people ask how they can help and I don't know. I don't know how they can help other than to not treat me weird.

I see my counselor later today. We will try and come up with some kind of plan I suppose. I don't know if I can afford to see her more than three times a week to begin with but I know I can't afford not to. I am also going to look into some other options as well. There is a church in town that features Christian counseling with a theophostic emphasis. I don't know what it costs but it doesn't cost anything to ask questions. I've also been given a couple of other counseling options by friends, so it might pay to look into those as well. I wish there was a timeline as to how long it takes your heart and soul to heal.

For now I am going to keep going to school. I don't know how to let go of that right now so I am going to keep going.

I feel so guilty. I enjoy staying home but I feel like I should be doing stuff. I should be cleaning. I should be paying bills. I should be cooking. I should be tending to things. Yet I hardly have the energy or motivation to do any of those things. Well, I did pay bills because we use online bill pay and how hard is that? So I have accomplished something today.

I do feel better knowing that I have taken the steps that need to be taken to make sure I am on short term medical leave. With that out of the way, I can concentrate on doing what needs to be done to get better. If only I knew what I needed to do to get better. If only there was an antibiotic that could heal my soul.