Sunday, June 25, 2006

More Than Accuclear


More Than Accuclear
Originally uploaded by SunFlowery.
Two days late so I took a pregnancy test. I am clearly not pregnant. Two hours later, my period shows. Great.

Sometimes I wish I were not me.

Sometimes I think I am going crazy.

Sometimes I wonder how Bob can love me.

Sometimes I wish I were dead.

Sometimes I wish I were good at something.

Sometimes I wish I never had to leave the apartment again.

Sometimes I wish I could stay in bed forever.

Sometimes I wonder if things will ever change.

Sometimes I think life sucks.

Sometimes I cry for no reason at all.

Sometimes I wonder how other people do it.

Sometimes I wish I could do things right.

Sometimes I wonder if I could do it all over again if I would get it right.

Sometimes wonder why I even try.

Sometimes I wonder where my baby is.

Sometimes I wonder if I should even have a baby.

Sometimes I wonder what the hell happened to me.

Sometimes I wonder, "why not me?"

Sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

I always wish I could be better.

9 comments:

baggage said...

I am so sorry.

coffeegrind said...

I'm sorry Amy.

Kathy said...

I'm sorry Amy.

My Sping On Things said...

I am so so sorry. You know I went through almost 20 years of infertility myself and have taken over 250 pregnancy tests which were all negatives. I feel your pain and so wish I could take it from you.

If I can help please let me know.

Natalie said...

You just summed up how I feel sometimes too.......just ride this out, this will pass, I promise.

Yvonne said...

Oh Sweetie. I, too, am sorry.

Truly, everyone has different circumstances but I think we have felt this way at times.

Many, many hugs to you. And Bob loves you because he sees you for the wonderful, loving woman you are. It's like magic.

Jen G. said...

Sometimes I wish all of those things too...you are not alone, and you are not crazy...you are human. But, you are also the beloved of God, and He loves you and will take care of you. He did not say that we will not have pain and sadness in our life...He said that he would be there when we did.

I love you, and I am praying for you!

Anonymous said...

((((HUG)))
You are not alone
You are loved by God, Bob, kitties, many, many family, friends and cyberfriends.
I wish I could make thigs better.

Debby

Anonymous said...

I want to "echo" the people who've already shared here. Yes, we all have feelings and thoughts similar to what you are/have been feeling, throughout our lives!

Questions for you..do you have people you can vent your thoughts/feelings with? Are you plugged into a source where you can 'replenish' yourself?

Know this too...that you are not made complete by people, places, things or if you are a wife, mother or friend. Even if you have a husband and/or kids you may still have those same feelings you share here!
It's like when you 'want' a certain thing (ie a pretty_____fill in the blank)and you get it and you still have feelings of 'want'!
You are a special person, you are loved by many AND the Almighty God! All that you are thinking negatively about yourself are lies (and you 'know' where those come from!)!!!!! Blessings to you!