Today I am going to a United Way Leadership Luncheon. I don’t know why. I guess because I was invited and because it’s a good excuse to get out of work for a couple of hours. I emailed the one co-worker I know is also going to ask her if she wanted to ride there together. Seconds after I emailed her, a group email came out to everyone in our building that is going saying that this guy had 2 spaces open in his car. I emailed the group to say I am willing to drive but want to carpool and did anyone want to join me. The one gal I emailed earlier emailed the group to say she and another co-worker would like to take the 2 spaces left in the guy’s car. Is that a deliberate snub? It sure felt like it. So I will be driving by myself and most likely sitting by myself. If I hadn’t already dressed up and RSVPed my attendance, I would just skip it.
My job interview went OK. I never know how to gage/judge these things. The one thing that tripped me up was the question, “Where do you want to be in 5 years?” I told her that I honestly didn’t know. I could have given her a blahditty blah corporate speak answer but instead I told her that I have kind of found myself in a sort of limbo where I am trying to find my niche professionally. She said she will have a final answer next week. In the meantime I have a phone interview tomorrow and I need to return another woman’s call as well today.
Things at work are still weird. Loud girl is around WAY too often for my comfort. Now that Mrs. Manager is moving from our department to Insurance, Loud Girl is all excited because they now work for the same department and will get to be together at quarterly events and such. In the hearts and minds of me and my co-workers, Insurance is Nirvana and our department is one of the 7 circles of Hell. Loud Girl and Mrs. Manager found their way back to Nirvana. My rescinded job offer came from Insurance/Nirvana. In talking with my HR rep, we figured out that either Mrs. Manger or my manager would have had to have disclosed the written warning and talked to New Manager about me since HR does not keep written warnings on file. Even though New Manager said she came by the information from HR, she most likely was lying to save Mrs. Manager or my manager’s hide. So, I can only conclude that my new job offer was deliberately sabotaged because they either did not want me to move on or they did not want me to move on to Nirvana. Mrs. Manager has a history of sabotaging her directs’ professional lives. There was a time she did not recommend one of her staff for a position because the job paid more than Mrs. Manager thought this person should make. There was another time she did not recommend one of her staff for a position because it was more of a promotion than she thought they deserved. So based on all of this, I can only conclude my new job offer was sabotaged as well. Oh well. I will just keep on keeping on and see where I can go.
In counseling yesterday, we talked about my fear of failure. Bob thinks I have a fear of success, but I don’t. I fear failure. I fear it to the point that I won’t even attempt something if there is even a hint that I might fail. I don’t understand. So what if I fail? I can always try again, right? Nope. Failure is bad. Failure is wrong. To fail means that you are a failure. I don’t know where I came up with this mode of thought, but it is deeply ingrained. That is why I haven’t started my own photography business yet. I keep coming back to it and I think it would be a great thing to do. But then I think of my cheesy “equipment” and my lack of business acumen and of all I don’t know and I don’t even go forward. Gah!
Enough of that.
This weekend was good but busy. On Friday night I unpacked and hung all our wall hangings and pictures. I also took a painting Bob’s grandma painted to Michael’s for framing. We have had this painting for 5 years and have never had it framed. I picked out a frame from the ones they had in the aisle. The guys in the framing center showed me the hardware I would need to mount it and told me I could find it at Menards or Home Depot.
On Saturday, I ran errands. I stopped at Wal-Mart to pick up some cat litter and ended up looking for the framing hardware (not found), spring bulbs (not found), pumpkins (found!), TV cable (found!), paint for a cabinet I have, and other assorted stuff. After that, I ran to Menards where I did not find the framing hardware but I did find spring bulbs and gardening wire to cover my pots. (I am not going to the trouble of planting bulbs only to have the squirrels and chipmunks dig them up for winter food.) After Menards, I ran to Home Depot where I STILL did not find the framing hardware. On my way home from all of this, Bob called to say he was out of packing tape and paper for the printer. So I had to stop at Target to get that stuff. While there, I checked their hardware section and they too were of no help regarding framing hardware. Although the small farmer’s market nearby did have the perfect spaghetti squash!
Once home I dropped everything off and put everything away and packed up the painting and the frame I had purchased the day before and took it back to Michael’s to have them frame it. I should have done that in the first place. The rest of the day was spent cleaning, hanging more things on our walls, putting things into storage, and cleaning out our patio garden. Thank goodness the weather was beautiful! It was sunny, breezy, and 80 degrees and so nice.
Sunday was spent cleaning, sanding, and painting my cabinet. I have photos but have not yet uploaded them to Flickr. Check back later if you are anxious to see them. Just as I finished painting, Michael’s called to say my framing order was ready for pick up. I picked it up, brought it home, and promptly hung it over our couch. Bob loves it and is thankful I thought of getting this done. Sunday was also the day we officially signed the realtor’s papers saying we are not buying the condo.
Weather tomorrow and Thursday? Snow. Snow mixed with rain. Highs in the 30’s. Snow! SNOW! It is only October 10th. And yet I have heard 2 more new holiday ads on TV and last night on the news the anchors read a story about people who are already done with their Christmas shopping. Whatever.