Savings

I had my annual princess lady exam last night. It wasn't horrible. Ever since getting married, these exams aren't so heinous. I guess it's the regular use of my vajayjay area. Plus, when I told the doctor about the recent horrific first day of period, she prescribed a lovely narcotic pain reliever for me. Yay! I also had her look at the area on my chin where there had been a lump. None existed at the time of her examination of course. She said that sometimes salivary glands can get clogged and become lump-like and sore. She thought that since it went away on it's own it was probably a clogged gland. Sure. I'll buy that.

The only bad thing about the visit was that she was way behind so I missed American Idol entirely. Bummer. However, there is another show on tonight so I can still get my fix in this week.

I had counseling today. It went well. In fact, it went so well that we determined I should probably consider stopping at this point. Well, not altogether. My next appointment is a month from today and then we will probably finish a month after that. How's that for progress? I really feel proud to have come this far from last summer.

Bob called me at work today. Turns out he took our giant jar of change to the bank. After our financial class last week and our discussion of what to do with that change, he decided to take the half dollars and dollar coins out and just turn in the rest of it. Guess how much we had in that giant jar? $550! He put it into a one year CD that we can add to throughout the year at the same rate we are getting on the principle. That used to be our Alaskan Cruise fund but now it has become our house fund. We will have to save a lot more in order to have enough for a down payment on a house, but we are at a good place to start. Bob is super excited about saving now. I'm liking it, but I still think a nice pair of end tables and a Dyson would be a good investment into our living space.

The Fish Went Well

Broiled Tilapia Parmesan with rice and salad
Originally uploaded by SunFlowery.

This was our dinner tonight: Broiled Tilapia Parmesan with rice and salad. I was nervous because I hadn't made it before and because I wasn't sure Bob would like the fish. I needn't have worried. He had two helpings and it was yummy. Click the photo for the recipe.

Suddenly I'm Aware I Have Breasts!

Rant:  I know I have said this before but it bears repeating.  In my office there is one women’s bathroom.  The bathroom has 4 stalls.  My favorite stall is all the way at the end which leaves the 3 remaining stalls empty.  However, perceived bathroom etiquette dictates that a new person coming in should pick either the first stall or the second stall leaving a one or two stall buffer zone.  Just now I was in the bathroom, in the very last stall, doing my own thing when along comes another person.  Does she choose stall one?  Nope.  Stall two? Nope.  She sits right down in stall three, the stall directly next to the stall I’m in.  I hate this so much.  Not only do I begin to feel weirder about the bathroom noises we are both making but suddenly a very horrible smell begins to waft from her side to my side.  If she had given us a two stall buffer zone, I might have gotten out of there without having to wonder what crawled up her bum and died.  *insert choking/gagging sound here*.  Remember to leave a buffer zone.  Of course all of this is negated if more than two women use this bathroom at a time.  Then there is not much you can do about any of that.

I received the report from my mammogram.  Great news!  There is no evidence of breast cancer at all.  I have my special princess lady exam tomorrow and will know soon if there are signs of cervical cancer.  2007. The year of eliminating the threat of possible cancer.  Oh!  And that weird lump in my throat is no longer there.  I may still have her check that out but now that there is no lump there isn’t much to check. 

Even though I don’t have breast cancer, for some reason my boobs are suddenly very present.  I mean I have a large chest and they can’t really be ignored, but for some reason all of a sudden I am really aware of them.  They seem fuller and have been itchy and a tad achy and sore. Not so sore that I have pop some Advil, but if I happen to bump them or lean on them, there is a minor soreness than suddenly makes me aware of them.  I am probably ovulating and am just picking up on the hormonal changes, but still, it’s weird for me to suddenly be so aware of the chestal area.

Tonight I am making a new-to-us dinner.  Not only is the recipe new, but the ingredients are new as well.  I am making a broiled breaded tilapia.  We are not fish people.  I mean we like fish, but because I don’t feel confident making it, we NEVER have it.  Lately I have been succumbing to advertising guilt over not incorporating more fish into our diet.  So to combat that, I bought some tilapia and will cook it up tonight.  I hope it’s good.  I have pasta and sauce standing by, just in case.  Bob will try anything once and I have rice and a salad as sides, but still, it is scary to make and try a new thing. I will let you know how it goes.

Absolutely Nothing

I did nothing today. Well, other than make an egg bake for breakfast, brownies for a snack, crockpot swiss steak for dinner, and vacuum the entire apartment. It sounds like a lot, but really it wasn't. I spent most of the day holed up on the couch reading a book and later watching the SAG awards. Refering to the latter, way to go America Ferrara and Chondra Wilson! Yay!

The potato soup I made yesterday came from the Super Target website. It starts with a roux made up of 1/3 cup of butter and 1/4 cup of flour. They say to use 6 baking potates but I used 4 and it still got too thick. After the roux thickens, add your milk of choice. They say to use skim. I used 2%. I boiled the potatoes and added them to the roux/milk mixture. It would have been better if I'd added more milk. As it sat, it got thicker, more to the texture of mashed potatoes than soup. Still it was quite tasty. If you want a more detailed recipe, I would search the Super Target website under the recipe tab. It was pretty tasty, though I was disappointed with the thickness of it. In fact, I used some of the leftovers and added them to my mashed potatoes tonight.

I think I need a new vacuum. I try to keep up with keeping our carpets and floors clean, but with 4 shedding cats and a husband whose wheelchair tracks in every speck of salt, sand, and dirt it is hard. I covet the Dyson Animal vacuum but am not exactally sure that is the right vacuum for us. And I loathe spending $500 on a vacuum. Anyway, I am doing what I can to keep up, but the cat hair was flying around like crazy today. Blech.

My folks are supposed to be back from Jaimaca today. I hope they had a great trip and were able to enjoy some warm, sunny days and the beach. Oh to be back on the beach.

Winter Fun in the Twin Cities

Today was busy with all kinds of goings ons. Most importantly though I was able to sleep in and that was so nice. I was in bed by 9:30 last night and slept until 9 this morning. Heaven!

I was out the door by 10. There was cat food to procure and a haircut to be had. Bangs are back and I have them. Though I did forget about the horrible cowlick I have until the bangs were already cut. Oh well, that's what hair products and curling irons are for. Right? At least it will grow out, eventually.

Since I was out and about anyway, I thought I would drive over to St. Paul to check out the winter carnival. Why does it seem so much cooler on TV and in the paper than in person? Yesterday the high was almost 40 so a lot of ice sculptures and things melted and fell apart. Today, it was 12 degrees at noon and everyone was bundled to the point of walking like penguins.

I walked around and looked at the snow and ice sculptors. There was a giant snow slide. They made kids wear helmets as they rode down the hill on a plastic sled. That just seemed silly. Still, the kids seemed to be having fun.

There were some sculptures from yesterday that were broken and crumbled. But there were sculptors working on new, bigger, and better creations. They use chainsaws and irons. It was cool to see 200 pound blocks of ice being turned into beautiful, etched, and sparkly creations. I was glad I wasn't an ice sculptor today though. While carving the ice with a chainsaw, one guy was just covered in ice shavings. Another guy was etching some detail into the ice and it just seemed like a lot of work to do on something that is just going to melt on the first day with temps in the 30s. Still, it was cool to see the ideas these sculptors had come to live in ice before our eyes.

There was supposed to be a giant ice maze at this place, but either I didn't see it, didn't walk in the right direction to find it, or it was actually in another location. It would have been cool to see and maybe even walk through. They did have pony rides though. It was cute to see these well-bundled up kids sitting atop fuzzy little ponies. The company that brought the ponies also brought an awesome Great Pyranese. It was almost as big as a couple of the ponies there. Some ladies came over the pet him and asked me if I knew what kind of dog he was. I told them what kind and as I was talking, he leaned on one of the ladies and she laughed. "Oh, he's a leaner," she said. I laughed and said, "This breed is a herding dog. He's trying to keep you with your herd." The rest of her friends laughed and said he would have his work cut out because they are forever losing her. We all laughed and they moved on.

There was another attraction at the carnival and it was supremely Minnesotan. The Minnesota Hot Dish tent. It was a place to warm up, listen to live music and taste one of the dishes Minnesota is most known for. I speak of, The Hot Dish! I did not partake. When I walked by, I heard the jazzy sounds of some Dixieland jazz. Nothing heats up a cold winter day like some Dixieland. The joint was jumping with it.

Once I left Harriet Island, I went back home to make some lunch and warm up. Bob was still sleeping so I made him an egg sandwich for later. Even if he wakes up after noon, he wants breakfast food for his first meal of the day. I heated up a left over baked potato and spooned some chili over it. It was the perfect lunch on this blustery day.

Bob left for the station and I went out yet again. This time I was going grocery shopping. I made a menu of meus for the next two weeks and created a grocery list based on what we needed from the menu.

Because of the money class we are taking, we have establisted a grocery budget. I wasn't sure if I could get all the things on our list and still stay within budget. How'd I do? Well, I used a calculator and stayed strictly to the list and got everything on it with about $1.55 left over. I am a shopping guru.

Once home, I put everything away and started diner. I made a potato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. the soup was good but got a little too thick upon standing. I can add milk to the leftovers and it should be OK. I am making swiss steak in the crockpot for dinner tomorrow night. Even thick the soup was quite tasty. It was the perfect compliment to the quinticential winter day.

Ode to the Library

I know I’ve said this before but I am in love with my local library. I remember growing up and loving the library. I loved it when my mom took us. I loved my elementary school library. I loved being able to ride my bike by myself to the library. When I was in high school I practically camped out at the library. Librarians loved me and would recommend books for me to read. When I got to college my work study had me working at the campus library and thus ended my fascination and love affair with the library. When you have to use the Dewey Decimal System to shelve books and sort card catalog files, the library loses its magic and luster. This led to a separation between me and the library of well over a decade. I did, however, find solace in the arms of Barne’s and Noble, Borders Books, and various and sundry booksellers.

When I recently returned to school, I began patronizing my local library again. First, I needed to use their databases. Then I found the library a quiet and non-distracting place to study. Finally, because I was once again a student on a student’s budget but this time with a husband, I remembered what libraries are for! Books! Glorious books! Then, I found books on tape for long commutes and car rides. Finally, I got an iPod for Christmas and I have found the musical nirvana that is inter-library loan.

Do other countries have libraries? Can you imagine explaining how it works to someone not familiar with the library system? It seems magical and too good to be true. You can check out as many books, tapes, CDs, and movies as you want for FREE. All you’re required to do is bring them back in the time allotted and care for them while they are under your care.

I don’t think I will actually buy another book as long as I live. I read them too fast. Seriously, I will buy a hardcover book and read it in a day. I rarely, if ever, reread a book so then it sits on my shelf for years never getting cracked open again. UNLESS I happen to take it to half price books or some book drive. Why spend upwards of $20 on brand new books when I can get them from my local library for free?

I know brand new titles are not easy to get at the library but I have figured out how to work that too. Our county library has a website. They list all upcoming books (or you can go to Amazon or other book sites to see what’s coming out and when.) and have a feature where you can request the book. Granted there are usually hundreds of requestors ahead of me but if I keep checking out other books and reading those, as time goes by I forget I even requested the new book until I get an email from the library that says the book I requested is in and waiting for me. I love this system. I can peruse the library by internet, find the book, movie, tape, or CD I want, click “request”, and then it goes into a queue. Once it becomes available, I get an email saying I need to come pick it up and check it out. I go to the library and head directly for the “hold” shelves. There under my number is the very thing I’ve been waiting for. I pick it up and check it out.

My library allows me to view my account on their website. I can see what’s out under my name, what I’ve requested that has yet to come in, what is due and when it’s due, and if I have any fines or messages. It is a great system. I feel like it puts the world at my fingertips. I can get book suggestions based on things I’ve checked out or I can look and see what might be interesting to me based on topic, author, title, or key word. Based on the number of requests ahead of me, I can surmise that I am not the only one enjoying this system. I wonder if these other requestors are also iPod owners since much of what is in my queue right now are CDs. I find it hard to believe that as requestor number 27 of 27 total requests for the Best of Howard Jones, the 26 people ahead of me are just Jones-heads needing a fix. Do the libraries know they are providing us with iPod fodder? How can they not? Especially when I check out a CD one night only to return it the next.

Oh Hennepin County Library System, thank you for rekindling my love for the library. Thank you for taking my love and making it more than I could ever imagine it could be. You are my density.

A Rant, A Plug, and A Tale

First a rant:  The building where I work provides the people employed there with free ramp parking.  This is nice since those of my fellow Big Bank Co compatriots who work downtown do not get that lovely perk.  However, what is the deal with people driving hulking trucks and SUVs not being able to guide their behemoth into an average size parking stall?  This morning I felt as if I needed some guys with orange sticks waving me in so as not to gash the vehicles on either side of me.  Oh, I don’t care about my car.  There are all kinds of dings, dents, and rusted pock marks on it for me to care about another scrape or two.  But heaven forbid I nick or scratch the gilded siding of the Escalade to the left of me or the sparkling Mercedes SUV to the right of me, even though they are the ones who parked over the yellow lines.  It is true I could have parked in another spot and I considered it for half a minute.  But I was running late and I drive a small Hyundai.  I should be able to fit my tiny little car in any spot and should not have to worry about fitting it in.  Why should people who drive giant cars get to park willy nilly however they want?  Can’t they respect the yellow lines and fit their cars within the space provided?  Granted, this is a small problem in comparison to world hunger and the fighting in Iraq but it is what was directly irritating me today.

If you are not watching American Idol you are missing some quality entertainment.  How is it that someone who can’t even sing thinks she can make it on American Idol?  Truly, this girl got to the judges, sang, was told she couldn’t sing, agreed with them and said they could teach/make her into the American Idol.  This isn’t American Pygmalion young lady. You must have some semblance of talent in order to get anywhere with these judges.  (Although to Paula, if you are male, under 22, and look good, you may just get a bye.)  I blame Paris Hilton who is famous just because she’s famous.  Heck she can’t sing and she got a record deal too. (And by the way, I have looked everywhere to try and find out who in the heck her young co-star is in her video for “Nothing in This World”.  He is a cutie that I am certain I’ve seen before but I have “It’s THAT guy-it is” and can’t place him.  Anyone?)  Also, if you are watching American Idol but not participating in Mamapop’s live blogging of said show then you are REALLY missing out.  Check it: www.mamapop.com

Tonight Bob and I are taking a financial class together.  He took it over a year ago and really liked it.  He learned a lot about savings and living on cash and paying down debt, etc.  I am looking forward to learning all that stuff as well since I have not had the best year financially speaking and it will be good to be on the same page as my husband.  However, I am nervous because as much as I adore my husband, I am afraid I will come out of this class crying every Thursday night.  Bob is a blurter.  It’s a bad habit he has been working on yet no amount of my “Think it, don’t say it,” has helped curb the habit completely.  I am afraid that Bob is going to rehash my fiscal blunders before everyone in the class and I will come out looking like a 12 year old with a credit card.  I will have to talk to Bob about this ahead of time but I am still prepared to defend myself against his blurty blunders.  This is the man who told his sister and brother in law that when we got married I initiated the “nothing up the butt” rule.  It is true and here I am telling you, but it was not something I wanted my husband to tell his own family…especially while I was standing right there!  So we shall see what happens.  If nothing else it will make for good blog fodder.

Random Bits of Nothing

So I had my Mammogram yesterday and it wasn’t so bad.  I was actually in and out in about 20 minutes.  Still, it wasn’t a completely pleasant experience.  Every time the nurse touched my nipple, I would jump and giggle.  Because I am a dork.  I think the experience isn’t so bad for me because I have a massive amount of breast tissue so there isn’t a lot of pain, just discomfort.  How do women without a lot of breast tissue get their mammograms done?  It must be a lot more painful and a lot more discomfort.  I also wonder how they get a good read on women with implants since there is a lot of squishing and squashing and flattening.  Breast implants would seem to me to not be very malleable or flat, but I am only going by my experience since that’s the only frame of reference I have.  I have my annual physical a week from yesterday, so I have that to look forward to.  Excellent.

The St. Paul Winter Carnival starts on Friday and yet someone has already found the medallion.  The finder found it after only 3 clues which I guess is some kind of record.  I want to head out to Harriet Island this weekend to take pictures of the snow and ice sculptures and the other activities going on.  It’s during events such as this that I wish I had a better camera.  I long for a digital SLR.  I am torn between the Nikon D70 and the Cannon EOS 5D.  I have seen photos taken with both.  I have played with a Nikon but not with the Cannon yet.  Still, both are FAR outside our budget. Bob and I agreed to split the tax return this year but I doubt I will be able to buy something so extravagant with my half.  Anyway, I will still head to St. Paul in hopes of capturing some nice images of the frigid festivities.

Sometimes I hate working for the department I work for.  The department we are working in the midst of is having fun and games and activities in order to praise and thank all their employees.  They have balloons, gifts, free lunches, a free event, games, and are bonding and team building.  I talked to my boss about it and said that I knew it was a matter of the budget but couldn’t our higher ups at least sprung for a balloon and a free lunch?  She said she brought it up and never heard back about it.  Nice.  I feel like I have really gone all out and accomplished a bunch of stuff to keep our little group going and no one says anything unless I mess up.  Oh, except I did get a service award so that’s not entirely true.  Still, I did end our last quarter with NO pending items which is unprecedented and nothing was ever said on that.  I know I go on and on about this every year since we got cut from Insurance and added to our current department.  I guess it’s because I really thrive on affirmation and kudos.  I also am particularly sensitive to anything feeling remotely like rejection and that’s what it feels like when you see all the people around you enjoying a nice gift and free lunch and you are banned from the lunch room because it’s only for the use of the others.  Gah!  I will stop whining about it now.

I will say this.  My boss came to me today and apologized for making me take a PTO day for going to Bob’s Dad’s memorial service.  She said that should have counted as a bereavement day and is NOT a PTO day. She said that I now have an extra PTO day in my total and should not count that as one.  It was really a classy thing for her to do and she did it in a very kind way.  Kudos to my boss.

Smooooooosh

Today is Mammogram day.  Man I just can’t wait to get my boobs smooshed up on glass plating.  SO!  MUCH!  FUN!  Other than that, not much else is going on.

Oh!  I did want to talk about my iPod again though.  You know what’s awesome?  Listening to all my favorite songs at work.  You know what’s hard?  Not singing aloud at the top of my voice like I do in my car.  Any of you have that problem?  No?  Just me then?  OK.  Still, I love my little pink iPod.  Last night I loaded a bunch of Billy Joel and Duran Duran songs on it.  Tonight it’s Queen Latifah and the best of Prince!

My Parents Are in Jamaica Right This Very Minute

According to scientists today is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year.  Yay us!  After my fun and productive weekend, I did wake up with a small amount of malaise. My mood was not made better by walking into the office today.  As I walked off the elevator, I walked into a lobby surrounded by fanciful, colorful balloons and a huge banner that said, “You make us great!”  As soon as I saw it my heart and mood dropped.  Oh great.  It’s that time of year again.  It’s the Insurance departments’ employee appreciation week.  This is great if you are employed in the Insurance department but sucks rocks if you aren’t.  Guess which boat I’m in?  Correct!  I am the in red headed stepchild boat.  The boat where we must witness the love lavished upon all the employees on our floor but cannot partake.  SUCKS!  As I walk to my desk I have to pass cube after cube, each adorned with a fun balloon and a gift bag.  Then I get to our corner of the floor and am greeted by the stark emptiness of NOTHING.  This looks to be a long, dark, bleak week. 

It wouldn’t be so bad except I know review time is quickly approaching.  I am anxious about reviews this year.  Last year was my worst and it was evident in all the stupid mistakes I made at work and in my attendance.  The past 6 months have been stellar, though.  In fact, I have earned 2 service awards and several email commendations in my efforts here since the mass exodus of 2006.  Still, I have some reservations about my boss’s ability to look at the past 6 months objectively in light of the previous 6 months.  I think I have to wait until March to get the actual review.  I am not looking forward to it at all.

I KNOW that I married the right man.  I made another financial error.  I paid one of our credit card bills twice and missed a payment on another one thinking I was paying it instead.  So then we got a bill from the card I didn’t pay and it was HUGE because we got dinged for missing a payment and that put us over our limit so they dinged us again for being over the limit.  Bob got the bill and was 27 different kinds of pissed.  Thankfully I wasn’t home when he got the bill.  By the time I got home, he had calmed down and was able to discuss it with me.  We are working on our financial plan.  We are starting a class on Thursday that will help us to pay down our debt and save money.  I need something.  It is the shame of my life. I am almost 40 years old and am smart.  Why can I not get my act together financially?  Why do I keep making these stupid math errors and billing errors?  Hopefully this class will help.  Bob is so patient with me. He tells me that I am not doing anything he didn’t do at my age and that one day it will all fall together and I will be better.  Even though these mistakes adversely affect him, he remains calm and a source of stability for me.  He continues to amaze me.

A Little Winter Fun

I had a very good weekend. Despite temperatures in the mid-teens, I decided to go out and enjoy the day on Saturday. According to the paper, there was to be a kite flying rally at Lake Harriet from noon to four.

I left the house around ten and went to the library. I love our library. There were kids running around, students studying, people perusing the stacks, weird guys on the computer. It was awesome. I went to the holds shelves and picked up my cds and the book I'd been waiting for. On my way out, I stopped at the coffee counter and got a pumpkin spice latte to go.

From there I drove to Walgreen’s. I had to pick up some batteries and I needed to get something that could cover my iPod. I ended up finding a pack of 3 rubber skins that also included a neck strap and arm band. All for $10! If that's a bad deal, I don't wanna know. I thought it was a pretty good deal. The only problem was that they were encased in that hard plastic shell stuff. I could not get it out without ripping the whole thing apart.

I got to Lake Harriet around 11:30 and other than people jogging, walking, and skiing, no one was around. I walked around a bit and met a cool couple with the BEST dog, Parker. Parker was a 7 month old Schnauzer/Lab mix and he was just cuter than cute. The dog met me first and greeted me with a big jump, lick, and a head bump. As is the fashion of people meeting other people with dogs, instead of talking to the people with the dog, I started talking to the dog. I found out (from his people) that his name is Parker, he's 7 months old and he was a pound dog. We chatted a big and I found out that they were there for the kite festival too.

Before I left the park, there were about three families out on the frozen lake flying kites. I walked out on the lake myself. I took a picture of my feet standing on the frozen lake and thought of how exactly one year ago, those same feet were standing in warm Atlantic Ocean waters. Standing out on a frozen lake was not quite as fun, though it was exhilarating. I was standing about 100 feet out from the shore. In the summer, I couldn't have going swimming as far out as I was standing. It's one of the fun things about winter in the North.

That reminds me of a story. When I was in my mid-twenties, I lived in Frederick, MD. I shared a townhouse with two friends. One of the friends was from Austin, TX originally. One of the things we used to like to do together was watch ice skating on TV. My roommate mentioned that when she was growing up, she used to love to ice skate. Right away the picture in my head was of my friend as a young girl skating on an outdoor pond. Yet that picture seemed incongruent because I knew Texas to be of a warmer climate. I could not put the two together. She must have sensed my confusion and then told me that she skated indoors in arenas much like the skaters on TV. Oh. Duh. All my ice skating up to that point had been outside on ponds, lakes, and man-made rinks. My frame of reference was so small at that time. It must be like that with people in warmer climates who can't imagine a whole lake freezing over, let alone walking or driving on it.

Anyway, after checking out the kite flying, I decided I needed some lunch. I drove to Calhoun Square in Uptown thinking I might check out a nice sandwich shop. I stopped by Figlio but even their lunch prices were kind of steep. I walked outside and right away was enticed by the most amazing of aromas. I walked by a hole in the wall Mediterranean place. There were chickens on rotisseries and lamb on spits. There was strombolli in ovens and potatoes roasting. This place had no art, no decorations, no themes, and no real ambiance. Yet the smell of the food cooking was enough to make me stay. I ordered a gyro with potatoes. It took a while for the guy to prepare it, but I had a book and was OK waiting. Once he served it up, I knew I was in trouble. There was way more food than I could eat but I loaded up my pita with home made cucumber sauce, lamb, tomatoes, and lettuce and had at it. The pita was toasted and warm; the lamb was crispy and tender. The potatoes were so soft and warm I could hardly leave them alone. It was one of the simplest meals and yet it tasted so good I could barely stand to have leftovers. Thankfully the guy at the counter gave me a to-go box. Leftovers!

I left Uptown and decided that after that wonderful warm lunch I was not ready to go back into the frigid cold and needed a taste of spring. So I headed to the Mall of America where I had heard they had the world's largest tulip show in bloom.

Thousands of others must have had the same idea since there was a huge line of cars wrapped around the mall and in all the parking ramps. Once inside the mall, the crowds were Christmas shopping season large. Still, once I found the first plot of tulips, all that was forgotten. There were thousands of beautiful, colorful, spring-like tulips growing all over the park. It's a shame that tulips don't smell because I would have buried my nose in the bunch and inhaled until my nose fell off. As it was, I took a bunch of pictures in hopes of bringing spring home with me.

Once I'd had enough of crowds, noise, and bratty children, I headed back to Lake Harriet in hopes of finding more kite flyers. On the way, I missed my exit and got stuck in the Pond Hockey Championship traffic. Gah! Still, I made my way out and got back to the lake around 3:30. There about a half dozen people out on the lake flying kites so I stopped and took some pictures. Not only were there kite flyers out on the lake, there were ice fisherman, skiers, skaters, and snowshoers. Lots of people were braving the cold in order to have a little winter fun.

Once home, I decided to clean off my laptop and Bob's computer. I backed up all the important stuff to disk and deleted it from both our computers. I ran the defrag program and rebooted both machines. Then I uploaded the new pics to my Flickr account. All in all, it was a very good day.

Today wasn't as good in entertainment value though it was quite productive. I made a pot of chili, did our laundry, cleaned the cat boxes, vacuumed, ran the dishwasher, and ran by the pet store to get some fish food.

The only thing I wished I could have done differently was to get more sleep. I don't know what it is about winter, but I feel as though I could sleep all day every day. I want to hibernate like a bear. Although if I did hibernate, I would not have had the chance to enjoy the day like I did yesterday. It was cold, windy, blustery, and frigid and yet I really had fun. It wasn't the same kind of fun I had last year in Florida or the same kind of fun my parents are going to have in Jamaica this week, but it was fun of the winter kind.

Computers Are the Wave of the Future

Today I was able to go to the lender of Bob’s student loan and update some information right there online.  I was able to go to the local library website and see 1.) What books I have checked out, 2.)  When they are due, 3.) What, if anything is being held for me, and 4.) What I am still waiting for to show up.  I was able to look up a zip code and calculate postage at the US Post Office website.  I updated my iTunes.  I read the local paper online.  I answered some email.  I looked up a phone number using Google and Dex.  I did my mammogram prescreen at the health practitioner’s website.  Man.  There is almost nothing that I do that can’t be done online.  Now if only my computer could clean my toilets, I would be set.

In counseling the other day, my counselor and I determined that things were going well enough with me that I could schedule appointments every other week.  That, my friends, is the best news ever.  We did discuss something that has been bothering me lately:

ME:     “Whenever Bob and I talk, he interrupts me and talks and talks and talks.  So I just shut up and then I’ve forgotten what I was talking about in the first place.  Now, I just feel like not talking to him at all.”

        DR. COUNSELOR:  “What do you do when this happens?”

        ME:     “I just stop talking.  Oh, but the other day I did wait until he was done talking to tell him that he had interrupted me and I was upset.”

        DR. COUNSELOR:  “What did he say?”

        ME:     “He was upset that he had done that and said he was sorry and that he would try not to do it again.”

        DR. COUNSELOR:  “Has he done it again?”

        ME:     “Yes.”
        DR. COUNSELOR:  “What did you do?”
        ME:     “Stopped talking altogether.”

        DR. COUNSELOR:  “Why don’t you just interrupt him back?”

        ME:     ?????  “You can do that?  It never occurred to me to do that.  I WILL do that!

Duh.  Good thing I see a counselor huh?  What a breakthrough that was.

This weekend I have nothing planned but some ideas for photography fun.  The Mall of America is hosting a large tulip exhibition and who doesn’t love tulips?  Also, there is a kite flying thing going on at Lake Harriet on Saturday that might be good for some photo opportunities.  And let’s not forget the annual organizing of the tax paperwork for the tax preparer!  Fun! Excitement!  Oh, and I’ll be making a big pot of chili.  Come over, won’t you?

Bob Speaks

Bob Reading Close Up
Originally uploaded by SunFlowery.

Sunday morning Bob spoke at the church where his brother is the senior pastor. Bob's brother asked him to speak about disappointment and how he has handled it in his life. He thought Bob had something to say that someone in the church needed to hear. Interestingly enough, I think I needed to hear what Bob's brother had to say.

Bob did very well and spoke from his heart. I think it touched a lot of people. Don did an excellent job in meshing his message with Bob's. Yet through it all I felt so guilty. Throughout Bob's message, I sat there so proud, so in love, and so very guilty. Even though Bob has suffered disappointment after disappointment, his faith in God has never wavered. His relationship with God has only improved, grown, and gotten better. My own relationship with God has suffered this past year. I ran from him. I was angry and hurt. I bottled everything up. I no longer trusted God. I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped praying. I stopped worshipping. I stopped going to church. And my relationship with Bob suffered as well. This was something I hadn't noticed until church on Sunday morning. My holding God at arms length wasn't hurting God but it sure hurt me and Bob.

Interestingly throughout my rebellion towards God I have had a strange peace deep inside me that though I had moved away from God, he had not moved away from me. In his deep and abiding love for me, he was going to patiently wait for me to come back to him. I must say I am closer than ever to the point where I am ready to trust him again. I still have pain. I still ache and hurt and wonder, but I see that just because life hurts doesn't mean God does. He doesn't inflict hurt, life does and yet he is there in the midst of it, ready to help me through it. I haven't reached out to him yet and I don't know why, but I am closer than I have been in over a year.

Bob and I have also decided to attend his brother's church through the rest of this next sermon session. After that we will decide if we will make it our permanent church home. We both think that we will, but we want to be sure.

If you would like to hear Bob and his brother, go here and you can stream the message: http://www.chapelhillchurch.com/Online%20Sermons.htm. Sorry I don't have it hyperlinked. Just copy and paste it into your browser.
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I woke up yesterday feeling crappy. I have some kind of cold or something. My throat is sore and my eyes keep tearing up. I cough from my chest but not very often. I had aches and a fever. Yet I went out and finished our laundry and ran errands. When I got home, I tried to read but ended up taking a three hour nap.

I woke up this morning fully intending to go to work but just felt so weak and achy that I called in sick. I hate calling in sick. There is such a passive aggressive attitude towards people who call in sick, yet I don't think anyone would be very happy to catch this crud. Bah!

Next week is my annual mammogram and woman's physical. Whoo. I hate the annual physical stuff. The lump in my chin is much smaller than it was, but it's still there. It only aches if I push on it now so I don't push on it. (Well, not too much anyway.) I will have my doctor check it out next week. Scares me, but better safe than sorry. If it's nothing, it's nothing. If it's something, well, then better it be taken care of sooner when things are more easily removed and fought.

What Happened to Trainwrecks?

I tried to go to my favorite time waster, Trainwrecks, only to find a blank white page and the phrase, "See You Space Cowboy...". Not sure what happened. I evven Googled a cached page to see if there were any clues available. There were none. If you are in the know, please email me to let me in on the poop.

I LOVE the internet. I missed Grey's Anatomy last night. Curses to mid season reruns and a confusing return to new show schedule. But at lunch today at work, I logged on to ABC's website and was able to watch the whole show online. Ditto with Ugly Betty. After that, I was able to listen to Keith and the Girl's podcast on my ipod. I listen to the most recent show first and then listen to past shows in order to catch up. The internet is a beautiful thing.

I have a three day weekend this weekend and am so thankful. There's not much going on this weekend other than opening a savings account specific to adoption costs, laundry, Bob speaking in church on Sunday, and a whole day of nothing on Monday. Ahhhhhh. I will be reading and possibly walking and listening to my Pinky McShinesalot. (Um, that's my ipod's name, not the name of something in my swimsuit area.)

Blog Cancer Gets Passed On

Hey all you married people, is this normal?  I am completely and totally in love with my husband but right now he is getting on my last nerve.  Part of it is his health issues which are preventing him from getting things done that need to be done.  I hate feeling resentful towards him for this because he lives in pain every day of his life and what do I know from pain?  However, I sometimes get so fed up with things not getting done because he doesn’t feel well. Sometimes I wonder, does he really not feel well or is it that he just doesn’t feel like doing it?  There is something he has to do and he has postponed and rescheduled it 3 days in a row now.

The thing that really gets to me is when there is something going on at home that has irritated or upset Bob enough that he feels he has to call me at work and get on me about it.  He feels like if he doesn’t call me and tell me about it right then and there, A.) He will forget about it and B.) I will be unaware and keep doing the thing that irritates and upsets him.  He thinks this is a good way to work on our communication.  It irritates me because A.)  There is nothing I can do about it from work and B.)  I don’t think it’s fair that he essentially calls me at work to bitch me out about stuff at home.  Plus if it’s something you think you might forget later, then it can’t be that important and why do you have to bother me at work with it?  Arg!

OK, the above is still frustrating, but I just got back to my desk after a short meeting and there was a voicemail from Bob. I listened with trepidation except all it was was Bob singing Woman by John Lennon.  No matter how much we bug each other, our foundation is commitment and love and this is just all part of learning to live with and love another person.

I have a strange lump under the skin under my chin.  It doesn’t feel like it’s in the skin, it feels like it is under the skin, in the muscle.  And it is sore.  It doesn’t feel like a burgeoning zit or a skin irritation.  Bob says to leave it alone and check it again in a couple of days.  If it’s not better by the time I have my annual physical on the 25^th, I will have my doctor check it then.  Kathy must have given me her blog cancer.

Bob and I have been invited to be members of the local MDA Stride and Ride Committee.  Our first meeting is tomorrow night.  We are really looking forward to this but have no idea what to expect.  I have never been on the same committee as Bob before so that should be interesting as well.  Yee haw!

Our first adoption information meeting is scheduled for Tuesday, February 6^th.  I am going to the bank on Saturday to start a money market savings account that will be specifically for adoption fees and costs.  We have a couple hundred saved to open the account and then I have designated a specific amount to be directly deposited into it every pay day.  We are taking tentative steps on the path towards adoption.

Catching Up

Serious Bob
Originally uploaded by SunFlowery.

Hey there. I made it until 3pm without breaking down and getting a Coke. I was actually physically shaking and my mouth was all dry. I’ve been drinking water all day but nothing would do but a nice, cold, Coke. I think they MUST put Cocaine in the mix.

I haven’t written lately because my mother taught me if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all. I’m really struggling with feel slighted/hurt/easily irritated. All the things that 1 Corinthians 13 says you should feel if you really are good at practicing that thing called love. It all has to do with being/feeling protective mama bear towards my husband and having to sit through his father’s memorial service knowing that no one, other than family, was there to support him. Now in all fairness, our good friends’ daughter was getting married on the same day at roughly the same time and most of the friends we know who would have been at the memorial service were at the wedding. We totally can understand that. Still, other family members had friends, co-workers, and neighbors show up to help support the family. Also, other than a nice card from my direct co-workers and my boss, Big Bank Co completely dropped the ball. When my boss’s mother in law passed, BBC sent a giant floral arrangement and card of condolence. When my former boss’s mother in law passed, BBC sent a giant floral arrangement and card of condolence. When our former administrator’s father in law passed, BBC sent a giant floral arrangement and a card of condolence. When my father in law passed BBC sent a big wad of nothing.

Bob is doing OK. The memorial service itself was very nice. People were respectful and kind. The pastor didn’t make himself out to be the deceased’s best friend and yet gave a very nice message. Tons of family showed up and said the thing where we all agreed it was nice to see everyone and we must do this again under better circumstances. To Bob’s family’s credit, plans were already being laid for just such an occasion this summer so it’s just not platitudes on this end. There was a ton of food, some lovely memories shared, and tears and smiles all around. It was a fitting memorial for the patriarch of Bob’s family. Plus Bob looked super nice in his new suit.

Speaking of which, we went to Men’s Warehouse on Friday to get Bob his new suit. When we walked in, the manager of the store itself greeted us right away and began helping Bob pick one out. The first one he laid out was a gorgeous blue pinstripe number. We both loved it but did not so much love the $500+ price tag. Bob told the guy he had a budget and what would fit in that budget. We had to get a suit, tie, and shirt as well as alterations in that budget. To his credit, the manager did not blink before finding something suitable (ha!). I picked out 4 or 5 shirts to show Bob and the manager helped us pick out a tie. We got the suit on Bob, the seamstress set the alterations marks, and we were out of there within 45 minutes. I picked the suit up 2 hours later, along with a stop at Walgreen’s to get black show polish and new black show laces. We stayed within budget and had $10 to spare! We LOVE the Men’s Warehouse even if Bob’s tie ended up being more expensive than his shirt.

Bob gets to wear that suit again this Sunday. He is speaking at his brother’s church in Eagan. He is excited to share his testimony to a new congregation. I am hoping that not only does his story encourage those attending church that day, but that Bob is encouraged himself in sharing the story of where he’s been and where he’s going. If you live in the Metro area and want the details, email me and I will send them to you.

Songs and Podcasts

My brother told me my iPod would change my life.  He was right.  It has changed in that I am constantly thinking of songs and things I can add to Pinky.  In fact, I had to start a list.  I have 10 songs listed as needing to be added to Pinky.  I’ve also been listening to some pod casts and am not sure I will keep the one I’ve been listening to.  I have 3 more to check out.  So tell me, do those of you with mp3 players live life listening and listing songs you need to add? Does that ever go away and if so, when?  When your mp3 player is filled?  I’ve already spent $50 on music for Pinky and think I need to hold back for a bit.

I really feel pretty good this New Year.  In fact, I have counseling today and am at a loss as to what we are going to talk about.  I have some trepidation about that because since I feel so good, I am reticent to dredge up the bad, crappy stuff that makes me cry.  I don’t want to cry.  I want to keep feeling good.  Yet my counselor is too good at keeping me on task and focused on working through stuff.  She does NOT let me get away with trying to fill the hour with fluff or stuff.

Yesterday I made good on some resolutions.  I drank more water than soda.  I did have one can of Coke at lunch.  But I also drank two 32oz mugs of water at work plus more at home.  I was going to walk home from work but I forgot how dark it gets before I am even finished with my work day.  I also had to stop at the bank so I couldn’t do the walking thing.  I came home and made a home made dinner of spaghetti and meatballs.  Tonight it’s meatloaf.  We had a nice chat over our meal and some good quality time together before I went to bed.  Oh!  I was falling asleep while reading and decided to just hit the hay.  It was 7:30.  Yes.  I was in bed and mostly likely asleep by 7:35.  However, I was awoken at 4:30 by my restless husband and ended up just getting up for the day.

Last night I took all the cats’ catnip toys and put them away.  They have been acting like banshees afire lately and we are wondering if taking the catnip toys away will improve their behavior.  They just whip around the apartment like their tails are on fire.  They jump, leap, and crash into things and just overall make nuisances of themselves.  It drives us crazy.  We’ll see if this works.  At least when I came out of the bedroom this morning the cat tree was still standing, so that’s a good sign.  They still have several non-nip toys so they are not at all deprived of toy entertainment, lest you worry.

iPods Change Lives

iTunes doesn’t have any of the songs from Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation album!  NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  How will I get my Escapade fix?  Or Love Will Never Do Without You?  Or Miss You Much?  Or Black Cat? Or for that matter, Rhythm Nation?  Arg!  My brother said there are some songs you can only get if you buy the whole album but I can’t find hide or hair of these songs or the album.  Any suggestions?  I may have to buy the CD off ebay and load it into my computer.  If it were just one song I was looking for, I wouldn’t bother but since it’s 4 or 5, I am OK with it.

Today I had my first experience with a real life paradox.  A woman got off the elevator in front of me.  From behind she was gorgeous!  Great hair.  Long, dark, and curled in loose waves down her back.  Great figure. She was thin but curvy. She had on a great tan tweed skirt, long boots, and a camel colored cashmere cowl-neck sweater.  I really admired her look.  In my mind I imagined her young and beautiful.  Only, when she turned around, she was about 50 to 55 years old with granny glasses and a slightly saggy, wrinkled face that was in no way what my mind imagined.  Yikes.  The paradox really was unnerving.

Bob’s Dad’s obit was in the paper today.  It was pretty basic and didn’t give me much information I didn’t know other than his name was the same as his father’s before him.  So there are 4 of them.  Bob’s Grandpa, Bob’s dad, Bob’s brother, and Bob’s nephew.  Tomorrow I am off work and going to get the cheese/meat trays from Sam’s Club and suit shopping with Bob.  Saturday is the memorial service.  I have absolutely no clue what to expect and am somewhat nervous about the whole thing.  Oh!  And I cannot forget to make a pan of brownies to bring.  It almost slipped my mind.

Counseling yesterday was good.  I may cut back to every other week here now and see how that goes.  My counselor is good at remembering my goals and if any have been reached/attained.  At our session yesterday, I discovered I have made quite a bit of progress and that is good news.  Yay me.

I started with an iPod issue and am going to finish with one.  Here is a meme that’s been floating around for a while. Consider yourself tapped to do it if you have an mp3 player. Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. No cheating now.

1.) How does the world see you?

Love Shack by the B-52’s.

2.) Will I have a happy life?

Who Can it Be Now?  Men at Work

3.) What do my friends really think of me?

Mansions. Burlap to Cashmere

4.) What do people secretly think of me?

Mr. Wendel. Arrested Development

5.)  How can I be happy?

Hurt. Christina Aguilera

6.) Will I ever have children?

Be My Glory. FFH

7.)  What is some good advice for me?

Look at That Cadillac. The Stray Cats

8.)  How will I be remembered?

Let’s Go. The Cars

9.)  What is my signature dancing song?

Change the World. Eric Clapton

10.) What do I think my current theme song is?

Let My Love Open the Door. Pete Townsend

11.)  What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

Jesus Freak. DC Talk

12.)  What song will play at my funeral?

Rescue. Desperation Band

13.)  What is my day going to be like?

Suddenly I See. KT Tunstall

It's a Brand Spanking New year

Waking up this morning to a brand new year was made even more special with a brand new white coating on everything. The world around up had been frosted with yummy fresh snow. Not only that, but it was bright and sunny all day. I miss the sun in the winter. We can go a whole month without seeing the sun so when it makes an appearance, it's always a treat.

My original plan today was to watch DVDs and write thankyou notes. Instead, I went to a movie and took a nap on our couch. Originally I was going to see The Holiday but instead went to see The Pursuit of Happyness. While I really liked the movie, I was once again reminded why I hate going to movies in the theater. I like to see movies on my own, by myself. You see, movie viewing at the theater isn't really an interactive activity. Not that you would know that by the people in the theater today. There were two ladies who sat down right behind me and from the moment their butts touched the seats, they talked. And talked. And talked. They talked through the ads. Fine. They are just ads. They talked through the previews. Arg! Some of us like the previews and would like to be able to pay attention to the screen. Then they talked through the beginning of the movie. I had had enough. I got up and moved. I wanted to say something but didn't want to ruin the experience for those around us. I think they got the message by my leaving.

Bob ended up having to go to the store today. He was signed up by the others who didn't want to come in. Isn't that nice? Thankfully he was feeling OK today and didn't mind. I took a nap on our couch, that's how industrious I was.

I don't know about making resolutions. I'm not good at resolutions. But I will write what I would like to see for us for 2007.

1.) A plan if not actual first steps for adoption

2.) More attention to my health. I messed up in 2006. I allowed my depression and the battering I took emotionally to affect my eating habits. I need to get moving more and put back into practice the steps I learned after having my gastric bypass.

3.) More attention to my relationship with God. I really put him on the back burner this year because of my anger and frustration with him. I know he's OK with it, but I'm not. I just don't know how to reconcile. It's not like I can call him up and invite him out for coffee and listen to his side and tell him mine. But it's a process I will be working through this year.

4.) I want to be better at giving Bob what he needs from me. I love him like crazy but this year we were not really as close as we used to be. Part of it is because of his health but most of it is my fault. I wasn't interested in intimacy and that kind of put a wedge between us. I want to remedy that somehow.

5.) I want to finish school. My classes start up again in June and finish in November. I want to complete it and be done with it once and for all.

Auld Lang Syne

I woke up to the phone ringing. It was my parents calling to say goodbye. They were leaving my grandma's to head for home. I told them to drive safely since it was raining and it was supposed to sleet and snow later so I had some concerns.

I walked out into our living/diningroom area and found the cat stand fallen into our Christmas tree again. Ornaments were scattered all over. I had intended on leaving everything out and up until the morning of the first since we were hosting a small New Year's gathering and I wanted it to look festive. However, I wasn't about to put all the scattered ornaments back so I just went to our storage room to get the boxes to put everything away. It took a long time but I had Pinky to keep me company.

Once everything was put away, I went to the local grocery store to get snackies for our gathering. It was raining pretty hard and I joked with a fellow in the store that though it was nice to have a warmer winter, I missed the snow. He said he missed the light and wished there was such a thing as global lightening.

I got back to the apartment in time to say goodbye to Bob as he headed off to the store. Then I got to work cleaning our apartment. Pinky proved to be good company during all but the vacuuming. As I was cleaning, I looked out the window to see the scene pictured in the photo above. The rain had turned to snow.

Once our pad was spick and span, I set to work laying out the snack buffet for our guests. I actually worried if the roads might be too trecherous for the people coming to our place. This is a photo of the snackies all laid out for tasting.

Yum! I had corn chips with a hot queso dip, cheese, crackers, and summer sausage, cashews, veggies and dip, party mix, meatballs, truffles, Dad's banana bread, pretzels and mustard, taco chips, and regular potato chips. We also served a bunch of cold sodas and a nice white wine for later.

The first set of our friends showed up around 7. We sat around and chatted while we waited for Bob to get back from the store and for our second group of friends. While we waiting, our friends called to say they were on their way. Not 30 minutes later, they called again to say they had only gone about 4 miles and passed 3 ditched cars. They were turning around and going back home. We were all disappointed but wanted our friends' safety more than anything.

The rest of the night was spent chatting, watching football, eating snacks, and having good fellowship. One weird thing happened. As we were all sitting talking in the living room, our front door opened as though someone were going to come in. I called out, "Hello?" but the door slammed shut and we could hear someone running out the exit door next to our place and down the stairs to the garage. Bob went out in the hall to see if he could see anything incriminating. He came back and said no one was there. After that, we kept our door locked.

At midnight we toasted with some champagne, I cleaned up, and our friends left around 12:30. Bob and I were in bed by 1. Yeah, we party hard!

We are hoping 2007 is a better year than 2006 was for us. It feels better to me, but you never know. I am thankful for my friends, family, and my wonderful husband. Without them I would not have made it through this past year. I am so thankful for their support and love. They really made my year. I hope I can do the same for them this year.

Family Time at Christmas

This is a picture of me with my mom, dad, and brother. We got together with my dad's side of the family today at Grandma's place.

The day began with me picking up my mom around 9 to do some shopping. We stopped at my favorite coffee shop for fortification first and then head out.

The store Mom wanted to check out was not yet open so we ran my shopping errands first. We stopped at Walgreen's to pick up some photos I had uploaded from Snapfish. While there I also found some half price Christmas wrap and some headphones for Pinky McShinesalot. I don't like the ear buds. I think I have weird ears. The right bud always falls out. So I got some head phones that slip over my ears and they are quite comfortable. Mom got herself a radio with a strap so she can wear it while working out.

Our next stop was in Uptown. I had to stop at a store there to get a wedding present. We perused the store and chatted with the clerk there. Turns out he was familiar with our home town. He had biked through it during an AIDS ride from the Cities to Chicago an apparently the locals made quite the favorable impression on him. That's always good to hear. Mom invited him to come back for a visit during Syttende Mai. Don't know if he will take her up on that or not.

After getting the wedding gift, we stopped at the upscale paper store up the street. I found a card, gift wrap, and a nice ribbon. I asked the sales gal if they had any premade bows since I am a bow dork. She said she would wrap the gift for me at no extra charge in order to show me how to tie a nice bow. She did a fantastic job but I don't think I can duplicate her technique.

We left the paper store and went back to the store Mom was interested in. I like the store but it's filled with furniture I could never afford. I LOVE the older cabinets and mirrors but can't see paying $4,000 for any one of them. Mom just got a couple of little doo dads to give as gifts.

We left there and went to the local Christmas bookstore. Mom found some Christmas cards on sale and got a calendar. I just used the bathroom. After that, I took her back to my grandma's place and I went home to get Bob.

We had to go to my grandma's to meet the rest of my family for our family Christmas. My dad has 5 brothers and all but one was there with their families. It was a large group and we had a good time. We had a nice meal, a gift exchange, and some fun fellowship. The kids played a cup stacking game, the Deal or No Deal board game, and cards. There was also a pool table and ping pong table to enjoy. It was nice catching up with everyone. We only get together with everyone a couple of times a year, so it's nice when it happens. Plus I see my own family so rarely that it was a treat to spend time with them.

Bob had to work, so I dropped him off and went back to hang out with the family. Once the party broke up, I went home and uploaded more songs to Pinky McShinesalot. I have almost 300 tunes on her now including the ones I uploaded from my own CDs. I love her. I also have podcasts all ready to go on her as well. My brother has a 20GB iPod and I felt guilty for having iPod envy. However, no one can compare to Pinky. She has my heart right now, don't you worry.