Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Bob did very well and spoke from his heart. I think it touched a lot of people. Don did an excellent job in meshing his message with Bob's. Yet through it all I felt so guilty. Throughout Bob's message, I sat there so proud, so in love, and so very guilty. Even though Bob has suffered disappointment after disappointment, his faith in God has never wavered. His relationship with God has only improved, grown, and gotten better. My own relationship with God has suffered this past year. I ran from him. I was angry and hurt. I bottled everything up. I no longer trusted God. I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped praying. I stopped worshipping. I stopped going to church. And my relationship with Bob suffered as well. This was something I hadn't noticed until church on Sunday morning. My holding God at arms length wasn't hurting God but it sure hurt me and Bob.
Interestingly throughout my rebellion towards God I have had a strange peace deep inside me that though I had moved away from God, he had not moved away from me. In his deep and abiding love for me, he was going to patiently wait for me to come back to him. I must say I am closer than ever to the point where I am ready to trust him again. I still have pain. I still ache and hurt and wonder, but I see that just because life hurts doesn't mean God does. He doesn't inflict hurt, life does and yet he is there in the midst of it, ready to help me through it. I haven't reached out to him yet and I don't know why, but I am closer than I have been in over a year.
Bob and I have also decided to attend his brother's church through the rest of this next sermon session. After that we will decide if we will make it our permanent church home. We both think that we will, but we want to be sure.
If you would like to hear Bob and his brother, go here and you can stream the message: http://www.chapelhillchurch.com/Online%20Sermons.htm. Sorry I don't have it hyperlinked. Just copy and paste it into your browser.
I woke up yesterday feeling crappy. I have some kind of cold or something. My throat is sore and my eyes keep tearing up. I cough from my chest but not very often. I had aches and a fever. Yet I went out and finished our laundry and ran errands. When I got home, I tried to read but ended up taking a three hour nap.
I woke up this morning fully intending to go to work but just felt so weak and achy that I called in sick. I hate calling in sick. There is such a passive aggressive attitude towards people who call in sick, yet I don't think anyone would be very happy to catch this crud. Bah!
Next week is my annual mammogram and woman's physical. Whoo. I hate the annual physical stuff. The lump in my chin is much smaller than it was, but it's still there. It only aches if I push on it now so I don't push on it. (Well, not too much anyway.) I will have my doctor check it out next week. Scares me, but better safe than sorry. If it's nothing, it's nothing. If it's something, well, then better it be taken care of sooner when things are more easily removed and fought.