We Are Striding and Riding

Dear Friends and Family,

This year, Bob & I have the honor and pleasure of participating in MDA's Stride and Ride 2007 to help "Jerry's Kids®". To reach our goal of $2,500 we need your help!

We'd like to include you or your company on our list of contributors who are helping us reach our goal. Your donation would help MDA continue the important fight against muscular dystrophy. Check out our web page by clicking on the link at the end of this post. There you'll find all kinds of information about MDA, and be able to make your tax-deductible donation on-line using your credit card.

If you'd rather donate some time, please consider joining us on the Stride and Ride walk on Saturday, June 23rd at 10am at the Excell Energy Center in Downtown St. Paul. Our team is called the Mingo Movers and we would LOVE having your join our team. The whole event is over by 1pm at the very latest and will include food, prizes, entertainment, music, and lots of fun.

MDA serves people like Bob with neuromuscular disease by providing clinics, support groups, assistance with the purchase and repair of wheelchairs, braces and communication devices, and summer camp for kids. MDA also funds research grants to help find treatments and cures for the 43 neuromuscular diseases that affect people of all ages, right here in our community.

We sincerely hope that you'll take the opportunity to support us as you support our MDA. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to me or Bob.

On behalf of the families MDA serves, thank you! Please feel free to send this on to others you think may want to give a tax deductible gift to MDA or walk with our team.

Warmest Regards,

Robert and Amy Mingo

Click this link or the link to the right in my sidebar to visit our Participant Page.

If the clicking the link does not bring you to our Participant Page, cut and paste the address below into the address bar of your internet browser.

https://www.mdaevent.org/ParticipantInfo.aspx?j=32ddbaa9-00ea-4832-a8ae-081a12590a4c

Hoping, Not Hoping, Hoping Again

How do you get your co-workers to stop clipping their nails at work?  When I first started working here almost 4 years ago, I was one of many women working with one or two men.  We had a genial agreement NOT to do personal grooming at work including the clipping of nails, brushing of teeth/hair, and tweezing of hair.  (If one MUST do any of the aforementioned, they could do it in the relative privacy of the bathrooms.)  Now, however, I am one of 4 women working in a sea (about 10) men and those men clip their nails.  All. The. Time.  Arg!  And they don’t care if it bugs us.  In fact, it seems to spur them on to do it more and louder if they think it will bug us.  This is the height of rudeness, I think and it does drive me crazy.  (Not as much as seeing someone stick their finger in their bellybutton USED to ook me out, but close.)  Any suggestions on how to ask nicely for a moratorium on the clipping of nails in the cube farm?

More on insemination.  Is it wrong that I am excited to actually get my period this month?  Once it’s done, it’s only about a week to the ultrasound and then a day or two or three to insemination.  I know it’s not likely that it will work the first time out, but I can hope, can’t I?  In fact, all of this has given me a new lease on hope.  It’s been so long since I’ve allowed myself to hope and it feels good to be able to do it again.  However, given the research I’ve studies, maybe I shouldn’t be so hopeful after all since success rates for the intracervical insemination treatment are in the region of 5-10% per treatment cycle. However, I was told that women with healthy fallopian tubes and who ovulate regularly have a high chance of getting and staying pregnant.  We do not that I have healthy tubes and ovulate regularly so this is good news.  See?  I can’t help but be hopeful.

In doing further research, I found that the drug they can inject me with to speed ovulation is called hCG and the administration helps the follicles to burst and release the eggs about 36-48 hours after the hormone is given. It is usually injected when the lead follicle measures 18mm or more.  About two weeks after insemination, a pregnancy test is performed. In the happy event that this is positive, an ultrasound scan is arranged 3-4 weeks later, to check the number, site and viability of pregnancy.

Bob and I might be looking at a house this weekend.  I happened to stumble upon a modified handicapped accessible house for sale in our area for well under $200,000.  We called the realtor and he was going to call the family to see if we could set up something for this weekend.  So, we shall see.  It’s an older 2-story with 4 bedrooms that might be either charming or horrific depending upon the current residents care of the home.

So it begins

Bob and I met with Cindy, our nurse practitioner at the fertility clinic last night.  We each had to give a blood and urine sample and then we met with Cindy to talk about our options and the procedure.  We are going ahead with the insemination and are going to try not using drugs to start with.

Here’s the low down on how it will go down; I will get my period and then on day 11, I will call the clinic to schedule what they call a FUS.  This is when they use a vaginal ultrasound wand to check the condition of my follicles (ovulating egg).  I may have to go in a couple of days in a row.  Once they determine I’m at optimal ovulation, Bob will go in and give them a sample.  They will spin it down and “wash” it in a process that takes two hours.  Once it’s ready, it will be inserted into me via catheter and then we wait.

Other things that might happen, I might have to have a shot of something…I can’t remember what it’s called right now.  But it helps to get the ovulation going.  Also, if it’s determined that my uterine lining is thin or not strong enough for the embryo to implant; I will get shots of progesterone to help that along.

If all of this doesn’t work, then we move to Clomid for a little help.  We are pretty sure we would stop there, but in looking at the baby bulletin board, I see photos of singletons and twins.  There might have been one photo of triplets.  I asked Cindy if they have had a woman give birth to multiples beyond 3 and she said not yet.  That might mean women have used selective reduction (which we wouldn’t use) or they have just been lucky.  As we walked out, I pointed out to Bob that the clinic has not had a woman give birth to a litter of babies.  He said, “And I don’t want you to be the first.”  So that’s that.   

We are kind of flying blind in a way because I’ve never been pregnant before.  There are women who have no problem getting pregnant but instead have difficulty staying pregnant.  We don’t know if I can sustain a pregnancy or not.  Who knows if I would have met and married Bob at a much younger age if any of this would be an issue.  Cindy kept referring to my advanced maternal age. THAT will make you feel old before your time.  I still feel like a 19 year old kid in my heart.  Too bad my eggs, ovaries, and uterus aren’t still part of that 19 year old kid feeling.  Here’s to hoping it all works like it’s supposed to!

Not pregnant but learning about insemination

I actually thought I might be pregnant but I don’t think I am.  Every morning for 5 mornings, I took my basal temperature and each morning was higher/warmer than the morning preceding.  Until this morning.  Also, my boobs were sore and tender for a few days, but when I think back, I realized that they usually are sore and tender a few days between ovulation and menstruation.  So it doesn’t look good for pregnancy in May.  I actually really thought May would be THE month.

However, all is not lost.  Today is our first insemination consultation.  At first I thought Bob would put the kibosh on it but he forgot all about it and you can’t cancel the appointment unless you give 24 hours notice. (Well you can, but they still charge you a co-pay so you might as well just go.)  I’m not sure what today’s appointment entails, but I will be back to update here later.  The appointment is at 3:30 so I get to leave work at 3 today.

Bob seems to be doing a bit better on the children front and has not made the sweeping, “We can’t have kids until…” statements he was making last week.  They were not focusing on any specific plans. He just made these grand, sweeping statements about never having kids until…fill in the blank with your favorite sweeping statement.  I think he came to realize that if we waited for the things he was saying to come to pass, we would either NEVER have kids or we might FINALLY be ready by the time we hit our retirement years.  I’m not exactly sure what he’s going through, but I find a lot of patience and some well thought out questions go a long way to make him feel better.

I was able to get all our flowers planted over the weekend.  Now both patios have flowers.  However, the west facing patio is what I consider our “garden”.  It has the most flowers/planters and is where Bob and I tend to hang out when we want to be outside.  I planted geraniums, vincas, dianthus, phlox, alyssum, snap dragons, gerbera daisies, and morning glories.  The other patio has one railing flower box with impatiens and something else.  There is also a hanging flower pot full of small purple flowers of whose name I can’t remember.   I rolled chicken wire across the railings and now the cats have two nice places to hang out on nice summer days.  They LOVE the west balcony because of the sun.  However the north balcony has a bird feeder so they like the activity going on there.  We don’t let them out unsupervised so the bird feeding activity goes down noticeably when we are out there, which is good.  We like our fine feathered friends and don’t want our cats to harm them in any way.

This weekend I am going to wash our windows and get my bike ready to ride.  We also will be celebrating Bob’s oldest brother’s 50^th birthday.  Other than that, not much else is planned for our Memorial Day weekend.  How about you?  What plans do you have for the long holiday weekend?

3 Steps Forward, 2 Steps Back

There is a new guy starting on June 4^th.  Once he starts, our department, which used to feature more women than men, will feature 4 women in a sea of men.  We are an island unto ourselves.  It’s a new world at Big Bank Co.

Every time we make progress in baby land, something happens to scare Bob and he says, “We can’t have children until….” and then he issues some kind of ultimatum.  It’s like a punishment he metes out as he sees fit.  The only problem is that there just is no good/perfect time to have kids.  Also, we don’t even know if the insemination will work and I will be 40 this year.  I don’t have a lot of time to just wait until he deems it a “perfect” time to have kids.  I know we have to be on the same page and can’t move ahead until we are, but this is just so frustrating.  We are actually planning on seeing a marriage counselor in the next couple of weeks so I hope a neutral third party can help us work through some of this stupid communication crap.  I just feel like it’s 3 steps forward, 2 steps back with him on this issue.  If we could get pregnant the conventional way, it might be easier because it would “just happen”.  However, with the insemination, there is a lot less mystery to the whole thing and maybe that’s what freaks him out.  I don’t know.

Thank God for my girlfriends though.  They came over last night for some girly time and I tell you, nothing makes me feel better than venting to them and having them understand and sympathize.  They know me.  They know Bob.  They know our history and our “story”.  They can give me advice, tell me the truth, lay it on the line, and/or whatever else I need to hear at the time.  I love them.

I love Bob too but he is going through something I have no explanation or reference for.  He is depressed.  He is solemn.  He is working through something but he won’t share all of it with me because he’s afraid of my reaction I guess.  I don’t know.  It seems like he is saving up all the stuff he wants to talk about until we meet with the counselor, although he told me today that he wouldn’t dump all over me when we do meet him.  God I hope not.  I just don’t know how to handle this except to offer to listen and be available.  He HATES it when I cry over crap but I can’t help that.  I am just a crier, always have been.  I cry over tenderness shown in commercials for goodness sake, how am I NOT to cry over tender things in my relationship with Bob?

In other news, I was trying to stretch the amount of cat food we had until today (pay day) so I could run to the pet food warehouse and pick up some more, but we ran out yesterday morning.  Last night and this morning I had to resort to feeding our felines pink salmon from the stay fresh pouch.  THEY loved it.  I felt like the world’s worst momma for having to resort to pantry pickins’.   Thankfully, Bob said he would run out and get some regular cat food today, so that was helpful and much appreciated.

This weekend will be low-key but will feature the final patio flower planting.  It looks so good already, I can’t wait until it’s all done. Unfortunately, the whole weekend is supposed to feature rain and thunderstorms. The rain is good for the flowers, but a little warmth and sun is nice in order to bask in the beauty of our patio garden.

Just Say No to Injectibles

So after a weekend of doing a whole lot of nothing, I am doing better.  I turned the corner yesterday as far as breathing goes.  I don’t feel like I am struggling to breathe and every deep breath and yawn “catches” now so, Yay!  I did manage to get laundry done and I bought and planted flowers on our patio (photos forthcoming).

Yesterday I walked to work AND walked to lunch.  I have a nice big blister on my left foot now to show for it, yet it was a lovely day and I had a great time.  I took my camera and took pictures along the way.  I will post those as well.  You tend to notice a lot more as you walk than you would were you to drive.  At least I do.  I listen to my favorite morning radio show along the way but am working my way up to not having any outside distractions as I walk.  The birds were singing away and I was trying my hardest to recognize and name them by their calls.  So far I can only name the robin and the cardinal.

I had my post operative appointment with my RE today.  She gave me a clean bill of health and the OK to go down the insemination road.  We are going to start insemination without drugs first.  We have our first insemination consult a week from tomorrow.  Both Bob and I have to attend as we both have to give blood.  Plus it’s good for both of us to be on the same page and be aware of all that is entailed as we go.  If insemination without drugs does not work then we will move to insemination using Clomid.  Bob and I are concerned about conceiving multiples.  We have neither the time, energy, strength, nor resources to parent multiples and do not think it responsible to go down a road that will likely lead to them.  A normal woman’s chance of conceiving more than one child is 4% at any given time.  Using Clomid, her chances double to 8% and if results in multiples will most likely result in twins.  Bob and I talked about it and we feel that twins would be fine with us.  More than that, though…nuh uh. If we don’t get pregnant after that, we are done and will try to find another way to build our family.  My RE said the next step after Clomid is injectibles and the likelihood of conceiving multiples on injectibles increases to 15+%.  So, no injectibles for us.

My patio garden is shaping up to be beautiful.  So far I’ve planted geraniums, pansies, snapdragons, phlox, and gerbera daisies in patio pots.  Bob had me plant three pots of morning glories as they are his favorite flower.  We planted one called Heavenly Blue, we have two red kinds, and we planted a white called the moonflower which is supposed to flower at night.  I still have to buy liners for my railing boxes.  Once that’s done, I will plant petunias, vincas, allysum, and dianthus in them.  Finally, I am going to plant impatiens and begonias on my other, shady balcony.  Then we will be done and able to enjoy the beauty of flowers all summer long.  It’s really fun to be able to do this.  I’ve never been able to garden before and find it enjoyable and a nice way to pass the time.

I am ashamed to admit this but I have really let myself go.  I have not been following the guidelines set forth to me by my bariatric clinic and am far fatter than I would like.  I need to get back on the program not just for me, but for the baby I hope to conceive.  I am back on the plan.  No more soda!  More protein and roughage than anything.  Little to no white sugar and white flower.  More walking and bike riding (thankfully higher gas prices also help me with this one).  No more wine with dinner. I feel fine; I just don’t like how I look or my diminished energy level.  I also hate my eating habits these days.  I allowed myself to self medicate with food last year during my depression and I am done with that.  No. More.

Room 35

I left work at 3pm yesterday and spent the next 7 hours in the emergency room.

I have been having problems breathing. Well, not breathing exactly. I am breathing fine but every now and then my body seems to want to breathe or yawn really deeply and for some reason, those deep breaths/yawns don't "catch". Then yesterday I had a lot of pain around the right side of my body around my ribs. I called the nurse line at my RE's office and she suggested going to either my GP's office or the ER as their office was closed for the day. So I called my GP's office but they didn't have any openings until the next day. I was tired of the pain and of struggling for these deep breaths.

So I got home and got Bob and off to the ER we went. It was a beautiful day with highs around 87 and yet for some reason the ER was bustling and extremely busy. I guess I thought the nicer weather would mean a slow ER day but I was wrong. So we sat down knowing we would be in for a wait. And waited we did. We got to the ER around 4 and weren't brought back to a room until 6:30. I guess that's not a huge wait for the ER, but it seemed like a long time.

Once we got back to my room (Number 35!) I was asked to don a gown and hop into bed. Then they did an EKG, took about a dozen vials of blood, a urine sample, and then wheeled me down for a chest X-ray. In between tests and exams, we were able to watch TV. Each room is fitted with a flat screen TV with cable. Your medical dollars at work. I still missed the very end of each show I started watching. Wheel of Fortune? Missed the end. Ugly Betty? Missed the end. The Office? Missed the beginning but actually caught the very end. Grey's Anatomy? Missed the beginning and the very end! The Traveler? Missed the middle and the end. Thursday night might still be Must See TV but it would be nice to at least see an entire program.

After all was said and done, what's the diagnosis? Who knows! Brilliant medical minds at work for you. I told Bob before we even left the apartment that my biggest fear about going to the ER would be to go and spend all the time I knew we would have to spend there only to be told they don't know what is wrong. Which is exactly what happened. They DO know that my heart is A-OK. My lungs seem fine and plucky. There are no blood clots, my white blood cell count is perfect, my blood pressure and blood oxygen levels are top of the class. My body's health could be valedictorian of the ER if measured solely by charts, levels, and numbers. So they sent me home with an RX for a pain reliever and directions to rest and take it easy for the next 3 or 4 days and see if it doesn't just get better on its own. Great. I just paid umpteen frillion ER dollars to be told to do something I could of and would have probably done on my own if I hadn't feared I was dealing with pneumonia or some other post surgery complication. (Well, I actually haven't paid the umpteen frillion dollars yet but I am sure to get the bill in the near future where I am sure I will be charged $100.00 for each little sticky EKG tab they had to stick on me.)

As soon as the doctor left the room (35!) I burst into tears. Bob told me that he would rather have spent 7 hours in the ER and be told I am fine than to be at home watching me struggle with pain and deep breathing and thinking the worst. Well, yeah, OK. Still, I wish they could have said, "It's this new plaguey thing that's going around. Good job catching it early and coming in before your right arm fell off!"

So I am home today, taking another PTO day because I am fine but not fine. At least when I woke up this morning there wasn't a guy on my living room sofa sleeping off last night's bender. Thank God for small favors.

Naked But Not Alone

I walked out of my bedroom this morning completely naked as is my pre-shower habit only to find a man sleeping on my living room sofa.  After walking past our sofa to get into the kitchen to make coffee and feed the cats, I realized that rhythmic snoring sound WAS ACTUALLY snoring and not some weird outdoor or cat noise.  I made haste back to the bedroom in order to get a robe and to try and wake up Bob to see what in the heck was going on.  Unfortunately, Bob was NOT in the mood to wake up so I gathered my clothes for the day and showered and dressed as quickly as possible lest our snoring guest wake.

Backing up a bit, Bob ended up going to the wake/viewing by himself last night since I was exhausted when I got home and not in a making small talk with strangers mood.  Thankfully he was OK going by himself and I was OK with staying home and going to bed early.  Before I hit the hay, Bob was home just to say he was meeting some folks at the neighborhood watering hole and would be home late.  I am assuming the guy on the sofa was one of the folks from the watering hole who perchance drank too much and could not get home safely.  While I am thankful that Bob was considerate enough to provide a safe place for this guy to crash, I am NOT happy about finding him asleep on our couch while dressed only in my birthday suit.  A note on my dresser/clock/bed would have been nice.  Sheesh!

Feeling Fine

It is sunny and gorgeous here today.  It is supposed to reach 80 degrees today and maybe 85 tomorrow.  We had a huge thunderstorm last night that was cool with lots of rain, but by this morning, it had all cleared. I love going to bed while a thunderstorm rages.  If it’s not dangerous, the thunder and lightning actually soothe me to sleep.  I

Bob and I are going to a wake/viewing tonight.  The patriarch of the family that owns the gas station on the corner died last week. He had been very ill but seemed to be on the mend and was actually getting ready to leave for work when he died.  The family seems shell-shocked.  His viewing is tonight and the funeral tomorrow morning.  Bob might go to the funeral but I am not since it’s being held while I’m at work.  Bob found out over the weekend that he might even be distantly related to this family.  They didn’t think the news was as great as Bob thought when he first found out, but then again, they are dealing with the death of their patriarch.

Speaking of gas stations, gas was up to $3.09 yesterday.  It’s back down to $2.99 today which probably pisses off everyone who had to stop for gas last night.  However, it has gotten me to think we might do better to fly to Seattle this September for my cousin’s wedding.  I snooped about online this afternoon and saw that we can book a roundtrip, non-stop flight from here for under $300 each.  Or we can include one layover in Dallas for about $250.  I don’t like layovers when traveling with Bob though so it’s probably worth it to go straight through for the extra $25 each.  We would fly out on Tuesday after Labor Day, rent a car and drive to the coast for a couple of days, come back and see Seattle and then leave Monday after the wedding.  The largest cost will most likely be renting a handicapped accessible vehicle.  I wrote a bunch of places in Seattle that rent accessible vans to get prices but we would be lucky to get one for around $500 for the week.  I wish there was a way we could swap cars with another family while we were there, but the logistics of that would have to fall into place miraculously. We could bring the manual chair, which is what we did when we traveled to Florida, but it’s really hard on Bob to rely on that and me for transportation.  We had been excited about traveling west by car and seeing stuff along the way, but my vacation time was shortened by my surgery recouping and Bob was more excited about seeing the Pacific Coast than by anything else we might see along the way.

I think I am going to get all my flowers for planting this weekend. It is the official planting time for our zone and I can’t wait.  This is going to be a nice weather weekend and the flowers at the garden center have been calling my name.  Bob got me a hanging pot of pretty purple flowers that is good for shade.  I want to get one more and then hang them from our living room balcony.  We have a lot of birds eating from a feeder on that side, but no other real natural beauty. Not that buntings, sparrows, and finches aren’t beautiful, but they don’t really stay and hang out.  They eat and run and are gone in a flash.

I feel so much better today.  My right shoulder finally stopped hurting.  I ended up calling the nurse line yesterday and was told it is normal and to keep on the pain with pain reliever.  I took 4 ibuprofen before lunch and that’s all for today.  So far, so good.  My belly button is kind of achy but not unbearably so.  The thing that is driving me most bonkers is the popping in my ears and my drippy, drippy nose.  I’m thinking I have been bit by the allergy bug.  I have not other cold symptoms except for the popping and dripping so I might try some OTC allergy meds to see if that helps at all.  The only downside there is I would then have to forgo my evening glass of wine.  Still, some things are worth pursuing even at the cost of a good glass of Riesling.

More Myself

I feel more myself than I have felt in 4 days. I still have a little bit of pain in my right shoulder but my friend Ibuprofen has been by my side helping me out significantly.

I stayed home from work today because I felt as if I needed one more day to recoup. I am glad I did. I slept until almost 11 and it felt so good. I slept so well that I woke up in the exact same position I fell asleep in. It was the first really good night's sleep I've had since the surgery. I am a stomach sleeper and since I have sutures in my stomach, it's not so easy to sleep in that position.

We got some rain today but in between showers I was able to get outside for the first time in a couple of days. I wanted to take photos of the lilacs in bloom before all the flowers went away for another season. The smell was intoxicating. I wish we had a lilac bush in our apartment courtyard because the fragrance is so amazing. Thankfully, there are lots and lots of lilacs blooming near the roadways of our town so I was able to capture the colors and flowers on film. Too bad we don't have an invention that captures smells for later inhaling. Anyhoodle, check my Flickr badge for the most recent photos.

Not much else is new. I have my 2 week post-op appointment with my RE on the 15th. Bob is excited because he really feels like we will get pregnant THIS year. I feel it too. The other night, though, he said he feels like he will only be half a dad. I reminded him that he will NOT be half a dad. He is going to be completely present and totally involved and that is 100% dad. He will be amazing.

I start school a month from today. I get my financial aid award letter sometime this week and should be all set to attend my last 5 classes. I am looking forward to getting that all done, finally.

I think 2007 is the year of completion. Completion of school. Completion of a new business. Completion of the start of a family.

Healing

I am slowly but surely getting better but slower than I thought. My right shoulder continues to throb and hurt more so than my abdomen. It hurt to such a degree last night that I found it hard to breathe. I took my pain reliever and then felt ill so I just went to bed. I slept a long time and then got up and had to take more pain reliever.

I've spent most of today in front of my computer. I've been taking pictures of the birds at our feeder too. So far today we've had a red winged black bird, purple finches, goldfinches, and some annoying black grackles. We've also had 2 friendly squirrels hanging around and a couple of morning doves. Our bird feeder is a very busy place.

I am thinking of taking one more day off to recoup. I am surprised it is taking as long as it is taking for me to feel up and at'em. One more day should do the trick and then I can slowly start getting back into the swing of things again. I am glad I didn't push it and go to the Festival of Nations or Farmer's Market this weekend. That would have been too much too soon for sure.

Surgery Update

The procedure went fine. The RE made an incision in my belly button and was able to get her instruments and scope inside to check out my uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. She found a little bit of endometriosis and adhesions down behind my uterus and around my ovary. She also found scar tissue by my colon. She cut that all out. She did a dye test on both fallopian tubes and both flowed just fine. She also cut away the tissue that was blocking my ovary and could have been preventing eggs from finding their way to the fallopian tube. She also found a staple down in my pelvis which could have been from one of my previous surgeries...most likely my gallbladder surgery. She removed it of course.

Overall my tubes and ovaries look good and my RE was able to remove all the endometriosis I did have. She also looked inside at my intestines, bowel, and bladder and everything looked as it should. I am to make a follow-up appointment for two weeks from now in order to talk over what happens next.

I am doing OK today. My neck and shoulders hurt worse yesterday than my actual incision site. I was told that is a normal consequence of the gas they use to inflate my belly for the surgery. However, today my belly is so sore and is doing a good job competing with the pain in my shoulders. Thankfully I was given an RX for Percoset for the pain and that seems to do the trick. I do find that I tire a lot faster than I thought or expected I would. When I'm sitting or resting, I feel pretty good so then I get up and start to do stuff and find that I'm not as "fine" as I thought, so more rest is in order obviously. I plan on getting rest the rest of this weekend. Thankfully the weather is going to cooperate since it's been cloudy, rainy, and somewhat dreary here. Good indoor weather to be sure.

I did get out this afternoon for just about a half an hour and thought I was going to drop, so I was happy to get home and just sit and rest. I wish I had thought to get to the library and stock up on good books because there is NOTHING on TV.

Everything Happens for a Reason

We had our first real spring storm Sunday night.  It was awesome (check out my photos of the hail/rain by clicking on my Flickr badge).  It wasn’t a dangerous storm but there was hail, thunder, and lightning.  It’s funny to watch the cats’ reactions to the storm. Daisy hides until she is sure the thunder has passed.  She usually comes out about a half hour after the storms have passed.  Maisey runs to the window and watches the goings ons.  Chloe wants to be brave but if it gets really loud with the thunder, she gets nervous. She doesn’t want to hide but will come by either me or Bob and will whine her whiney meow until we comfort her.  Zoe is kind of between Maisey and Chloe.  She wants to be brave but is also still very kittenish in her fear of the new. 

Does everything happen for a reason?  Today I had a dentist appointment at 7am.  (I like to get it out of the way instead of worrying about it all day long.)  When I walked back to the room, the dental assistant asked my how me week was going.  I said, “Well, I am getting two fillings here today and having surgery tomorrow…I guess it’s going as well as can be expected.”  The dental assistant (Katy) asked about the surgery and since my dentist had not yet arrived, I told her what I was having done and why.  Then she told me her story.  Turns out she had the same procedure some years ago and they couldn’t take it all out because the endometriosis was wrapped around the back of her uterus and her rectum.  They made her go through 6 months of forced menopause in an effort to get rid of the endo tissue.  I must have balked at that because then Katy said in hind sight she is glad because she felt so much better afterward and ended up getting pregnant with her daughter.  Yay!  Then my dentist walked in.

I have to say that I really like my dentist.  I told him I wish he didn’t have to render my mouth immobile because I always have questions I want to ask about his family.  He and his wife have 8 children.  The two oldest are in college and the youngest is 1 or 2.  Today I managed to ask if any are multiples and he said no but that his mom had triplets and his wife’s mom had twins so it’s surprising that all 8 of their kids are singletons.  Then Katy said that there is a woman in her church that, at 55, had her very first pregnancy and delivered healthy natural twins.   I was incredulous and didn’t believe her at first but she insisted it’s true.  The woman and her husband were told they would never have children.  This woman thought she was suffering from a lingering flu and finally went to the doctor where she was then tested for pregnancy and found to be quite a ways along.  She is now 57 and her twins are healthy, active 2-year olds.  Crazy, huh?  She ended her story by saying, “It just goes to show that God’s timing is different from ours.” No truer words were ever spoken, however I hope I am younger than 55 when I have my first pregnancy.

Oh, speaking of multiples, I was watching the news last week and there is a couple here in the Twin Cities experiencing their first pregnancy and they are expecting sextuplets.  I can’t remember how far along they are, but when they interviewed the woman, she was noticeably pregnant.  They said infertility runs in her family so they were expecting to have to use medical technology to get pregnant.  Turns out she took some FSH drug and out of the 10 eggs that were released, 6 were fertilized and implanted. Gah!  That is my biggest fear about using medical technology to get pregnant.  We want a baby.  We do not want 6 at once.  This is where we really struggle with how far to take the medical intervention.

Anyhoodle, last night I was a cleaning machine.  I brought pizza home for dinner and then proceeded to clean cat boxes, bathrooms, and our kitchen.  I took out the garbage and vacuumed the carpets.  I do this before every surgical procedure no matter how minor. I guess because I’m afraid of either being laid up at home feeling crappy and being driven crazy by filth or not coming home at all and wanting it nice for Bob.  Tonight I am going to change the sheets and fold the laundry that Bob is doing today and then I will feel everything is set right.  Tomorrow I work from 8-12 and then have to be at the hospital by 1 and will be in the operation room by 2.  Pending any complications, I should be home by 5 or 5:30.  Don’t know what to expect at all.  Katy the dental assistant said she was up and around the evening after hers.  When I had my gallbladder out, I felt great the day off and the next day but felt like crap the following 2 or 3 days.  I will admit to being nervous.  I have a high pain tolerance so am not nervous about that, but I am hard to wake up after having anesthesia so that’s kind of iffy.  I am also wary of what they will find.  On one hand, what if they find nothing.  That means all this pain during my periods is not related to endometriosis at all.  On the other hand, what if they find…something.  At least I know if they find something, they will also be removing it at the same time.   So tomorrow at this time I will be nervously watching the clock, waiting for one o’clock to approach.

To take my mind off of the impending surgery, please leave a story in my comments.  Tell me a story about either why you do or don’t like to go to the dentist.  I will say that it’s not on my list of top things to do, but I really like my dentist so I don’t mind it either.

Pro

This is my first real check for my photography. I got it for a photo I took of my hometown. It is for a publication from the New Jersey Transit System in regards to the facade on the buildings in my former hometown. It's not a lot of money but it's the most I've ever been paid for any of my photos. I am putting it in an account and using it as seed money to start my new photography business.

I took photos at my church's womens conference this weekend. I think they turned out pretty good. However, I accidentally deleted all the photos I took Saturday morning. Not having another memory card, I had to take more photos over what I had already taken. I tried to recover the lost shots, but had already taken pictures that covered the ones that were lost. At least I learned what not to do when playing with my semi-new camera.

The women's conference was OK. I did get some good prayer and made some good re-connections with women I admire. I feel like I am doing what I am supposed to do when I take pictures and that feels good.

Spring has really sprung here. Flowers are blooming, trees are leafing, and I am itchy to plant. I stopped at my favorite gardening center and they told me to wait two more weeks. It's hard, but I will wait. It's hard though as it was over 80 today and gorgeous. The people that live above us had their air conditioner running all day. I'm not sure why. We just opened both sliders and got a delicious cross breeze, no air conditioning needed.

I met a new neighbor this afternoon. I went outside to take pictures of the flowers on our property and met Marie and her 2-year old daughter Kaley. Marie asked me if it's normal to see naked women in our building. I said I did not think so. She said her live-in boyfriend saw a topless woman in the courtyard during the work day this past week and she saw a woman in a see-through bra in the laundry room last weekend. I told her that we have lived here almost 5 years and that's never happened to us, so she might want to report it to the management...and the police if it happens again. I told Bob about it and he keeps asking me to tell him if I see boobage. Men!

This coming weekend will be spent recovering from surgery. I got my period today, a day early, which is good news as far as my surgery is concerned. I was afraid it would be late and the surgery would have to be postponed, but thankfully, that is not the case.

Wednesday morning will be spent at the dentist getting some replacement fillings in my top front teeth. Wheee. This is just shaping up to be the best week ever what with dental visits and surgery. Yay! At least the weather will be nice.

Grief and Loss and Resources

It’s been an interesting 24 hours.  I’ve been asking people, for over a year, if they had any resources for Christian women struggling with infertility and the grief it brings.  My requests have seemingly fallen on deaf ears.  Either that or they just didn’t know of any to point me towards.  However, last night we were at our last financial peace class which meets at our church.  I happened to pick up a local Christian newspaper and one of the lead stories was about a conference being held this Saturday and Sunday on dealing with grief in the loss of pregnancy, children, or infertility.  There is a whole local organization that has been around for at least 5 years.  The name of the organization is Missing Grace.  There website is here: www.missinggrace.org.  Their story is here:  www.missinggrace.com.  Had I known about the conference before last night, I would have been first in line to register and attend.  However, it is meeting at the exact time the woman’s conference I signed up for last month is meeting.  I’ve been asked to be an official even photographer for the woman’s conference and I agreed, so I don’t feel I can back out of that commitment.  However, you can bet I will be attending this event next year.

Anyway, by perusing their website, I’ve come across other resources.  Imagine that!  On the web!  There are links to other resources! I haven’t had time for a thorough look-through at the all, but I have bookmarked them for future reference. For instance, there is a national Infertility Association.  Did you know that?  They are called Resolve.  Their website is here: www.resolve.org.  They have a lot of information on their webpage but if you want to join them, there is a $55.00 registration fee.  As far as I can tell, though, the web resources are free. 

There is also a Christian specific group called Hannah’s Prayer.  Their website is here:  www.hannah.org. They have a forum/message board, which I’ve joined.  Through them, I also found Stepping Stones which is a ministry of Bethany Christian Services.  Their website is: www.bethany.org and then click the Infertility Ministry link.  Another resource I found is called Fertility Journey.  Their website is:  www.fertilityjourney.com.  I haven’t looked over that website in depth, but they do claim to have a Fertility Support Center. The final resource I found through Hannah’s Prayer is INCIID.  The International Council on Infertility Information Dissemination (INCIID – pronounced "inside") is a nonprofit organization that helps individuals and couples explore their family-building options.  I haven’t had time to look over that website yet either, but it looks like it has a lot of professional resources to offer.

I just put this out there in case anyone else may be struggling with infertility and grief and loss as I have been lately.  You are not alone and there is help and support available. I hope you found me and are able to find the help and support you are looking for as your travel this quiet, lonely road.  Please email me if you want someone with whom to correspond.  My email is amiebea@msn.com.

So in less than 24 hours I have managed to find online resources, forums, message boards, AND a local support group.  All I had to do was keep asking and looking.  Please pass this journal entry or these links along to others you may know struggling with grief and loss as it relates to infertility.  If you know of other struggling with grief and loss of a pregnancy or child, many of these links are also good resources for that as well.  If you have other links or other resources, please email them to me and I will post them here as well.  Eventually, I will get them linked to my sidebar for easier access.  Thanks!

Holy High Gas Prices Batman!

I left our building over the lunch hour and saw that gas is now $2.95!  How?  When?  What?  Gah!

So I had my pre-op appointment over my lunch hour.  I am not pregnant so it’s all systems go for the laposcopy a week from today.  My RE told me that if there is scaring, she will cut it and if there is endometriosis, she will burn it out.  She will also check my tubes and make sure all looks good from there.  She said she would tell my husband the results of the surgery so I’m to rely on him for info.  I am going to make him take a note pad so he doesn’t forget anything. 

In looking over my chart, she noted that everything looks fine and she can’t see any real reason why we haven’t conceived.  She said she will see me 2 weeks after the surgery to make sure everything is A-OK and then talk about how we want to proceed.  I told her that I know right now we do not want to do IVF but would be interested in insemination.  So, once the surgery is done and I’ve gone two weeks, we can discuss our next steps and how to proceed.

I feel better after meeting with her.  It’s hard to be in her office though.  The whole place is papered in baby pictures.  Most of the women there are either pregnant right now or have children with them as they wait to see the doctor.  Today a woman had 3 children and as she got up to leave, her middle child refused to leave with her.  She told him she would just leave him there then as she was sure someone there would want him to come home with them.  The nurse laughed and I said he could come back to work with me, but by then, he was OK to leave with her.

When I was called back, I had to give a urine sample (not pregnant), got weighed, got a finger prick to check my hemoglobin, had my temp taken (99!  Very high for me who usually runs 97.8), and my blood pressure taken (I don’t remember the numbers but they were very good.).  Then I went into a room to wait for the doctor.  She came in, went over my chart, explained the procedure, and answered my questions.  (She is going to go in through my belly button, pump gas into my belly, and then check everything out.) After that, she checked my heart and lungs and then had me lie down so she could check my belly. She showed me where my new little scars would be and how to care for the steri-strips afterwards.  I am to take it easy for 2 to 3 days and wear loose filling pants.  She is going to prescribe Percoset for pain and I am to let her know if I experience and excess bleeding, pain, or nausea.  The risks are minimal but the knowledge gained from this should be immeasurable.

In other news, I am back in class 6 weeks from tonight.  I have my financial aid already applied for and should receive my award letter next week.  I have the book I need for my first class and they ordered the book I need for the second. After that second class, a new semester and the road to my final three classes begins.  I again have access to my college email and student web page.  It’s all coming back to me now.  As stressed out as I was last year and as much as I thought I may never return to school again, I realize now, how much I missed it all and can’t wait to get back in there. (Remind me of that when I’m taking my 4^th class and am under the weight of the pile and can’t see the light at the end of the very short tunnel.)

This weekend is supposed to be 80 degrees and sunny.  How am I not supposed to plant stuff with weather like that? Monday could be close to 90.  All the little seeds we planted to flower inside are springing up into lovely little green sprouts.  We had to move the pots to the bedroom though as the kittens thought we were growing veggies for them to eat.  The first day the spouts appeared, all the green heads were nipped off by Chloe.  After that, the plants were moved and more have sprouted.  I just can’t wait.

Another Step Forward

Guess what I did last night?  I registered for my last 5 classes at the college I was attending last year.  I have 5 classes standing between me and a BS degree in communications.  Just 5 classes.  I start in June and end in November and graduate the week after I turn 40.  My original goal had been to get my Bachelors degree before I turned 40.  I guess technically, I will have finished, but I won’t have the actual degree in hand until one week and one day after my 40^th birthday.  Classes begin in just a little over a month. I am ready.

I forgot to mention in my previous entry that over the weekend, spring has really sprung.  The trees have really begun to leaf out and the flowering trees are full of blossoms.  I can’t wait until the lilacs and tulips bloom.  I am also still so anxious about being able to plant.  Bob has the red, white, and blue morning glories so I am trying to come up with some good blending colors to plant in the patio pots.  The railing planters will have ivy or spreading little flowers that hang.  Can’t. Wait.

I also forgot to mention that a stranger called me beautiful on Saturday night.  While at the Black and Blue Ball, I was up near the stage taking pictures.  There were 4 or 5 others there as well.  Strangely, we all had black shirts and blue jeans on though I was the only woman. At one point, the video crew that was there filmed the 5 or 6 of us up there.  One of the other photographers pointed them out to me and we kind of laughed.  Then he said it was because of me and I laughed it off.  Then he said, “No really.  You’re beautiful.”  And then he went off to get a shot from another angle.  Interestingly, I laughed it off no longer…I believed him.  When I told Bob about it later, he pretended to be all jealous but then he said, “Well duh.  He said it because you are.”  Bob thinks so, but I rarely do.  Still, it was nice to hear.

I have my pre-op doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon.  I am kind of hoping I am pregnant so I don’t have to go through with it.  But I doubt I am, so go through with it, I will.  Still, it’s all part of doing what needs to be done in order to have a baby.  The surgery is scheduled for a week from tomorrow.  Sheesh that seems soon.

I joined the forum at Mamapop today.  One of my favorite things to do is check out other members’ profiles and see where they are from.  As I was perusing, I began to think about all the people I know around the United States.  I used to live in New Jersey, Maryland, South Dakota, and Wisconsin.  I have friends in all those states as well as Texas, California, Iowa, Washington, Kansas, Pennsylvania, and Florida.  We don’t usually talk about our web surfing habits, but part of me wonders if any of the people who comment on sites I read or forums I’ve joined are actually people I know in real life.  Have you ever come across real life acquaintances in your web surfing/commenting?

I Still Need Coconut Husk Planter Inserts

The weekend was lovely! 

Friday night I went to Wal-Mart and ended up getting the weirdest assortment of stuff ever to be assembled in one cart.  I got hot dog buns, toilet cleaner, a black t-shirt, kitty litter, fish food, a shower curtain liner, light bulbs, 3 plastic divided plates, 5 plastic planters, hair color, shampoo, and I still couldn’t find the coconut husk planter fillers I was looking for.  Arg.  Anyway, the weather was amazing.  It was the perfect weather to roll down all the windows and blast the cheesy 80s music.  Someone next to me agreed because while I was blasting Walk Like an Egyptian, the guy in the car next to me was blasting Pour Some Sugar on Me.  We are dorks.

I stayed up LATE Friday night.  Bob got home from hanging with the guys a little after midnight.  When he came in, I was completely sucked in to a Discovery Channel show about the man who lived with wolves.  Bob rolled in and got sucked in as well.  It seems this guy was working with wolves somehow when a mother wolf rejected her three pups.  So he took it upon himself to teach these little baby wolves how to grow up to be actual, real wolves.  There is nothing cuter than a teeny tiny wolf pup howling with all its little teeny tiny mite.  This guy was amazing in his ability to “talk” with the wolves.  They considered him their Alpha and it wasn’t really challenged at all until he had to go away for 2 weeks.  When he came back, one of the now full grown wolves had assumed Alpha status so this guy had to some in and be all submissive and stuff.  They could have killed him and yet never did. It probably helps that he raised them from newborns.  Still, it was a fascinating show.

I woke up earlier than I wanted on Saturday.  Still, I made it a productive morning by getting my hair cut, making a run to Goodwill, and filling my tank with gas.  When I got home, I threw open all the windows and sliders to let in the sweet summer warmth we were experiencing.  The cats were in heaven!  When Bob got up, I went out onto the patio and organized it for spring planting season.  I also put up a small amount of fencing on the bottom of our balcony railing to better keep the cats contained.  I ran out after one section but have not been able to find the same stuff for the rest of the railing, so I’m not sure what will to do about the rest.

The rest of Saturday afternoon was spent getting ready for our favorite MDA fundraising event, the Black and Blue Ball.  We left our place at 6 and had plans to meet friends at the check in desk by 6:30.  Except we were late because I passed our exit and then couldn’t find parking right away.  Still, when we got there, our friends were no where to be found.  We meandered and mingled a bit.  I took pictures, got a temporary tattoo, and a martini.  About the time we thought to use our cell phone to call our friends, they called us.  They said they were at the place where we said to meet but they couldn’t find us.  Since we were standing right there, I asked them if they were at the lobby of the River Centre.  Ohhhhh, no.  They were in the lobby of River Place.  We were in St. Paul and they were in Minneapolis.  D’oh!  They said they would hightail it and meet us as soon as possible.  They made it JUST in time for dinner.

The Black and Blue Ball was so much fun.  There was a really eclectic group of people in attendance.  At one table there was a bunch of Hell’s Angels, another table featured executives from a local broadcasting giant, another had a Harley Davidson motorcycle club, another had execs from a local waste management company, and yet another held family and friends of those afflicted with MD.  There was a free martini bar, free temporary tattoos, a silent auction, mingling with roller derby girls, and lots of Harley Davidsons.  Dinner consisted of chicken, new potatoes, and green beans.  Dessert was yummy cheesecake.  The live auction featured a Harley, a puppy, a trip, and a giant playhouse among other things.  The evening ended with the awesome music stylings of GB Leighton.  SO! MUCH! FUN!  Bob kept worrying about the Hell’s Angels being there.  He kept saying it would just take one wrong look from someone to start a brawl and he hoped that didn’t happen.  It didn’t.  Sometimes you can take the boy out of the Northside but you can’t take the Northside out of the boy.

I will say that apparently I have aged overnight.  Bob and I danced for several songs and I felt great.  Yet, when I got up the next morning, I was so sore, I could barely move.  My calves, my back, my neck, and my feet felt as though they’d been rolled under a steamroller.  I also had a giant blister on the pad of my left foot (Which is still there and is still painful).  When did I become such a crone?  Since when can I not spend a night dancing and wake up free of pain?  Anyway, it was fun and I really recommend this fundraiser to anyone looking for a good cause and a good time.  Check out my Flickr badge for photos from the event.  As I drove home from the ball, AC/DC’s Dirty Deeds was playing on the radio and it seemed like the most appropriate song after partying with the Harleys and Hell’s Angels.  Heh.

Yesterday started out so beautiful.  I drove to a local greenhouse to see if they had anything I could use in my patio planters.  They did, but I’m not sure it is what I am looking for.  However, the flowers at the greenhouse were so beautiful and the sun so bright and the weather so warm, it took all my strength and will power NOT to buy flowers and go home and plant them.  I cannot wait until Mother’s Day weekend so I can finally beautify our patio with flowers.  Yay!

While yesterday started out beautiful, it did not end on such a high note.  At about two, the wind picked up to such a startling level, our cats freaked out.  Two of them hid, while the other two walked around with that startled puffy tail cats get when they are scared.  I had to close all the windows and sliders because the wind was so strong; it was blowing things around our apartment.  Then the rain started.  It rained pretty much the rest of the day.  The combination of wind and rain took out our satellite signal, but since I had stuff on tape, I was not too upset.  It also gave me time to upload all my photos from the night before without distraction.

Overall, it was a fantastic weekend full of fun, friends, fundraising, and flora. 

Trying to Appear Busy

It is a gorgeous day here in the Twin Cities.  My co-worker and I are struggling with spring-itis and trying not to bolt from our chairs and play hooky for the rest of the day.  It’s supposed to be 80 tomorrow and next Saturday is opening day at the St. Paul Farmer’s Market.  Yay!  Spring is finally making an appearance.  I even noticed buds on the trees in our courtyard. 

Man, speaking of spring, I have the gardening bug so bad right now.  I want to get in and get dirty.  I want to dig my hands deep in the dirt and plant stuff.  Unfortunately, we are in gardening zone extreme north and it is not recommended we plant anything until after mother’s day.  When the weather is nice like it has been, it’s hard to remember that we have gotten snow and frost into May before.  Two years ago I did the March of Dimes walk on May 1^st and it snowed.  Last year it rained and turned to sleety/snow.  Maybe if I wait until after the first weekend of May I will be good to go.  So far we have morning glory seeds, sunflower seeds, and another flower I can’t remember all started in pots.  We are anxiously waiting their sprouting so we can transplant them into their permanent patio pots which will sit in our sunny west window until danger of frost is passed.

Someone suggested I buy the Ovusoft ovulation tracking software offered by the author of Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  I checked it out and liked it.  I went ahead and bought it and so far, so good.  I like it A LOT better than using the paper charts.  Every morning I take my temp and then put the thermometer next to my alarm clock.  When I actually get out of bed, I take the thermometer with me to the office and log my morning temp onto my chart.  It’s handy and easier to read and really appeals to my anal, organized side.  Plus, I can keep track of it all on my computer and then print out any charts as I need to.  If my RE needs to see evidence of infertility or other issues, I just print the month (s) requested and bring it in.  Easy peasy.  Thanks to the one of you that suggested I try Ovusoft. So far, I love it.

The kittens are finally getting over their colds and now Daisy has it.  This thing has made the rounds through all 4 cats now.  Zoe is still a little stuffy.  Poor thing. It sounds like she is trying to breathe through rubble.  It sounds ten times worse when she’s been running around or is purring.  I am tempted to lock her in the bathroom with a hot shower running in hopes the steam will break up her congestion.  Or maybe some Vicks vaporub?  Just kidding about the Vicks.  I am hesitant to do the shower thing unless Zoe is supervised though.  She is our dim kitty and I don’t want her getting burned because she though it was safe to jump in the shower while the hot water was running.

I am feeling better about my relationship with Bob.  When I wrote the ranty secret post last week, I was really emotional and tired and just frustrated.  Most of the stuff I wrote was selfish and due to some inner frustration.  I am feeling much better now though.  I had quite a few people ask for the invite to read the post, but very few had any words of wisdom for me.  Those that did, thanks!  I appreciate your candor and input and am really honored that you would take the time to pass along some wisdom and girl talk.  It really means a lot to me.

The End of Tax Season

Sorry it’s been a while.  Now that the tax season rush is over, I have a little bit of time to sit down and breathe.  What has happened since my last post?  Hmmm, let’s recap.

·       Bob and I agreed to try to get together every other day for baby making.  Except for one off day, so far, so good.

·       I met with some of my former classmates from my night class on Saturday night.  There were 3 couples and me. Two of the women there were pregnant, 1 with twins.  Both were a surprise to me.  (We keep in touch and yet no one told me about the babies.)  Also, I found out another classmate that couldn’t make it to the dinner is leaving her husband because he’s psycho.  It’s amazing what you learn when you actually meet in person instead of relegating your interaction to an email every other month or so.

·       Our cat Maisey had a stuffy nose, sniffles, and sneezes.  She came through it OK but now both kittens are walking around like they have rocks stuffed in their nostrils.  Poor babies.  If you have never had a cat with a cold, it can be someone entertaining.  At least until they sneeze on you.  Gah.

·       Bob’s wheelchair went in for repairs.  We found out the part could take 3 weeks to show up.  They said they would bring a loaner in the meantime.  They did.  It was a child’s chair.  Bob barely fits in it.  Now they say his wheelchair should be ready Thursday or Friday.

·       Unless I happen to get pregnant this month, my laposcopy is scheduled for May 3^rd.  I am anxious to see what they will find in there.

·       Speaking of finding, a good friend of mine had a hysterectomy yesterday because doctors found a large fibroid in her uterus.  I sent flowers and then called her cell.  Her husband said she was resting comfortably.  I thank those of you who may have said a prayer for her.

·       This Saturday night is the MDA Black and Blue Ball at the St. Paul River Centre.  If you are looking for something fun to do that night, I highly recommend it.  GB Leighton and band will be playing and we will be dancing the night away.  Not only that, but Ketel One will be there with a martini bar.  It’s a great cause and lots of fun.  Come on down and party with us.