I'm Back

I am back at work today.  I wish I could have taken one more week, but it is probably for the best that I return this week.  I get to sleep late last night, couldn’t fall asleep, and once asleep, didn’t sleep well.  In fact, I kept dreaming about not being able to sleep.  That never bodes well.  Of course all my fretting seems to be for naught.  Things were fine and are fine at work.  My boss and her boss were worried about me and are going to do what they can to help keep me healthy.  I have asked for scaled back hours.  My first choice is to have Mondays off.  Because of the nature of my work and how highly regulated our business is, that may not be possible.  But my boss assured me she would work with her boss to see if something can’t be worked out.  I feel better just sharing all of that.

Zoe seems fine.  She played hard with her sister last night, ate again this morning, and played hard again before I left for work.  She also took a long nap with Bob and Chloe yesterday afternoon/early evening.  So all seems well with her and for that I am thankful.  Unfortunately, Bob’s big old goldfish did not fair so well.  Bob has had this giant orange gold fish for at least 4 years now and he had to flush him last night.  Poor guy.  He rolls over Zoe and flushes Goldie in one day.

I haven’t really shared much about my week off last week.  I’ve been working through some stuff in counseling and that’s been good.  I am learning that I take on too much, don’t ask for help when I should, expect perfection, and then freak when I find myself fallible and flailing.  I also crave support but when it’s offered, I feel guilty and unworthy so will shun or reject the support I was previously craving.  Mmmmm, healthy!  I also need to let Bob do more, talk more about what I’m feeling with him, and stop protecting him from “the bad” stuff.

Also last week my parents were in town.  So I was able to spend 2 whole days with my mom and that was nice.  Bob and I also were able to attend a Twins game with my dad and grandma.  It was a treat to see them and spend time with them while they were here on business.  Also, I was able to show my mom the yummy places to lunch in the metro area.  We had lunch on the lake at Sunsets on Tuesday and tried the buffet at Qcumbers on Wednesday.  Yum!

So, that’s what is going on with me.  I am hurting but healing and trying to adjust things in my life so there is time for everything.  In fact, in an effort to care for me, I am skipping class tonight in order to get to bed early so I don’t heap lack of sleep upon lack of sleep.  I just cannot describe to you how much harder my life becomes if I don’t get good sleep each night. (Those of you with infants are laughing at me now, I know.)  The extra work I will have to do to make up the class is worth it to care for myself.