Highs and Lows

Things are good right now.  At least with me, for the most part.  Things are not so good for Bob.  He is really struggling with depression right now.  It is really odd being on the other side of depression…being on the side of the loved one watching the struggle instead of going through it myself.  I tend to be pretty hands off.  Other than some daily encouragement and love I don’t nag, I don’t tell him what to do, I don’t tell him how things could be worse, and I don’t push him in any direction.  He knows that he would benefit from counseling, medication, finding a support group and/or social worker.  He also knows where to go to find these things.  If it gets bad enough and he’s hurting enough, he will seek out help.  In the meantime, I listen to him when he needs to vent.  I hold him at night.  I encourage him by telling him what I love about him and how much he means to me.  I don’t know what else to do.

Bob gave me my hormone shot last night.  It was a weird experience.  He’s medically experienced in giving shots…to animals.  Still, he did a good job and I won’t worry about it, should he have to do it again.  Tomorrow is the insemination and I am anxious about that.  Still, all we can do is what we can do.  Bob goes in at 9 and I go in at 11.  After that, we wait and see.  Oh God, I hope this works.  It helps that there is a lot of stuff going on between now and two weeks from now.  This weekend we are going to the fair again.  Sunday and Monday will be busy with the MDA Telethon.  Next weekend I am going to visit my mother and keep her company while my dad is out of town.  So there will be plenty to do which will keep me busy until we can know if the insemination took.

I just found out that we are getting a nice little check back.  It’s surplus on something that has already been paid so it was ours to begin with and it’s just coming back to us.  We are going to pay off our credit cards with it but I also get to use part of it to expand my photography equipment.  Yay!  We are also using some of it to further modify our home for Bob.  He needs a bath chair and another device to help him when he’s in bed.  It’s a sturdy pole that attaches to the floor and ceiling and has bars that stick our horizontally.  Bob can use the bars to pull himself up in bed and steady himself when he’s getting dressed nearby.  These things will help him to be more ambulatory and help me to stop worrying.  I am so thankful for this check.