September 29th

So today is my 6th wedding anniversary. We didn't do much. I made Bob's favorite dinner and we have a small cake from the bakery that made our wedding cake.Yum, huh? I spent the morning with my Research Methods classmates. We had to conduct a focus group as part of our class project. It went well. All our participants showed up so that was a good sign. Overall, we are happy with where we are at right now, project-wise.

On the way home from the focus group, I got this:It's a ticket. I was literally 2 miles from home. I was behind a slow little grandma car and at the first opportunity, I passed it. And got flagged by a female cop. There was a speed trap set and they were directing us off to a side road cul-de-sac. There were 5 other cars besides me when I got flagged and 5 others after me when I left. The cop was super nice. She asked me if I knew why I was pulled over and I said yes, because I'd been speeding. She asked me if I knew the speed limit on that road and I said 40 but it was really 35. (The road I would have turned on that goes by my house is 40.) Then she asked me if I knew how fast I was going and I said no and she said 50. Gulp. Then she noticed I was not wearing a seat belt and it was raining. I said I was almost home and just got careless. She said she was just trying to make sure people like me got home. Then she asked for my license and registration. I handed it over. She left and I tried not to cry. I was successful but not by much. This is the first time I've ever been pulled over for speeding. Ever. In my life. NOT the first time I've been speeding though. The cop came back and said she COULD site me for speeding and the ticket would be $150 plus points off my license. She said my insurance would go up about $50 a month. Then she said she was not going to cite me for speeding but to consider this a warning. (I heaved a huge sigh of relief here.) Then she said she had to cite me for not wearing a seatbelt and she watched as I put it on. She handed over my info and the ticket. You can bet I watched my speed and my driving the rest of the way home. When I parked my car in our lot I finally looked at the citation to see how much of a fine not wearing my seat belt carries. $100!!!!!! Man alive. I will be wearing that thing for sure now. It's an expensive lesson in patience and safety and I'm thankful I got off as easy as I did. Not a good way to spend an anniversary though. Bob was not happy but he got better as the day progressed. Good food has a way of making him happy.

Your Opinion Will Help Me Graduate from College

Hello All!

You may have already received an email from me today, but bear with me. I am a scant 6 weeks from completing my Bachelor's degree in Communications. Currently I am in a research methods class and as part of that class, we have created a survey to gage voters' impressions with political candidates who use the internet. I am hoping to have as many respondents as possible. To help, Click Here to take survey.

Thank you so much for helping me out!

Free Friday

I think today should be named Free Friday.  Not only did I win 6 tickets to The Wonder Bread Years (see previous post), but lunch was free today in our building.  The organization that manages our building is also remodeling.  After months of no cafeteria, the new cafeteria opened today and free lunch was given to all who cared to stand in a long line and wait.  After about a 15 minute wait, I was able to get some pasta to order (penne with spinach, mushrooms, broccoli, and tomato cream sauce) and a nice salad and beverage for free!  The official grand opening is Monday but I guess they wanted to do a trial run and make sure the staff was all trained in. 

While eating my free lunch I went to NBC.com and watched the latest episode of The Office for free as well.  Am I crazy or is this new?  Didn’t they charge to watch episodes last year?  I used to tape The Office and watch CSI and Grey’s online for free because NBC charged to watch their shows.  Anyway, how cute were Pam and Jim?  So cute, right?

Finally, and this doesn’t have anything to do with things that are free, but ever since about 12:30 I have felt mildly ill.  As though if I move too fast or too much the yummy free lunch I ate while watching free The Office on NBC.com will make a return trip up esophagus way.  I went to the rest room and felt hot and clammy and shaky for about 10 minutes.  Then, just like that, it passed.  Part of me hopes it’s because the insemination is working and this is a preamble to morning sickness (see previous post where I noted the next two weeks will be spent over analyzing every bodily function and seeing if it can be applied to a pregnancy symptom).  Part of me worries that this IS because the insemination worked and this is how I’m going to spend the next 9 months of my life (again…not that I’m complaining and in fact while in the bathroom said to myself that I will gladly take this if it means I’m pregnant).  Anyway, the rest of me just wants to go home and lie down with my laptop and last night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy.  Man, having class on Thursday nights kind of bites the big one.

Good Ending to Not so Good Week

I won some tickets to this show! I wanted to take Bob there for his birthday which is near the end of October but I couldn’t justify the expense. Now not only can I take him, but 4 of our friends too! What a nice birthday surprise and it marks the end of a hectic and not so good week.

I keep expecting to feel differently. As if I will just automatically KNOW if I am pregnant. I keep willing the sperm to penetrate the egg and the egg to travel and implant in the uterus. It is my mantra and I hope it is working though I do not know if it is or not. Of course over the next two weeks every twinge, pain, or possible pregnancy symptom will be analyzed to death. We also now begin the two weeks of no alcohol. Why is it that I only seem to want some things at the exact time I cannot have them but any other time I could care less?

Class went well last night. Only two weeks left of this particular class, (I am sensing a theme here.) which means only two weeks to gather and analyze our data, write our paper, organize our presentation, and present our findings to our class. At least the next two weeks will be busy doing something other than waiting for morning sickness and spotting.

Tomorrow is our 6th wedding anniversary. We do not have plans because I have to do school work and our cash flow is currently low. I DID, however, order a small round cake from the bakery that did our wedding cake and I will make a special meal. We may go for a drive on Sunday to take in the fall color, if the weather holds up. Although a friend of mine just added 3 kittens to her household and she wants me to come and take pictures of them while they are still tiny and kitten-y cute.

How My Day's Going So Far

So before noon today I was able to get quite a bit accomplished:

·       Fed and snuggled cats

·       Made and wrapped 2 egg sandwiches for Bob to have later

·       Showered and changed

·       Packed up laptop and readied school stuff

·       Wrote Bob a note asking him to have my oil changed when he takes my car to get a new battery

·       Collected Bob’s sample and turned it in (only about 10 minutes door to door)

·       Stopped at bank to cash check

·       Picked up cupcakes from bakery for work recognition event later today

·       Picked up anniversary card for Bob for Saturday (our 6^th)

·       Stopped and placed order for lunch for pick up at 11:30.

·       Got inseminated (they left me in the room to…marinate (?) and forgot me.  I was there for a ½ hour!)

·       Picked up lunch

·       Parked in ramp and at my desk at noon on the dot.

Whew!  Completely normal day, and I had a message from Bob saying my car is ready to go and back in our apartment parking lot already.  I guess it wouldn’t start so they had to come across the street to jump it, drive it across the street to the garage, and drive it back to park.  But it starts and runs and has new oil now.

Yesterday I was listening to my iPod and got immensely, intently focused on Queen’s Somebody to Love.  Have you heard that song?  It has to be one of the most perfect songs ever written.  And I know Freddie Mercury was a gay man, but sometimes his voice causes me to fall completely, totally, and thoroughly in love with him.  I know he wasn’t singing about finding an overweight white girl to fall in love with but if he were still alive today, I don’t think it would be too far off for me to say a visit to his doorstep would be in order.  Of course I left the iPod in the van today so I am completely and utterly without good music at my desk today.

Tonight is class.  After tonight, I am halfway through this class…thank God!  Once this class is over, I only have one more class and then I am done.  On Monday I can order graduation announcements and my cap and gown!  I already have my party invites and am now looking into things to do for/at the party.  I’ve been researching things/people that turned 40 in 2007.  So far I’ve found that the Big Mac, ATM, The Graduate, and video games all turned 40 this year.  Also, these famous people turned 40 this year; Pamela Anderson, Julia Roberts, Wil Ferrell, and Nicole Kidman to name a few.

Frowny-Face

The bad day seems to be following me around.  Yesterday I had another visit to the clinic to check on the progress of the little follicle that could.  It is growing appropriately.  Then the tech said, “OK so we will see you for insemination at 11am on Thursday, right?”  What?  I told her that, no, the insemination was scheduled for 3pm Thursday.  She said, “No, no, no.  I need Bob to come in at 9 and you to come in at 11 on Thursday.”  OK. So I changed the appointment and asked for a collection cup because I know 9am is to Bob what 3am is to you and me.  Then I went to work and rearranged my schedule so I don’t have to come in until noon on Thursday. So insemination #3 is scheduled for 11am tomorrow.

The rest of the day was fine.  Then, after work I had to run to Walgreen’s to pick up my Hcg RX.  When I got back in my car, it wouldn’t start.  I knew the battery had been going but I was hoping I had a few more turnovers in it.  Apparently not.  I called Bob to come help me because I wasn’t positive it was the battery.  While standing there waiting for him, only 2 people asked if I needed help.  Of the dozen or so people who passed me, only 2 asked.  The rest shot me a dirty look like I was hogging the parking space on purpose and not giving it up for someone who has actual business inside the Walgreen’s.  Whatever dirty-lookers.  Bob came and I managed to get the jumper cables on my car without spark or fire and once properly charged, my car started just fine.  Whew!

Later last night I had to have Bob give me the Hcg shot.  If you ever have to have a loved one give you a shot, I recommend asking the ones who might have shot giving experience.  In Bob’s case, he used to be a veterinary technician and has given hundreds of shots in his day.  Last night’s shot was barely even a blip on my pain radar.  He’s a good little shot giver.

This morning I had my bi-annual dental visit.  I have a cavity.  Frowny face.  However, the dental technician told me I have the gums of a 15 year old!  She was thrilled with my gum health and tooth appearance, however I have to back to the dentist for a filling next month.

Hey!  If you are a twin cities reader, what are you doing Saturday from 10-noon?  Well, you COULD be helping a bunch of adults further their education.  My research writing team is conducting a focus group.  I need to bring 2 people and I’m having a dickens of a time finding 2 people to show up.  I’m getting to the point where I will just go to the college campus with $20 bills and bribe 2 kids to show up.  Help me further my education, get free bagels and coffee, AND share your opinion on voting and political candidates and their use of the internet.  You know you want to!  Leave me a comment to let me know you can make it and I will email you directions.  Thanks!

In response to a comment I received yesterday, I don’t believe the emergent church is one that, as a whole, deems women or wives below men or husbands.  There may be sects of that kind of church around the country.  The churches I’ve known of usually kind of have this, “lets all pull together.  You’re a leader, I’m a leader, lets just get things done,” tone and that’s what I like about them.  Still, we are careful in our choices and won’t commit to a church until we are clear on where they are coming from.

Fabulosity

It’s been a crappy couple of days. Yesterday Bob and I were looking forward to attending what has been mentioned to be the premiere emergent church in the Twin Cities. We showered and changed and drove to south Minneapolis only to find the building that this church rents was not accessible. We drove around it 3 times, located every possible entrance and looked for the one that would be accessible only to find none were accessible. Instead of going to church, we went to Dairy Queen and then for a walk around Lake Minnetonka. It ended up being a nice evening but we could have had a nice evening anywhere…we wanted to go to church. When we got home, I emailed the pastor to ask if we had perhaps missed the accessible entrance only to be told they do not in fact have an accessible entrance. Great, so the premiere emergent church in the Twin Cities is only accessible to those without disabilities. Or at least to people whose disabilities are such that they can still climb stairs and get into the building. We won’t make that mistake twice. I emailed all the other churches we are considering to ask if their buildings are accessible.

Today when I got to work I ran into the woman who hired our manager away from us. I haven’t seen this woman in months and in the month since she hired our manager for her own team, I’ve seen her on average of twice a week. Every time I see her, she puts on her sad face and asks me how we’re doing in a tone of voice that assumes we are sad and depressed. I just say we are fine and press the elevator door close button repeatedly so as to minimize the time I need to see her fake sympathetic sad face.

As soon as I got to my desk this morning I was greeted with not one, but two new pregnancy announcements. Great. Good for you. At the second one, I actually teared up and had to work a giant lump out of my throat. God, infertility sucks. I have another appointment at the clinic today to see how far I’ve progressed. On Friday the follicle only measured 11cm and they want to see it at 20cm. So today is follicle check #2. I don’t have high hopes but we’ll see.

Oh, and the icing on the cake that IS today is that when I went to the bathroom just now, I noticed that the capris I am wearing have a lovely tear right in the butt. The only thing saving me is that I am wearing underwear the exact same color as the capris I’m wearing. I am going home to change before I go to the RE’s clinic. At least I have that to fall back on otherwise I would just be making a trip home on my own time. Sheesh, it’s not even 9am and my day is shaping up to be filled with fabulosity.

Work, School, Sleep, Repeat

I haven’t written for a couple of days because all I really have time for these days is school, work, and sleep.  My class just started and has thrown me into a tizzy of anxiety of nerves.  My group has met one time outside of class and has planned to meet more in the next 3 weeks.  We turned in our proposal for our research project and I may be calling on you readers to help us out by filling out a survey or two.  Just be prepared.  I think we are doing OK but the amount of work looming ahead of us is daunting.  I have 4 weeks left in this course and hope I don’t live through 4 weeks of nerves and anxiety.  It’s just no fun and the addition of anxiety breathing makes it doubly difficult.

I am no longer taking the Clomid but its effects still linger.  I am weepy over the dumbest stuff (Bob calls just to tell me he loves me.  Sob!) and I think some of the anxiety I am feeling is chemically induced.  I see the ultrasound tech on Friday to check how this cycle is going.  I asked Bob if he thought we should finish this cycle out but maybe put off further cycles until after this class at the soonest or until I graduate at the latest.  There is just too much going on right now.  Not that you can put off having a baby until the exact perfect time…because if you do that, you will NEVER have the baby.  There is no perfect time.  Granted there are better times than others, but we aren’t getting any younger and in December I’ll be 40 so there is still some discussion to be had on this.

Speaking of turning 40, I am throwing myself a graduation/birthday party in January.  Have I mentioned this already?  I am waiting until January because by then the din and glitz of the holidays has passed and people are slogging through the winter now just looking ahead to spring break. Plus, it will give me time to plan and pay for the party.  My last class ends on November 15^th and the next 2 months are party planning time.  I have a question I need some help with.  I don’t want gifts.  I know it’s presumptuous to expect gifts at 40, but sometimes people do want to do something nice to commemorate the day.  Instead, I would like people to make a donation to either the MDA (Muscular Dystrophy Association) or The Belmont Foundation (an organization that promotes mentoring to boys from single parent households).  What is the best (least tacky) way to indicate this to the people I am inviting?  The invites have already been printed and shipped and make no mention of the gift/donation thing.  Can I put a small insert with the addresses/websites of these organizations with the request for donations in lieu of gifts?  Your help and Miss Manners directions are greatly appreciated.

Yep, Clomid's Working

I just know the Clomid is working. How do I know? Well, the fact that I am sobbing, literally sobbing while watching Miami Animal Police is one clue. The other is that my libido has severely ramped up. How's that for sexy? Crying over dying kittens while wanting to jump my husband? Hot!

In other news, I walked to work today. I have to say I really enjoy walking TO work more so than walking home FROM work. When I leave for work it's still dark and cool. Otherwise, it was OK. The heal of my left foot really hurts as do my arches. My fear is that my arches are falling and I need orthodics. Still, I will wait and see. I can't walk to work tomorrow as I need to drive to school right after work in order to work on the group project. But I CAN walk Wednesday and maybe Friday. That should give my feet some time to heal.

Major Communication

We had a busy weekend, exacerbated by my incredible mood swings.  Seems the Clomid is working.  Last time you wouldn’t have known I was on it other than I tended to be a tad weepier.  This time, woo boy!  Poor Bob.  Thankfully there is only one more day of Clomid this cycle.

Friday night I reorganized the room we use as our office.  I got a 6 ft. table on sale at Big L0ts and some plastic drawer thingys.  Then I went to B3d B@th and B3yond and got some bed lifts. (These things you put under the feet of your bed to add height to your bed and storage space.)  Then I went home and disconnected everything electrical and moved it all from our old crappy desk.  Then I hauled the old, crappy desk to the dumpster and set the table up on top of the bed lifts.  Once that was done, I put all our electronics on the table and hooked everything back up.  So far Bob is really happy with the arrangement. He can now get all the way up to the desk and his wheelchair armrests fit under the table/desk now.  It really saves his back and neck and arms from stretching and straining.

Saturday was all about homework.  There was a glitch in that I could not get logged in to the library database and that caused no small amount of angst and frustration.  I got done what I could get done and that was that.  I am just so anxiety-ridden about this class and the group project we are working on.  I ended up getting into a really good group and don’t want to wreck it by being the flake or the person who can’t get work done because of technical issues.  I don’t want to be “that person”.

Once the homework stuff was done, I decided to clean up our balconies.  Our north facing balcony needed to be winterized.  I put away the grill and the gas tank.  I moved the bistro table from one end to the other.  I also cleaned out the dead impatiens from our window box and refilled the bird seed.  The west facing balcony had some dead and some living flowers.  So I cleaned out the dead flowers (petunias, dianthus, alyssum, sunflowers, and vincas) and put the puts away.  Then I watered and weeded the morning glories and geraniums.  Thankfully the frost/freeze we had Friday night did not adversely affect them.  There are blooms bursting all over.

Sunday was laundry and more homework.  Tuesday I meet with my group to go over what we have so far.  I think this class is just going to be a huge pain in the butt and I can’t wait until it’s over.

Bob and I had a good talk on Saturday.  We talked about how we’ve both been feeling overwhelmed and kind of down.  For him, he’s depressed about losing strength, dealing with daily pain, not having a job or work to do, and not having friends nearby.  His depression makes him want to curl up in a ball and do nothing.  So, he does nothing.  He’s kind of the “all or nothing” kind of guy so if one thing seems to be going badly, it ALL needs to be flushed down the crapper.  I’ve noticed this but there’s nothing I can do to change it so I’ve been going out of my way to try and make it all better which leads to me feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, overtired, and not a very happy camper.  We got it all out on the table and are both making changes to try and help the other and still work through our crap ourselves.  The big change we are making is to get to church next week.  We are going to visit a myriad of local houses of worship to see where we best fit.  We hope that goes a long way to help us feel connected to God and others.  It was a good talk and it certainly cleared a lot of things up.  Good thing I’m a Communications major, huh?

Gearing Up for the Next Cycle

I went to the clinic this morning.  They drew blood to check my levels and of course no visit to the clinic is complete without interaction with the vaginal wand.  The uterine lining is thin and looks good, as it should.  There is one teeny cyst on my ovary but the tech said it’s too small to really worry about and it was clear throughout.  She said they usually only really get worried if it’s bigger than 3 cm (mine was around 8 mm) and if it looks like it has “stuff” in it.  I received my second round of Clomid.  I am to take 3 pills a day for 5 days beginning today.  Then, next Friday, I am to go back to the clinic for another look-see via the vaginal wand to see where I’m at in my cycle.  The next insemination should take place the following Monday or so.

Class last night went well.  It turns out that it’s not so scary of a class though there is a lot of work involved.  The book is not dry or filled with million dollar research words and is actually quite interesting.  Also, I ended up in probably the best group I could have chosen.  In fact, the three other members of the group are really the 3 members I had hoped to be grouped with.  We also talked about how, if it turns out that someone badly slacks off, the professor does reserve the right to grade the group individually.  Some people didn’t like to hear that but it greatly relieved me.  I’m not 100% thrilled with our research topic, but it’s doable and should be interesting none-the-less.    I may be calling on the greater blogging community to help with some focus group/survey stuff so stay tuned.

My poor husband.  Last night we were talking and admitted that he has been lonely and just recently realized that he doesn’t have any friends to hang out with or with whom to do things.  We thought about it, and it’s true.  So not only is he not working, he’s not social.  I think for a time, the friendship thing wasn’t important or a major focus because we were newly married and then we were working through his health issues and scares.  But now that everything else seems to have settled down, he’s realizing that he’s lonely and misses having friends.  How does one make friends when he is home alone during the work day and in a wheelchair 24/7?

General Minutia

The purchase I was concerned about posted to my account today.  NOW all I have to do is register the warranty.  I tried to do it online last night but kept getting an error message.  When I tried to call it in today I received a recorded message that said, “Due to the holiday, we are closed.”  I was beginning to think I was scammed until I remembered that the warranty company is in New York and it’s the first day of Rosh Hashanah. D’oh!  So no dice on registering the warranty until Monday.

Tonight is my first night of the class I’ve been dreading.  The text for the class isn’t so bad.  At least in the preface the authors basically write, “We know you are scared and overwhelmed at the thought of this class but chill, we will do what we can to make it easy on you.”  I am hoping that as I read along, this is true.  That’s not to say the prof won’t work us down to the nub, but who can say.  Sometimes the Socrates method of learning sucks the big blue kazoo. 

I got a new bra the other night.  There is a place in the north metro area that fits and sells bras.  I used them when I got married but haven’t been there since.  The good news is that when I measured and fitted myself, I came up with the same number as the professional fitter at this place.  The bad news is the bra she fit me in is a cup size smaller than the measurement we came up with.  I measure at a DD but I am now fitted formally in a D.  I’m not sure how this sits with me.  I’ve been of the DD for so long it’s a part of me. To be relieved of the DD moniker is a little disheartening.  Still, it’s also a little freeing.  Not that my boobs are small by any means.  There is still an amble melon-sized mound on each side of my body, much to my husband’s glee.  But to lose the DD…well, I guess I’m still working through it.

I had to finish up one last paper for my last class.  It was due today so of course I put it off until last night.  We had to watch a movie from a list and critique the ethical situations found therein.  I chose Broadcast News.  I forgot how much I liked that movie.  I also forgot that Joan Cusak and Jack Nicholson are in it.  My favorite line is when Albert Brook’s character tells Holly Hunter’s character, “Ok, I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went that time.”  And she knows exactly what he means.  I used to say that ALL THE TIME and had forgotten about it. I laughed out loud when I heard him say it.  The other thing that makes me laugh is in the beginning when Holly’s character is producing a spot that needs to be on the network news in seconds and her production assistant is getting it all put together, all she can say is his name over and over again, “Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby…”  Heh.

Tomorrow, another clinic visit, another FUS, and a blood draw.  Oh my.

Learning a New Language

Trying to have a baby with medical intervention is like learning a new language.  And thought my “teachers” are patient with me and will explain what everything means if I ask, if I don’t ask no one expounds making me think I should just know this stuff.  I just got a call from my nurse who gave me “The Plan”.  THE PLAN:  increase the Clomid from 100 to 150, add progesterone in lueteal phase, get day three labs and a new FUS.  See?  A new language. But I’m learning.  The increase in Clomid is easy enough to understand.  We are jumping 50 mg in order to better boost egg production.  Adding Progesterone in lueteal phase means that instead of waiting until ovulation, we will start it at insemination.  Day three labs means a blood draw on day three of my period which is the day after tomorrow.  Finally, the FUS is old hat…that’s the ultrasound using the vaginal wand.  Ah, Vaginal Wand, you are like a friend to me.  An invasive, slightly annoying friend, but a friend none-the-less.  I have an appointment at 7:30 on Friday.  The next insemination should be roughly around the 24^th or 25^th and then I begin another wait to get on the merry-go-round.

I went home for lunch today as I was expecting a delivery.  The delivery was there when I got home and yet the money I paid for the item has not been debited from my bank account yet.  I made the purchase online on Saturday and have the item in my hot little hand and yet no money has left my account.  I called the bank and they said they are just waiting for confirmation from the seller.  Has this happened to anyone else?  How long will this take to reconcile?  I like order and completion and having this transaction just hanging out there is driving me nuts.  On the plus side I have a shiny new flash for my Pentax and I LOVE it!

"The Plan"

I was going to write how the great period watch of 2007 was still in effect but as of this morning, the watch may finally be over.  According to my Ovusoft morning temp chart, my period should have come Sunday.  My own superior counting skills had me thinking it was due Monday.  So it barely shows up today.  Apparently Clomid does slow down one’s cycle.  Now I have to call the clinic to schedule another FUS and find out more about” The Plan”.

Did I write about winning something from the State Fair?  I happened to walk by the MN Egg Producers booth and picked up some recipes (I want to learn how to make a frittata).  As I was perusing the recipes, I was asked to enter their raffle.  I wasn’t even sure what it was for but I obliged and filled out.  Well, I ended up winning!  I don’t know if they had one drawing or multiples but I received a phone call asking for a verification of our shipping address and two days later I was the proud owner of a brand new omelet pan, a whisk, a rubber spatula, an apron, and 2 oven mitts.  All but the pan say, “May is National Egg Month”.  I’ve used the omelet pan every morning this week and I must say I LOVE it!  I use 2 eggs and fill the omelet with mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes, and cheese.  They are yummy, filling, and so good for me.

I needed some new fall clothes now that someone flicked the weather switch from blazing hot to practically freezing.  (the low last night nearly reach the 30s!)  I found a pair of pants and a couple of shirts at Catherine’s.  I also found a couple pair of pants and a couple shirts at The Avenue.  I still could use a pair of brown slacks and a couple more sweaters.  And maybe a pair of jeans.  I also need a new winter coat and I’m shopping for a graduation dress.  If you have any good ideas where I can get a pretty plus sized dress perfect for a December graduation, please leave me a comment.  I’ve looked online and most of the dresses I’ve looked at are kind of clingy and sleeveless.  Whose bright idea is it to put oversized arms into sleeveless dresses?  I have 3 months to find the perfect dress and I may need every minute.  Dresses for plus sized women seem to either be too matronly or too sexy/flirty.  I am looking for something in-between. I’m not really a dress gal per se so this is really difficult.

Tomorrow I begin the class I’ve been fearing and dreading since going back to school.  It’s called Methods of Communication Research and it’s a 5-week course.  Also, we have to work on the final paper/project in groups or teams.  I hate working on school work in groups.  We all receive the same final grade even if we don’t all do the same amount of work.  I kind of feel like you are either dragged down by the lowest group member unless you ignore them and let them off the hook but then the remaining members have to make up the slack and then the low member of the team earns a higher grade and didn’t do anything to earn it.  Thankfully, the only thing due tomorrow is a short essay.  I’m behind in the reading for the class, but can pick it up tonight after work.  At least the next 5 weeks will help take my mind off “The Plan”.

Still Not Pregnant

So we’re not pregnant.  And I have yet to get my period…so that’s weird.  As instructed, I called the nurse line to let them know. My nurse called me back roughly 80 million hours later. (That’s just a rough estimate.)  Apparently Monday’s are quite busy.  She said that when I get my period I am to call and make an appointment for a FUS.  I said OK and then stopped and said, “wait a minute…you want me to call the clinic when I GET my period to schedule a FUS while I HAVE my period?”  She said yes and that so many people think that sounds gross.  And she said that last part in a disbelieving kind of tone.  Ummm, maybe they think it is because it is?  Anyway, she was properly sympathetic and yet equally hopeful and cheerleader-y for the next cycle.  She did say that male factor may have been the reason this time because Bob gave a very small sample and it was only graded fair.  Then she asked if we wanted to use donor sperm.  Um…really?  Is it normal to be asked this after one small/fair sample?  Our first try at insemination actually yielded a great sample.  So, no to the donor sperm.

I had a nice weekend with my mom though.  We didn’t do much.  I swept and vacuumed her floors and cleaned out her fridge and freezer.  My brother and his boys came over for a visit.  We went for a short excursion.  All in all it was a fast trip but nice nonetheless.  Poor mom is getting along OK and doing quite well considering. 

I was so hoping we were pregnant (even though I suspected we weren’t) that when I stopped at the outlet store in the Dells to get some glass refrigerator containers, I stopped in The Children’s Place just to have a look around.  I found the clearance racks and on the clearance racks I found .99 baby clothes.  And I bought some.  For the baby that we don’t have.  For the baby that’s non-existent right now.  Cute clothes for…no one.

Arg.  I’m in a funk and I can’t decide if it’s because the test was negative or because work is so crappy right now or if the class work ahead of me is already wearing me down or if it’s a combination of all the above.  Probably all the above.  Great.  We are heading into the darkest days of the year and I’m already down.

The Results of Insemination Try #2

A plus (+) sign means you're pregnant. A minus (-) sign means your uterus is a big empty hole and your period is on its way. It also means you can stop taking the progesterone for now AND you can have a glass of that wine that is chilling in the fridge just in case.

Sneaking Suspicions

I have the sneaking suspicion that I’m not pregnant.  My morning basal temperature was lower today than yesterday.  It is supposed to get higher each day but today’s was lower.  Bummer.  I really want to be pregnant.  I feel like I’m watching a merry-go-round going round and round.  There are lots of pregnant women on the merry-go-round.  They are laughing, talking, and having fun.  Then there are those of us trying to get on the merry-go-round. We are looking for a way on.  We are trying everything we can do to get on but the ride won’t stop for us.  Every now and then a woman makes it on.  She tells us how she did it and it works for some but not others.  So we stand and wait and look for a way on.

It’s cooler today.  Our high MIGHT make it to 70 today.  It’s our first taste of fall weather and I’m loving it.  Although the danger of first frost now lurks around the corner and my morning glories are budding like crazy.  Figures.

I got a manicure today.  The building in which I work has a salon/spa.  It’s convenient when you need a haircut, facial, manicure, brow wax, etc.  I got my brows done yesterday and my nails done today.  My cuticles were driving me crazy.  So much so that I bit the heck out of the corner of one of my fingers on my left hand.  Thankfully the nail tech did not admonish me but only congratulated me for coming in before I bit all the other fingers to pieces.  She was great.  She had a photo of her young self with a young Elvis circa 1968 and they totally looked like a couple.  She just happened to be in the right place at the right time for a remarkable photo opportunity.  I hope to save the cash to see her every couple of months or so.

I leave today to see my mom.  I have no plan other than to be her chauffer and care-taker.  Hope it’s a nice visit.

Progesterone Update

I just got the call from the clinic on my progesterone levels.  They kept saying they wanted to see 20 or above and the number came in at 14.5.  Then the nurse told me that they usually want to see between 15-20 and they are actually happy with this number for now.  I asked her if this low number indicates in any way that I’m not pregnant and she said no but that if I’m not, we will have a new plan for the next cycle.  She also said that anything over 4 means I’ve ovulated and they really like numbers over 12.  So…it’s kind of good news so far but kind of not good news.  If it turns out I’m not pregnant, I am to stop the progesterone right away and call the clinic for the new plan.  If I am pregnant, I call the clinic for a check up and…the new plan.  Either way, I have a plan and the support to execute it.

I had my first pumpkin spice latte of the season today and it was good.  I promptly spilled it some on my shirt so it looks like I’m lactating, so that was fun. 

I don’t feel like I have enough time to get all the things done I want to get done before I leave to visit my mom this weekend.  Still, I will do what I can and the rest will have to wait.

Today is supposed to be 91 degrees.  Friday is supposed to be 70.  I can’t wait until Friday.

When did it become fall?

It’s 90 degrees here today and yet as far as stores and retail vendors are concerned, it’s already fall.  The Halloween costumes are out at Target, the fall harvest stuff is out at the craft and fabric stores, the coffee shops are featuring their pumpkin breads and drinks, AND I’ve heard no fewer than 3 “prepare for the holidays” commercials in the last week.  There is no easing into fall around here.  Apparently once the fair is over and school starts, fall is here.

My friend’s mother’s funeral was today.  I could not attend so Bob attended in my stead.  I haven’t heard a report back from him yet but I am assuming it was well attended and was a fitting memorial to a wonderful woman.  My friend is doing much better.  Thank you to those of you who prayed for her.

Our weekend was busy with mostly MDA Labor Day Telethon stuff.  I did get to the state fair one more time on Saturday and had a lot of fun.  I spent hours in the horse barn talking to horsey people.  I rode the space needle for the first time ever. I also got over my fear of heights and rode both sky tram things.  The enclosed one was scarier to me than the ski-lift type one for reasons I still cannot put to words.  I tried a Gizmo sandwich for the first time (LOVED it!) and some non-food building cheese curds (HATED them!).  I had yummy roasted corn and beer battered mushrooms.  I also bought a pair of teeny tiny little Minnetonka Moccasins…just in caseJ.  Finally, I stayed for the horse show.  I am so glad I did.  The Royal Canadian Mounted Police opened the show and it was spectacular.  A good ending to my day alone at the fair.

I had an appointment at my RE’s office today.  I thought it was JUST to check my progesterone levels, but apparently I can’t set foot into the clinic without having the vaginal wand visiting my hooha.  They were supposed to call me with the progesterone results but I haven’t heard from them yet.  They are looking for a number of 20 or over…which they will probably get because I’ve been using the progesterone suppositories they prescribed for me last week.  During my ultrasound, the technician found my right ovary with no problem and evidence of ovulation and egg release. She had a harder time trying to find my left ovary and an even harder time determining what happened to the follicle there.  I can test on Monday but should know one way or the other by then anyway since that’s when my period is due.  My clinic is going to send the results of my progesterone test and the ultrasound photos to my RE and when they call with my results, they will also have a plan for the next cycle should I not be pregnant this go-around.   I certainly don’t feel pregnant but I feel good about this cycle…and the next for whatever that is worth.

 I just wish I knew for sure because then I’d have a tangible reason to avoid alcohol and caffeine.  There is a work happy hour event tomorrow night and I will have to forgo my most favorite Mojito because there is a chance I’m pregnant.  I’m also back to cleaning the cat boxes out using rubber gloves and a mask.  Like I said in a former post, there really is no danger for me to get sick from my cat’s poo unless I eat it but why take chances? Anyway, I will know in less than a week for sure.

One last thing…at the telethon Bob and I kept saying that next year we won’t be as free with our time and efforts on behalf of MDA because we will be baby wrangling.  We are suddenly looking at our annual activities and imagining the time forward with child.  It’s kind of nice.