Turns out that if you have every minute of a week scheduled to the hilt, you end up having very little time to sit and think (or stew as the case may be.) about stuff. Saturday ended up being a day of little to no “stuff” but lots and lots of thinking (or stewing as the case may be.) and crying. In the end I have decided that I/we are taking a month off. One month with no temperature taking, no Clomid, no Progesterone, no charting, no clinic appointments, no HcG shots, no wands up the hoo-ha, no timed intercourse, no sample-taking, no, no, no. I need a month off from this craziness.
Speaking of the craziness that is conception and pregnancy, one of my dearest friends is due to have a C-section on the 26th. This will be her second child. She and her husband had problems conceiving and subsequently had medical help. It worked for them and now they have two! I am supremely happy for them but also insanely jealous. I just want it to be me.
So Friday night turned out to be kind of fun. I got to the hotel early and was able to set up my tri-pod and get situated. There was a high-end designer trunk show set up in the ballroom. The clothes were amazing, mostly made of cashmere. There were also leather boots and bags and belts. There was a cashmere baby line as well though I couldn’t see paying $150 for a pair of booties or $500 for a cashmere sleeper that would most likely be spit up upon. Anyway, the evening went well and I took many, many photos of pretty, pretty people and I am mostly happy with them. I had the chance to pass out my card a couple of times which reminded me that I need to get some cards. Oops. Everyone kept asking if I was with MN Monthly or Mpls/St. Paul Magazine. Hee.
I just took a look at the syllabus for my next (last) class. And what did I find? I found out that once again, we will be grouped together for a final project/presentation! Gah! Out of a possible 330 points for the whole class, the final paper and project are work 200! The only good thing is that the one gal I don’t get along with will not be in this particular class. At this point I don’t care who I get grouped with. It’s my final class and my final project and I will just do what needs to be done to be done.
I don’t know if this is a result of my grief over not being able to conceive or due to the fact that we have only had 3 days of sun in the past 3 weeks, but I am sad and tired and probably depressed. All I want to do is sleep. Or lie on the couch and watch TV. I do stuff around the house only because it needs doing but it takes a lot of effort and self talk to get anything done right now. Everything just seems so dark and dank and lonely right now.