Why Ask Why?

Good news about the van.  We are almost there!  We have $25,000 in the account at Mobility for Independence. We still need about $2,500 for the cost of the van and $1,700.00 for the power tie down which is the modification that will allow Bob to drive the van from his wheel chair. So the total still needed is still around 4,000.00 but we are so close now.   Good news, no?  We still have a little over a month to get it all in and I believe that it will be done.

I had my review yesterday and it went really well.  Not so well that we are now independently wealthy, but I was given a 2% raise.  That comes out to only about an extra $500 a year, but it’s still more money and a raise, so I can’t get too snooty about it.  The only thing is there is NO ONE at Big Bank Co who does what I do.  In all of the vast resources of my company, I am the only one who does what I do and the compensation for that is paltry to be sure.  If our product brought in more money, I am sure more notice would be paid to my job and the compensation would follow.  But alas, that is not the case. Boo hoo.  My boss was great though and really made me feel good about my job and the job I do.  We are going to work on some career planning/development in the coming months so I can plan where to go and what to do once I get my degree in December.

I will say I wish my boss’s bosses were here instead of in California.  It seems like they sit in their ivory tower making arbitrary decisions.  The newest one is that they want our phone team to be here on Saturday.  Believe me when I say this is not going over well.  Mostly because the resources they use to get answers for our sassy bankers are not open on Saturday.  None of the other insurance companies, none of the other customer service departments, none of our IT or technology departments…none of them are open on Saturday.  So I can see how the calls will go.  Ring ring, ring ring.  “Hello, this is xxxxxxx at Big Bank Co Phone Team, how may I help you?”  “Yes, this is Sassy Banker. I need to know if this annuity #000000 is still current and what the rate and balance is and has been the past 7 years.”  “Well, I can tell you that it is still current in our system and the rate and balance as of today is $xxxx  and xx% but for the rest of the 6 years, I will have to take your name and number and call you back on Monday since the insurance company that holds that policy is not open today.  I need to speak to someone there to get the info and can’t get that until Monday.”  “What?  But my customer is right here right now.  That’s not going to fly.”  “I’m sorry but I don’t have that info handy and the insurance company is closed today.  I won’t be able to get it until Monday.”  “Fine, but I’m not happy and the customer won’t be either.”  Doesn’t that sound like a fun shift to work?  I am glad I am not on the phone team any more. These decisions are made without any consultation of my boss or our team and without any consideration that we might have tried such a thing in the past but found it to be a waste of time, effort, and money.  It is frustrating to be so invested in a job and team only to have your bosses not know what you do or even seem to care.

I walked to work today.  First time this year.  It took me 45 minutes but I could have done it faster if I hadn’t stopped to take photos.  It’s funny the kinds of things the melted snow reveals on the sides of the road in the spring.  I found a pair of men’s boxer shorts and a beer can.  The beer is one I’ve never heard of before so I stopped to photograph it.  I also took a photo of a cardinal that was singing his head off.  He was in a tree right next to the road.  Since the leaves haven’t sprung forth yet, he was easily visible.  I love the birds singing in the morning.  The Chickadees have already begun their yoo hoo spring song.  It was about 37 degrees and damp outside.  It was also super foggy.  But I really enjoyed the walk.  I just wish there were sidewalks the whole way so I don’t have to worry about cars slamming into me from behind.

People have told me to stop asking why.  Stop asking “why us?”  “Why don’t we have children?”  “Why can’t we get pregnant?” But I am here to tell you that I will not stop asking why.  For one thing, God is bigger than my questions.  For another thing, sometimes He does answer when I ask why.  When we lost the financing on the mobile home and I cried and felt like my heart was breaking and asked God why...He answered.  Not until later, of course, but He answered.  If we had bought that home we would have had to have sold it once Bob’s MD was diagnosed.  For me, asking questions is a form of dialog.  My poor mom knows this. She has spent more than her fair share of time answering questions that have no answers.  For the most part she was patient but every mother has a breaking point.  My husband is much better.  Just the other night I asked him this, “Do you think our cats understand each other when they meow and chirp and meep?  I mean, is it like a language to them so that meep means “hi there” and growls mean “get out of my way”?  He answered me as though he had put a lot of thought into this question himself and then we talked about other things from there.  So for me to ask God why could be a great opening for Him to talk to me about other things.  Not that I hear Him audibly, but He does talk to me.  I won’t stop asking why.  I think that’s a good thing.  I think as long as I’m still talking to God that’s a good thing. It’s when I close myself off completely from Him that you should be worried about, if you worry about me at all.