The World Is Ending

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Originally uploaded by SunFlowery.

It is 9:30pm on Saturday, September 30th and I JUST saw my first "holiday" ad on TV. It was for Wal-Mart Toyland.

Happy Anniversary!

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Originally uploaded by SunFlowery.

Happy 5th Anniversary Baby! Thanks for working so hard along side me at this thing called Marriage. I don't know what I would have done without you by my side these past 5 years (6 if you count from the time we first met). You are my hero, my husband, my lover, and my best friend. You are the safest person I have ever known. No matter what my flaw, the mistakes I make, our problems, you constantly and consistantly cheer me on and love me. You are always for me and never against me and for that, I am eternally grateful. Thanks for loving me and for asking me to marry you. I would do it all over again in an instant. I love you.

I'm Siiiiiiiiiick

I have the crud.  I don’t know what shape the crud takes in your neck of the woods, but here it comes in the form of an alternatively stuffy or runny nose, a tickle/scratchy throat, a full head, sore joints, teary eyes, and achy lymph nodes.  I’m siiiiiiiiicckk. *cough cough*.  If I could, I would be home in bed.  But I can’t so I’m not.  Poor Bob told me we could cancel our anniversary celebration tomorrow night and do it next weekend but NOTHING is going to stop me from having a lovely dinner with my husband.  We did decide to eat at Biella.  I wish I was not allergic to shellfish because their pumpkin ravioli with shrimp sounds heavenly.  If nothing else, I will take a bite of everything and box the rest for later. 

Yesterday I drove to the bakery that made our wedding cake and picked up a tiny cake for our anniversary celebration.  (I will post a photo later.)  It’s super cute.  I put it in a plastic grocery bag with 2 cucumbers a co-worker gave me from her garden and put it in the fridge.  Then I told Bob that the plastic grocery bag in the fridge contains cucumbers from a co-worker’s garden.  He said “yuck” and that he would stay out of it.  Cucumbers make him bleed from his eyes.  Not really, but he hates them so he will not be discovering the cake-y surprise before it’s time.

I found out how my classmate got my email address.  The woman that planned our 20^th reunion sent a mass email to everyone on her class email list with info about the reunion and how it’s very important to get in touch with our former classmates.  His email address was on that list as was mine.  He saw mine and emailed me.  I did not see this email until late last night since it came to an email account I rarely use…or only use for solicitations.  Still, it was really cool to hear from him, especially after being asked for it by my other classmate.

Our little Zoe needs a helmet.  She is not a very bright little cat.  She and Chloe will be 6 months old next week and she keeps bonking her head on stuff.  Bob noticed that she also has a popped blood vessel in her right eye.  We don’t know how that happened.  It could have been from one of the dozens of times she conked her head.  It could be from the fights she has had with her sister.  Or it could be from any one of the many times Maisey has smacked her head with her paw of doom.  I think it’s from one of her many head conks.  Bob wonders why she keeps clocking her head and I think it’s because she isn’t aware of how big she has gotten.  She and Chloe are used to tearing around the apartment and running under furniture they no longer fit under.  I think she is not aware of her size and now and tries to run under and around things that have openings smaller than she is and instead of succeeding in fitting, she bashes herself in the head.  Poor little stupid kitty.  Hopefully she will learn that she is too big to fit in these places anymore and stop trying to get in there.  I told Bob we will have to cover her head in bubble wrap.  He said we should invent a helmet for her.  I told him someone probably already has…and I was right: http://www.zoomergear.com/product.html.  They don’t show cats with them on, but still…someone has invented helmets for pets.

Tomorrow was supposed to be my last day here.  I still don’t know what I’m going to do.  Bob said I should look into National Camera Exchange or a local portrait studio to see if there are any openings/apprenticeships to be had and use the knowledge I learn there to build my own business.  I recently learned that our pastor’s daughter who is probably all of 23 just bought her own portrait studio and is doing that for a living.  I wish I had that kind of moxie…and money.  It makes me believe in myself a little less though.  If some 23 year old twerp can do it and make a go of it than what am I doing thinking of trying my hand at it?  I’m almost twice her age for heaven’s sake.  Oh well, we’ll see what happens. Next week is our annual United Way week of caring and I am once again auctioning off my time as a photographer for someone’s party, family gathering, etc.  It’s been a successful prize 2 years in a row.  I hope it continues this year as well.

Weird But Cool

The weirdest thing happened to me yesterday.  First, some back story.  In the summer of 1984, I went on a mission trip to Brazil with 8 other people.  One of the 8 was our leader, two others were chaperones of a type and the rest of us were school mates about to enter our junior or senior years in high school.  The trip was amazing and life changing though the bonds we formed as a group didn’t really stretch beyond graduation.  Fast forward to this summer.  One of the guys (Ron) who went on that trip moved back to Southern WI and through a series of coincidences contacted me via email.  We haven’t corresponded regularly, but we have kept in touch, which has been nice.  He was a classmate though he moved before we graduated from high school so he didn’t get the invite to the 20^th reunion.  I did send him the link to the photos I took and he wrote back asking for the email addresses for various and sundry classmates.  He asked for the email of a specific classmate(Paul).  This classmate was also on our Brazil trip but I haven’t seen or heard from him since graduating from high school.  I had not yet emailed Ron back to tell him that I had no way to contact Paul, but it was on my list of things to do.  NOW comes the weird part.  I checked my email yesterday and in my in-box was an email from Paul, the guy I had not heard from since graduation. He emailed me to see how I am and if I am in contact with anyone from our Brazil trip.  Is that not weird?  I don’t know how he found me or my email address but I did ask him if I could pass his email along to Ron.  I emailed Ron with the info.  Stuff like this happens a lot to me. I am, in some way or another, frequently bringing people together.  Cool, huh?

I don’t think my toe is broken.  It is puffy and red and still hurts, but it’s not 27 different shades of blue and it doesn’t hurt as much as it did yesterday.  I think I jammed it pretty good though.

I watched the season premiere of Gilmore Girls last night and was disappointed.  Even though I didn’t always like how Amy Sherman-Palladino or her husband Daniel wrote, they were both a heck of a lot better than what was shown on TV last night.  It was as if the writers were trying to copy the breezy, heavy on dialog, quippy writing of ASP, but all they ended up with was a character giving a monologue to another character who would then give a monologue.  It was very much a show trying to copy what the creators started without the talent and tools the creators had.  If this show doesn’t pick up and find its pace again, I’m done.

I think I am getting a cold.  I went to bed stuffy last night and woke up with a scratchy throat and stuffy sinuses.  It is too early in the season to get sick.  Blech.  I hate being sick and refuse to bow to a cold.  At least not before the snow flies.

I think maybe Bob and I will go to Redstone for our anniversary. It’s nice enough without being pretentious and I don’t think it will scare Bob with its menu choices.  Plus, it’s not that far from where we live so we can eat and come home and continue with the anniversary celebrations, if you know what I mean.  Heh.  If you happen to have other suggestions, I am still up for them.  Leave a comment.  I am going to continue the tradition of driving to the bakery that baked our wedding cake and picking up some cupcakes or a small cake for our anniversary.  They make the BEST cake and it’s a nice reminder of our wedding.  If you live near Brooklyn Park, stop by Jack’s Bakery and have some cake.  You don’t need an excuse to celebrate.  Celebrate anything…celebrate cake itself.

Goodness

Goodness Gracious where have I been?  Not lazy and not ill…just not here.

Friday I ran all kinds of errands after work.  I had a $25 Home Depot gift card and needed some shelving for our storage room, so off I went.  I am in love with Home Depot now.  Did you know you can get bulbs for your garden there?  Tulip, Crocus, Iris, Daffodil, and more!  Also, bath tubs and toilets and cabinet knobs and paint.  Who knew?  I haven’t set foot in a Home Depot in since…ever I think.  Never needed to go and now I can think of all kinds of things I need from there.  I did manage to leave there only spending $20 of my own money after applying the gift card to my purchase.  I got some cheapy plastic shelving for our storage area and a knob for our bathroom cabinet.

The rest of the weekend I was a busy, busy gal.  I rearranged our 2^nd bedroom/office so it is more conducive to Bob’s eBay storage, shipping, receiving, printing, weighing, and computing.  He likes it but is a little freaked out by the changes and can’t find anything.   I moved everything out of the closet in there and either put it in the Goodwill pile, the storage room pile, the move to another area pile, or the garbage pile.  I pulled Bob’s dresser out of our closet and put it against the wall next to my dresser and put all our clothes, sheets, towels, and bedding in our bedroom closet.  (No small feat since it’s tiny.) 

I also rearranged our living room (yes again!), kitchen, and pantry.  I made similar piles and was able to take a GOB of stuff to Goodwill.  Lastly, I pulled everything from our storage room, put the shelves together, and restocked it all organizing it by things we want to keep but never use (a few boxes); Photos, poems, writings, journals and the like (several boxes); camping and outdoor gear (most of which is still in Bob’s van from this summer; and Christmas decorations (which surprisingly get a whole shelf unto themselves).  The storage area is a thing of beauty to behold.  I wanted to take a photo, but even I am not all that self impressed enough to think the internets are longing to see my mad storage area organization skillz.

I have not unpacked very much yet.  Mostly our books and things that had been stored in any of the areas I cleaned out and reorganized. All our knickknacks, photos, wall hangings, and fancy glassware is still packed.  The rest of the place looks amazing.  Now all I need to do is call the carpet cleaners.  Anyone had any experience with carpet cleaners in the Twin Cities?  Who do you recommend?  Who do you not?  Leave a comment.

Speaking of recommendations, Friday is our 5^th wedding anniversary.  Bob said I could pick the restaurant…any one I wanted.  I am toying with the idea of going here: http://www.biella-restaurant.com.  But maybe Bob isn’t ready for anything quite that fancy.  Any suggestions?  Leave a comment.  Thanks!

I think I broke my toe this morning.  I had just awoken and sprung from my bed when I bonked my pinky toe against the wheel/frame of Bob’s hospital bed.  I heard it crunch and it throbbed.  It swelled a little before I put sock and shoe over it but it has continued to throb all day.  Occasionally I will bump it or curl my toes and a bright, hot light of pain shoots through my toe and up my leg.  Can’t wait to get home and see it.

I got a call last night from a friend.  She left a message on our voicemail saying a third friend of ours had been mugged on her way to work yesterday.  I tried to call the friend who was mugged but just got her voicemail.  I tried to call the friend who originally alerted me and just got her voicemail.  No idea if my friend is OK, where she was, what happened or anything.  I hope to find out more tonight.  Yikes!

Last night I watched Heroes on NBC.  I was prepared to hate it but I found myself oddly intrigued.  However, the one single Mom character’s super power confuses me.  How is seeing your mirrored reflection as a separate entity considered a super power?  How are you a hero by blacking out and waking to find 2 dead guys by you?  I really like the Japanese guy.  He is so full of hope and wonder and excitement.  The unbreakable cheerleader is cute but I am constantly averting my eyes because of all the bones she is poking back into her body. Gah!  Anyway, I may be tuning in again.  I did see that they are showing the pilot again tonight though.  What is up with that? I also watched Studio 60 on the Sunset Trip and LOVED it yet again.  I am hooked on that show so far.  Tonight begins the new season of the Gilmore Girls. 

So, isn’t this exciting?  I rearranged, purged, reorganized, and cleaned. I broke my toe, and I like TV and the new fall schedule.  Oh, and I need help picking a restaurant for our anniversary dinner.  Thanks for stopping by.

 

Doing Better

Hey all!  I need to update just to tell you all that I am doing much better and most of the credit must go to my saintly husband Bob.  He is amazing and I was doing the best thing ever by marrying that man 5 years ago a week from today.  He continually tells me how much he loves me and how proud he is of me and how he will always be for me and never against me.

I also owe my better mood to Kathy at http://kitchenlogic.diaryland.com/index.html and Lap at http://mommylap.diaryland.com/index.html.  They know how to cheer a gal up and that is with Thai curry chicken at Big Bowl. I am eating the leftovers for lunch today.  Yum.  Plus, that sweet Kathy uses pretty blue beads to make me cheery.  Thanks you wonderful women!

I promise that I will tell you about my high school reunion weekend in my next entry.  And I will include photos.  And I will say that the person who told me that the men are the hardest to recognize at the 20^th reunion was exactly right.

It is supposed to rain all weekend.  Right now it is dark as night and foggy to boot.  I am going to take this weekend to purge all the crap and clutter from our apartment and unpack, reorganize, and rearrange our stuff.  Maybe then I will feel better about staying.

Thanks for all the kind notes you guys sent my way.  I just wanted you to know that I am doing better. 

Timeline of the Day From Hell

7:00am  Check work voicemail, receive message from new manager saying she needs me to call her as soon as possible.

7:10am  Call new manager.  Am informed that she contacted HR and was told I am on written warning and am not eligible to apply for new job postings and she has to rescind the job offer.  Ask if I can reapply after my warning period is up. She tells me yes, but I sense she will not hire me now, no matter what.

7:15am  Call my friend and Co-worker, Meg and ask her to meet me in the break room.

7:20am  Cry on Meg’s shoulder.

7:30am  Sit at desk and try not to cry.

7:35am  Send my manager an email telling her not to bother to announce my departure since the job offer was rescinded.

7:36am  Receive email from Manager asking if I want to talk. Reply that no, thank you, I don’t.

7:40am  Send email to family and friends telling them I no longer have the job.

7:45am  Email HR representative and ask if there is anything to be done.

7:45am-5:00pm   Receive various and sundry emails expressing sympathy and condolences.

8:00am-Noon     Try to work at tasks and jobs set before me without breaking down or crying like a fool.

Noon – 12:45    Drive home for lunch, crawl into bed with Bob and cry for 45 minutes.

12:45pm Drive back to work with red, puffy eyes and sniffles.

1:00pm  Get to desk just in time for conference call.

1:01pm-1:45pm   Sit at desk and listen to inane yammering of conference call.

1:50pm  Receive call from Bob regarding an unspecified financial crisis that were the direct cause of my misuse/miscalculation.

2:00pm  Sit at desk and have a silent nervous breakdown

2:10pm  Go to bathroom to shake and cry

2:15pm  Email counselor to see if she has time to meet with me today.

2:20pm  Call HR rep and ask if he got my email.  Talk with him about what is to be done.  He looks over HR policy and reads that there is no policy about not being eligible to post for job openings when on formal warning, but you must disclose a formal warning during the interview process.  He suggests that the new manager must have just said that to spare my feelings since once she saw I was on formal warning and hadn’t disclosed it to her she just didn’t want me on her team.  He did suggest calling or emailing her and apologize for the miscommunication and explain the policy and ask her if she would like my HR rep to talk to her HR rep.

2:30pm  Compose well worded apology email explaining what happened.  Include disappointment over the whole episode and ask if there isn’t anything I can do to rectify the situation.  Explain HR policy as understood by my HR rep and ask if he can contact her HR rep.

2:35pm  Receive receipt of email read by new manager and never hear anything from her again.

2:45pm  Receive email from counselor saying she can see me at 5pm.

2:46-5:00pm     Try to work as if whole world isn’t falling apart.  Try to stop voices in head from saying what a loser I am.  Try to stop that song that says, “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” from running nonstop through my brain.  Try to stop thinking of ways to end my life.  Try to stop thinking of all who would benefit from my being gone from this planet. Pack up desk in case I did decide to kill myself so Bob wouldn’t have to come to work and do it himself.  Send email to 2 friends who want to meet for dinner the following night including my home and cell phone in case I did kill myself and didn’t show up at dinner.

4:55pm    Call Bob and tell him I will be at counseling.

4:58pm    Drive to counseling.  Consider driving off bridge over interstate.

5:01pm    Follow counselor into her office, sit down on her couch and commence sobbing.

5:02-5:50pm     Spend the next 50 minutes telling my counselor that I no longer want to live, don’t deserve to live, would be better off by ending my life, crying, sobbing, trying to hide, wishing floor would open up and swallow me up, feel lost, hopeless and thoroughly rejected.  Sob about how no one wants me anymore.  Receive phone numbers and directions to check self into hospital.  Tell counselor I cannot check into a hospital because I cannot miss any more days from work and would most assuredly lose this job if I went to hospital.  Assure her that death was a better option.  Hear her tell me that death is a permanent solution to temporary ills and offer other options.

5:51pm   Call Bob to come and get me because counselor will not allow me to drive home in my own car considering my state of mind.

5:55pm    Bob picks me up and drives me home.

6:00pm    Bob outlines plan to overcome financial crisis which also includes not buying the condo. Realize I have lost my new job and new

home all in one day.  Look at half our stuff packed in boxes and realize everything will have to be unpacked and re-organized.

6:15pm  Bob tenderly and lovingly holds me and tells me he loves me.  He tells me he is for me and will never be against me.  He tells me he can be angry with me and still love me and want what is best for me.  He tells me he doesn’t want me to end my life and that he hopes I can put the events of this day behind me and gather strength and go on.  He rubs my feet throughout all of this.

6:30pm  Bob steers me to bed and holds me while I lay in his arms and cry.

7:00pm  Bob takes a nap while I go and open a new bottle of wine.

7:00-9:00       I drink the whole bottle of wine.

9:15pm  I feel sick, bring back some of the wine and stagger off to bed.

9:30pm  Crawl into bed, feeling miserable and sick.  Realize that this is the end of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Bad News

I got a call today from the woman who was to be my new boss.  She rescinded the job offer because she heard from HR and it seems because I am on formal warning I am not eligible to reply to job postings or to change jobs until warning has passed.  I did not know this.  I am not sure when my formal warning is over.  I explained to the woman why I was on formal warning and asked if I may please reapply when I am no longer on formal warning.  She said I could but now I doubt she’ll look at me again. I am here until I die.  I have to start all over.  I don’t know when formal warning is over.  What a giant mess.

Hurting

I will recap the reunion weekend soon but I have something else rolling around in my brain and I need to sort it out.  The reunion was fun and the trip home was fast.  I am exhausted.

What has been rolling around in my brain…what I cannot stop thinking about is Loud Girl laughing and clapping and cheering with Manager about the “good news” they can celebrate in addition to her new job.  Bob has said that it is possible they were talking about something else.  While it is possible, I think it is highly improbable.  The timing was all too convenient.  I got the call from my new boss offering me the job.  Then she wanted to talk to Manager and work out the details about how much notice I need and my end date here before starting at New Department.  Once Manager hung up the phone, she talked to Loud Girl in hushed tones and then Loud Girl began her crowing and celebrating.  I have to say that it hurt then and it hurts now.  It hurts because this means Manager has been confiding in Loud Girl about me and apparently her confidences haven’t been favorable.  It hurts because Manager was supposed to be a safe person for me.  It hurts because Loud Girl has never been a safe person for me and in fact has felt more like an enemy.  It hurts because I didn’t want to be “that person”.  You know, that person that brings calamity and pain to their work environment.  That person that causes eye rolls and sighs of impatience and frustration from her co-workers.  Apparently I am that person to Loud Girl and Manager and who knows who else.  It just hurts.  And it hurts because my boss has befriended and confided in the one person who hates me about the things she dislikes about me.  This gives Loud Girl more fodder to hate in me.  I am considering talking to an HR representative about this.  It doesn’t seem right that my boss should get to confide in anyone not her superior about me.  For sure I will be discussing it with my counselor today.

NEWS!

I got the job!  I will be working for Big Bank Co’s Insurance department again as an Insurance Rep 2.  I start October 2^nd.  I will have a commute.  I will have a new opportunity to make a good impression.  I will have new opportunities to advance.  I will have new opportunities to earn new licenses.  I will meet new co-workers and hopefully make new friends. I am so looking forward to this.

On the not so great side, I am sure my boss confided to her confidant loud girl about my departure because after they came back from their smoke break, loud girl kept going on and on about how happy she was for my boss at the good news and how now she had two things to celebrate.  Um, can we say “HR issue”?

Anyway, I just happy that I only have 2 weeks left here.  I have to get busy writing up everything I do and how I do it.

That's Lifef

I’ve never been so glad to see a Friday in my life.  Well, except for last week.  And maybe the week before last.  And the week before that.  However, I awoke this glad Friday morning with my princess lady time well in motion.  Blech.  The Extra Strength Midol is just baaaarely working.  Nothing I like more than driving 250 miles with princess lady time cramps.  Can’t. Wait.  Why can’t we go back to the time of the red tent?  When all the women would gather together and minister to one another, massaging, and rubbing, and resting, and caring for each other all through their princess lady times.  Women looked forward to their monthly periods then.  I think it’s time to bring back the red tent.  Although now maybe a salon spa could take the place of the red tent.  Is this what Elizabeth Arden meant when she created Red Door?

I got a voicemail from one of the women who interviewed me asking me to inform my manager that I am a finalist for this position.  I emailed her back and said I would happily inform her but I would like more information about what being a finalist entails.  Is there a timeline I should be aware of?  Is there another interview?  Does being a finalist mean I will get the job?  I have not yet heard back from her.  Once I do, I will let my boss know.  There is another gal at work that is looking.  She came over to our place last night so I could help her with her resume and teach her how to look for job openings on our online postings site.  Her boss is my boss’s boss and she knows that this gal is looking.  Once I let my boss know, they will know that at least 2 of us are looking which leaves them with a team of 7 out of 9 plus 3 managers.  We just lost 2 others. Our department is slowly dwindling.

Right after work I am leaving for my home town for reunion weekend.  I am so tired, I hope I can make the drive without having to pull over and nap.  I did stop at the library last night and pick up a couple of books on tape to help with the drive, so that is good.  Having my period does not help.  However, loads and loads of caffeine might make a difference.  It will help keep me awake AND shrink my nerve endings thus eliminating some of my pain.  Oh, sweet caffeine.

Today is loud girl’s last day.  Yay!  She is having a big going away party at a local bar after work.  Many of us were not invited yet she talks about tonight’s party and the fun that will be had and the people that are invited ad nauseum.  I think it is rude to discuss this loudly in front of people not invited.  Not that I (nor would anyone else) attend if we were invited, but it still hurts to be excluded.  She seems to get off on the power she feels from excluding people.  Whenever one of her friends visits her in her cube, she laughs loudly and then looks around to see who might have noticed.  When I am talking to my manager who is one of loud girls friends, she often comes over to get her to go for a smoke break and tells me my manager will finish with me when they get back.  She can’t go anywhere by herself.  I will not be sad to see her go.  The ironic-y thing is that the department she is moving to is the same department I am now a finalist for.  We would be working in separate areas and separate buildings but once a quarter we will see each other at teambuilding events.  Oh well.  That’s life. 

Dreams

Oh, I forgot to write this down.  As tired as I’ve been I’ve been having weird dreams.  Last night I dreamt that it was the day after my birthday and I had completely forgotten about my birthday at all until a friend wished me an apologetic belated greeting.  After that I felt horrible because everyone, including me forgot my birthday.  I kept saying that, “This is the first time I’ve ever forgotten my birthday.”  And it wasn’t so much that.  It was that everyone else forgot.  I woke up with a horrible let-down/rejected feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Thankfully I had more time before my alarm went off and didn’t have to start my day with that on the brain.

However, the worst dream was the night before last.  I dreamt that someone gave Bob a boat but for him to get in the boat, he had to maneuver himself in a couple of dangerous positions.  I watched him go through these machinations with fear and fright and just when I thought he’d be safe, he fell into the water.  Some friends who were with us pulled him out and put him to bed. He was unconscious.  I kept asking if we shouldn’t call an ambulance but no one thought it was necessary.  I thought he might have a concussion but no one else seemed concerned.  I sat by his bedside holding his hand and willing him to wake up but he never did.  In my heart I knew I should take him to the hospital but I didn’t have a car and no one would drive us.  After a while I went out into the yard where some family members were watching our daughter play.  However, they weren’t watching her carefully and she toddled off on her toddler legs and fell down a rocky cliff.  I screamed at the family members and asked how they could let her fall.  I woke from this dream feeling fear and grief from what had happened to Bob and from what had just happened to our daughter.  I was also confused as to why our family was not as concerned about us as we thought they should be.  It was very weird and not a good way to wake up.

I've Gotta See More Sunrises

This morning’s sunrise was spectacular.  It was so beautiful I wanted to call everyone and tell them to look to the east.  When I got to work, I stood in the window near my desk on the 13^th floor and watched the sun rise over the downtown skyline.  The sky was brilliant orange, pink, red, and yellow.  The sun was first red, then orange, then pinkish, and then more yellow.  It rose into a low hanging bank of clouds and while it disappeared from view, the sky stayed painted pink and orange and pumpkin. It was a lovely way to start the day.

I got a lot more packing done last night.  A co-worker showed me where a bunch of boxes were stored in our basement storage room for trash take out.  Many of them had handles and lids. I grabbed as many as I could fit in my car.  They are perfect for all our books and games.  I learned early that you don’t want to fill large boxes with books because then the box is too heavy to lift.  Anyway, I was able to get all of our books packed as well as the rest of all our wall hangings and pictures and our games. Tonight after I pack for my trip to WI, I want to pack all my cookbooks, my crockery, and the things I have stored in our china cabinet.  Then I will feel better about going away this weekend instead of staying home and getting more packing done.

The kitties are a little excited and freaked out.  Bob had to help one of the kittens out of a very tall box.  Apparently she was able to jump in it but not able to get out and sat there crying for who knows how long until he heard her.  Curious little monkeys!  They are apparently feeling much better after their surgeries as they are back to running around like banshees and jumping on beds as if they were trampolines.  Last night as I folded laundry, Zoë plopped herself down on a pile of warm, folded towels and watched me as if she were memorizing my folding techniques.  That or she was making sure I was doing it right.

So the powder seems to be working on my belly button.  I haven’t had to try the cream yet and shouldn’t need it if the powder works.  It doesn’t smell.  I mean the powder doesn’t have a smell, but my belly button doesn’t smell either so that’s good. I start tapering off my Celexa on Saturday.  I start taking half of them each day for a week. Then I take a half Celexa on one day and a half Zoloft the next day for a week and then a half Zoloft every day for the next week and then full dose Zoloft ever after.  Bob was surprisingly thrilled I had agreed to change my antidepressant.  I had no idea he had been praying for me to do so for months.  Silly boy, say something next time.

I am nervous about my second interview today.  I don’t feel rested and I feel like I am asked the same things and come up with the same rote answers every time.  I know that is part of the interview process but it is getting tedious.  Plus, in light of the new things I am discovering about myself in counseling, I realize I am not very good at selling myself right now.  How can you sell something you hate to someone and expect them to get excited about it and see it as a good thing?  Anyway, we’ll see what happens.  No matter what, there are only 2 more days of loud girl here in my office!  Whoot!

Today is as lovely as a day you could ever hope for.  It is sunny with deep blue skies and a cool warmth that signals the beginning of autumn. GORGEOUS!

I was given about a dozen boxes at work today.  They all have covers and handles and are sturdy.  These are the best boxes to use when moving.  I guess they were used to store some files but those files were shredded and the boxes were up for grabs so I got them.

I went to the doctor last night and the verdict is…a yeast infection in my belly button.  Blech.  I was given an RX for both a powder and a cream.  Oh!  And I talked to my doctor about my antidepressant.  I am going to change to Zoloft and see if that helps me feel less anxious and depressed.  I am slowly weaning off the Celexa and will slowly pick up the Zoloft.  Hopefully it will make a difference.

I dream about painting our condo as I fall asleep at night.  I am leaning more towards a warm pumpkin color for our living/dining room area than the purple I originally thought I wanted.  It might go better with our yellow kitchen.  I still am not sure about the main bathroom.  Maybe an almondy-green color.  I like sage, but it might clash with some of the stuff I have.  Still, for sure the kitchen will be yellow and the bedroom blue.  The office/2^nd bedroom will also be blue, but I am hoping to paint it a different blue than the bedroom.  Man, I wish we had unlimited funds so I could gut the place, redo everything, get all new window treatments and furniture and move in.  Ha! 

I have a second interview tomorrow for the job I would most like to get.  I haven’t heard anything from the gal I interviewed with on Monday even though I emailed her a list of references and faxed her a copy of my last review.  I have another interview on Monday with another lady from another department.  This job changing is slow going.

Only 3 more days until my 20^th class reunion.  I have no idea what to expect except that it will be casual.  They are holding it in the banquet room of our town’s local bowling alley.  I know of at least 3 girls who will be there but other than that, I am at a loss.  I will take pictures of course.  Bob is not coming with me but he was able to bow out only because he promised to pay close attention and sit patiently though the photo slide show I will bring home with me.  It will be a fast trip.  I am leaving after work on Friday which means I won’t get to my folks’ house until after 10.  Saturday morning I am meeting a friend.  Saturday afternoon I am going to my nephew’s football game.  Then I have to find time to get a manicure and some new makeup before the reunion at 7.  Then Sunday is church, lunch with the family, and I hit the road for Minnesota.  Whew!  No rest for the weary this weekend.

Bob (and I) got a little a surprise today when our mortgage lender emailed me at work to say we owe nearly $400 for an appraisal and credit report.  We weren’t expecting this and can probably come up with it, but since we weren’t expecting it, we haven’t budgeted accordingly. Bob is afraid they will nickel and dime (hundred and thousand) us all the way up to closing.  However, all is not lost. I called our realtor and she said that is part of the closing costs and we are in a no closing cost loan.  She said that he usually waives that fee for first time home buyers though so she was going to call and see if she could get that waived for us.  Cool.  Bob feels MUCH better now, as do I.  This is all new to us and we have NO idea what to expect. Thank GOD we have an awesome realtor who takes the time to walk us through each aspect of this new experience.  She is amazingly patient, wise, and helpful.  I don’t know what we would do without her.

Today Is Better

Today is better.  At least there is sun for the first time in 4 days.  Sheesh.  It seems as though the state fair ended, school started, and we fell right into fall.  What happened to easing into a season?  What happened to Indian summer?  At least our new place comes with a wood burning fire place.  Nothing makes cold fall nights better than a roaring fire.  And some s’mores.

Friday was payday.  In looking over the budget, Bob decreed that I could use $100 to get some new fall clothes.  (I called it going school shopping.)  After work on Friday, I beat a trail to the mall.  First I had a lovely meal in the food court.  This particular mall was redone a few years ago and the food court is now all fancy.  It was done in a sort of mission/craftsman style and feels comfortably elegant.  There is even a large fireplace.  The food is still food court food though. Nothing fancy there.

After my meal, I made a bee-line to CJ Banks, my new favorite store.  The new clothes always capture my gaze and attention but I have found I can get more for my money by searching the clearance racks.  I tried on about 30 pieces of clothes and came away with 3 tops, 2 pants, 1 skirt, and 1 dress.  All within the $100 leeway Bob set for me.  Score!  I wanted a new dress for a wedding I was attending the next day and an outfit for my reunion next weekend.  I got it all and more.  I love shopping there.

After the clothes shopping, I went to Cub to stock up on more deals.  The new coupon books were mailed out and they had several “buy one/get one free” deals on products we often use.  I ended up with $100 of groceries but only paid $60 because everything in my cart either had a buy one/get one or had another coupon for money off.  Score, again!

After all that shopping, I went home and put everything away.  Then, in preparation for the wedding and reunion, I set about to tackle the Amazon that is my eyebrow region.  I plucked and tweezed for an hour and a half and came away with 2 somewhat proportional eyebrows.   Usually, when I get fed up with the unibrow, I convince Bob to let me get them waxed.  However since groceries and clothing had eaten a good chunk of our disposable income, I did not feel like taking his good will for granted and asking for that luxury this time.  Of course the next day I had a dozen little white zits dotting my brow zone.  So it seems I either need to learn to deal with a vast forest of brow hair or a mine field of zits.  Nice.  What is up with those little white zits that pop up after plucking? 

Saturday was spent either primping/prepping for the wedding, at the wedding, or at the reception.  It was a lovely affair.  Please click my Flickr badge to see the photos I took.  The bride was radiant and her dress, beautiful.  The groom was happy and seemed lost in the notion that this lovely woman next to him was his forever.  It was sweet.  They took a horse and carriage from the wedding to the reception.  The reception was swanky and had a cash bar.  (Free beer and soda, though.)  I had my first ever real grown up drink that wasn’t wine.  A friend ordered a Tanqueray and Tonic with a twist of lime.  I ordered the same.  It was strong.  It was OK.  I think it might be better with 7-Up.  I realized later that it was just a gin and tonic.  But a Tanqueray sounds better.  Anyway, we ate, drank, laughed, and danced.  I took pictures.  It was a lot of fun and I was/am very happy this couple found each other and allowed us all to share in their love.

Sunday was errand and cleaning day.  Bob went to work and I ran errands and cleaned.  Then I got a bug up my behind and started packing.  I packed all our knick knacks, candles, wall hangings, photos, CDs, and DVDs.  I figure if I start now, I can organize, clean, and label everything accordingly and have time to do it right.  Oh, and because of the cool weather, I found a bunch of lovely little centipedes looking for a warm home to snuggle up in.  Gah!  Nothing I hate more than centipedes. *shiver* I also put a reservation on a Budget moving truck.  I started out Googling U-haul but before I found their reservation site, I stumbled across many a complaint and grumbling about them and their business practices.  We used them for our last big move 4 years ago, but rather than deal with a moving nightmare, I thought I would play it safe and go with Budget.  Their cost estimate was better anyway and it’s less than I was expecting.

Yesterday was work and another interview.  I’m not sure about this one.  The woman who interviewed me was nice, but seemed kind of distant and evasive.  Oh well.  I have a second interview on Thursday for the job I am most interested in.  Yesterday was also about counseling.  I am learning that my self hatred goes back farther than I can remember and permeates every pore in my body and every thought in my head.  Everything I think, do, and say is a direct result of my own self loathing in one way or another.  Now I need to work on finding that root and hacking it up to pieces and replanting self love in its place.  Whatever.  38 years of self hate is not going to go away overnight.  Though I wish it would.

I got home last night and found the soup I had heating in the crock pot had noodles in it and I had forgotten.  They were giant and rubbery.  I tossed that and made spaghetti with canned sauce and frozen meatballs.  I made some garlic crescent rolls and a bagged salad and called it dinner.  It was actually very good and it hit the spot on a cold, drizzly day.  After dinner I packed more boxes before hitting the hay by 8:30.  I had to kick all the cats out of our room at midnight because the kittens were wound up and playing trampoline on my bed.

Today I am finally going to see my doctor regarding my stinky, infected belly button.  The stink and funk went away for a couple of weeks but they came back this weekend.  Now it even hurts a little.  Bob thought I had been living with it like this since the last time it happened and was angry I hadn’t seen a doctor prior.  So, I’m off to show my doctor my red, infected, stinky belly button.  Oh joy.

There isn’t much news on the condo purchase.  I think we are in the waiting phase of the purchase.  I had heard the sellers wanted to move up the closing but after I said we probably could move it up a week, maybe two, I haven’t heard anything.  I really want to get in there and paint.  At this point I know I want to paint the master bed and bath blue with white trim.  I want to paint our kitchen yellow and our cabinets white.  I want to paint the second bathroom a sage green or maybe almond.  Bob wants the office to also be blue…maybe a darker color than the bedroom.  However, I cannot decide on a color for the living/dining/main hallway.  I was leaning towards a periwinkle or light purpley color but now I think I might like a nice pumpkin or cinnamon color.  I am getting slipcovers for our couch and loveseat and can get anything to go with whatever color we end up using in there.  Maybe I should go to Homedepot and look at some color chip things.  I just want our new home to be warm and inviting no matter the color.

Where Were You?

I had a really busy, productive weekend, but on this 5th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, it seems trite to recount my shopping prowess or my weekend antics. So today I will just write what I remember about 5 years ago today.

I was driving to work. It was sunny, warm, and had all the makings of a beautiful pre-fall day. I don't remember what I was thinking about but most likely, I was consumed with the preparations for my wedding which was just 18 days away.

While sitting in morning rush hour traffic, listening to the local news/talk station, they reported that a plane had crashed into one of the twin towers in New York City. At this time they thought it was an accident. Pilot error. They hadn't broke into national news coverage yet. I got to work, went about my normal morning routine, and turned the radio on as was my practice.

One of my co-workers came in to chat with me as he usually would. We talked about the plane crash and other news items of the day, and he asked about the wedding plans. As we were chatting, another co-worker came in and said a second plane had crashed into the other tower and that they were saying it was no accident.

I was working as the office administrator for an insurance company at this time. Tuesdays were our usual day for an all staff meeting. There was always a sales tape they needed to watch so a TV was on hand. One of the agents turned on the TV and as the staff arrived for the meeting, they gathered in the main area of our office to watch the events unfold on TV.

I will never forget the footage showing people leaping and/or falling from those buildings. We were all numb. No one said anything. We just watched with stares of the unbelieving. Not believing this was happening. How could this happen?

The big bosses showed up for the meeting and while all the agents were reluctant to leave the meeting, the bosses said this doesn't change anything. Yet we all felt it changed everything. How could we go on with business as usual when the world was falling apart? The bosses seemed so callous. They acted as if what was happening in New York was happening in Israel or Pakistan. Yet it wasn't. It was happening here. It's bad enough when it happens there and God forgive us for turning a blind eye to the attrocities that happen anywhere but here.

Just before the meeting, we got a call from the home office in Chicago. They were located in the World Trade Center there and were evacuating. They told us that since they were shutting down, we should shut down. I think we were all relieved. Well, everyone except the bosses, that is. They were incensed that the home office was closing. We would lose business! There was money to be made! But they didn't argue (much) and sent everyone home.

I drove home in a daze. When I got home I turned on the TV and sat glassy eyed in front of it...not really seeing anything. I called Bob. I woke him up. I told him to turn on the TV and explained what was happening. He sobbed. We worried about his sister and her family who had just arrived in Hawaii for a dream vacation they had saved years for. We wondered if they would be stranded. I wondered out loud how this would affect the wedding in a little over two weeks. There was talk of not only closing airports and air travel but interstate travel as well. We had invited over 200 people to our wedding. All of my family was out of state.

I don't remember much more about that day. Just sitting in the recliner watching the TV. I don't remember when things got back to normal. I do know that our family was not stranded in Hawaii and that we had a lovely wedding with all of our family and friends. I also know that we felt so honored and privileged to be among our family and friends when so many others had lost those most precious to them.

For better or for worse the events of 9/11 will always be linked to our wedding anniversary. It was 5 years ago today that those towers fell and all those people died. In 18 days Bob and I will have been married for 5 years. Two complete different and separate events that will always be linked in time because they happened in September.

More For a Friday

There is actual stuff happening that I could write about and what do I put up?  A list.  Oh, and add to that list the fact that today’s high is only supposed to get to 68 but as of 2:30 it is only 61 degrees, cloudy, and blustery outside.  Brrrr.

Tomorrow I am attending the wedding of a co-worker.  I hope the weather is nicer.  I am going shopping tonight for something to wear to the wedding and maybe something to wear to my 20^th class reunion next week.  I am hoping to find something that has a nice top that can go with a pair of casual pants/slacks for the reunion and a skirt for the wedding.  I am not holding my breath.  It seems that I usually find the cutest and on sale stuff when I don’t need anything in particular.  It’s when I am hunting for clothes for specific occasions that I end up with bupkiss.

My cousin’s golden lab, BoDean passed away last night.  He was only 9.  He had had pneumonia this summer and a stroke 2 weeks ago.  Poor puppy.  My cousin is sad, but stoic and seems to be OK.

Our little kittens are healing OK from their surgeries.  Though Bob did have to take them in yesterday to get checked.  Chloe had ripped her sutures out the first day after surgery but Zoe just kept tugging on hers and her tummy was getting infected from the irritation.  We have been pouring hydrogen peroxide on her wound and that’s all the vet really recommended at this time.  Both kittens also have a swollen toe on one foot although Chloe’s has healed more rapidly than Zoe’s.  Plus Zoe was limping rather pointedly and we were concerned.  The vet said to continue with the peroxide and add some Neosporin.  Bob noticed that Zoe’s limp increased with the amount of attention she was getting from either one of us.  It’s true!  One minute she will be playing with Choe, batting at her fiercely and the next she will notice us watching and will walk on 3 legs across the room.  Faker.  So, at this point we are monitoring their wounds and cleaning them out with the peroxide and Neosporin.  They are getting more rambunctious with each passing day.

So the lady I interviewed with last week has been able to reach 2 of my references.  No word on when I might hear from her.  I was hoping it might be this week but since it’s after 2:30 on a Friday, that’s not looking so good.

 

Friday Fourteen

There used to be a Friday meme-type thing that was called the Friday Five.  Now there is one circulating that is called the Thursday Thirteen.  I missed that one by a day so today is going to be my own Friday Fourteen.

Fifteen reasons I know it’s now Fall/Autumn.  I know the calendar says it’s still summer but based on these clues, I think fall has already begun.  So lets slap a few falling leaves on this time of year and call it a season.  Much like I am slapping this together and calling it an entry.

1.)     School started.  Nothing says fall like big yellow buses full of freshly scrubbed, shiny-faced elementary school kids.  Although if you were to judge by the school supply aisle, you might think fall is over and Christmas is here.

2.)     Football is on TV.  I think you can find a game on TV every night of the week. 

3.)     High school football has begun.  Good luck finding a babysitter on Friday nights these next few months.

4.)     The new television season starts in two weeks!  I. Can’t. Wait.

5.)     They have closed the outdoor swimming pool at our apartment building.  Didn’t that JUST open it up?  Sure seems like it.

6.)     The leaves are changing colors.  The tree outside our apartment window has been turning red for over a month now.

7.)     I had to turn on the heat in my car on the way to work this morning.

8.)     I had to put on a sweatshirt in order to feel comfy leaving the warmth of our apartment this week.

9.)     I saw and heard a giant “V” of geese flying south yesterday.

10.)    No one is wearing sandals or open toed shoes to work any more.  Shoes of choice now include boots, sneakers, Docs, docksiders, Sketchers, and the like.

11.)    We don’t give one thought to using our oven to make dinner.  We rarely use it in the summer because of how quickly it heats the place and how slowly the place cools down afterwards.

12.)    The fall veggies have shown up.  Mmmmm, butternut squash.

13.)    Starbucks pumpkin spice lattes and pumpkin bread are back.

14.)    Brueggers pumpkin bagels and cream cheese are back.

Welcome to fall.