Nothing Left to Do But Wait

Well, the deed is done. I got Bob's sample in the cup and motored over to the clinic. As road tested yesterday, it took me 15 minutes door to door. I dropped off the sample and was told to come back in 2 hours. I decided to spend the time at the St. Paul Farmer's Market.

What a fabulous idea! Our day today is beautiful, perfect, sunny, and warm. I perused some of the booths and ended up picking up some new annuals to replace a couple that died this week. I got a pansy plant for a dollar! I also got a new gerbera daisy and a new snapdragon. Hope these do better than the ones that died. I have to be more diligent about keeping them watered I think.

Anyway, I also got a giant bag of fresh spinach for a dollar, a lovely bag of ruffly lettuce for two dollars, a large thing of strawberries, a large container of greenhouse tomatoes, a container of multi-colored peppers, and an English cucumber. All of this for under $25!

Once I was done at the market, I drove back to the clinic for the big procedure. The office was super quiet and I wondered if I was the only one there. They led me to a room that looks like every other exam room I've ever been in. I was told to undress from the waist down and get on the table. My nurse practitioner came in and told me that Bob's sample looked great! She said there was great motility, great numbers, and she couldn't be happier. I laughed and said that I thought it wasn't a very big sample and she said they didn't really need a very big sample.

She told me to lie back. I couldn't really see what she was doing and she didn't have me verify the sample or anything so for all I know she just injected me with air or some random sample. Heh. She used a speculum just like for a PAP smear. In fact, it felt rather similar to a regular PAP. It all took about a minute and a half. She said my cervix looked great and I'm to call on Monday and make an appointment for another FUS to make sure I did ovulate and everything is A-OK. She left me alone on the table for 15 minutes and then I took off.

When I left, all the lights were off in the lobby and there was NO one around. Spooky. I decided to drive to Trader Joe's to pick up some fresh fruit and mozzarella cheese. I managed to make it out of there only spending $20 and got some apples, a cantaloupe, some sweet corn, a small angel food cake to go with my farmer's market strawberries, some fresh salsa, blue corn chips, the cheese, and some frozen blueberries. Sweet!

The rest of the day will be spent putting up the fruit and veggies I bought, doing laundry, and replacing my dead flowers with the live ones I just bought. It will also be spent willing the sperm to swim to the egg and fertilize it.

I don't know if I should write this or not. On one hand, I want to make this a record of what we went/are going through in order to get pregnant and this is all part of that. However, I also wonder how much of what I feel and think is just emotion trying to get the better part of me. I am just going to go for it. One of the prayers I've been praying as we travel this road to conception, pregnancy, and parenthood is that it will be easy. So little in our married life has gone easy for us. I have been praying for an easy time. I know we are pursuing medical help and some may see that as NOT easy, but really, things have gone really, really well so far. Every time I've been to the clinic, the main comments have been how good everything looks and how easy the procedures have gone. When you think of all the things that could have happened to mess this up and not one of those things happened...it was just so easy. So far so good.

Still, there is this still, small voice inside of me that says this isn't going to be the time it works. It says next month won't take either. It says that August will be the magical month of conception. It also says that I am to prepare myself in these next three months by eating right, cutting out the sugar, caffeine, and processed foods. It says to keep up on the exercise and get rest. It says that the next three months will be key in preparing.

Now the rational part of me says I have been preparing. I am back on my vitamins, cut out the soda, am taking benefiber with folic acid, and am eating more fresh greens and lean meat. I am back to a high protein breakfast as well. I am doing what I know to do to make myself as healthy as I can be and who/what is this voice inside me anyway? Why can't this be easy? Isn't it about time we got something easily for a change? So I guess we will see what happens. I'm doing what I know to be right but hoping for the best this first time.