Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Sorry...Life Got In the Way

Its been a while, huh?  I am so excited for Memorial Weekend.  Three full days of nothing.  Nothing planned.  Nothing anticipated.  No requirements.  No responsibilities. No work and no school.  I. Cant. Wait.  Life has been too full and too busy these past couple of months and I am so happy to have three days of nothing.

Work has been getting me down lately.  Ive been here three years and things have changed so much in those three years, and not so much for the better.  The latest issue is frustrating for many.  Ive been seeing a counselor over my lunch hour about every other week.  Last week my bosss boss noticed I was in early and asked my boss why.  She did not know so she asked me.  I said I came in a half hour early because I had a lunch appointment and wanted to make up the time.  She said that I should let her know next time.  Fine.  I went to counseling and was back in time only to find a note on my desk asking me to meet my boss in her cube.  She wanted to know what was going on and what kind of appointment I had.  I told her it was personal and I did not want to divulge that information but it would be a standing appointment either every week or every other week.  She said that was not possible because per her boss, we could only make lunch appointments once per quarter without it affecting our PTO.  That equals to roughly once a month and I dont think I can do once a month counseling right now.  I need it too much to put three weeks between appointments.

Like a doofus, I started to cry.  I hate crying at work.  However, after counseling, I was about halfway there and hearing these things from my boss pushed me over the edge.  To her credit she just expressed concern and asked how she could help, but stated again that she had to know what kind of appointments were important enough for all of this.  So I told her that I was seeing a counselor and I needed to go once a week or once every other week.  She said she would talk to her boss and see if she could get it approved.  She ended up getting it approved, but made it known that they are already making an exception for me for my school.  I come in early on Monday and take a half hour lunch and leave early in order to get to school on time.  In all of this, I always give my employer 40 full hours of work.  I dont shortchange them and I dont ask them to pay me for time I havent put in.  My frustration comes in that I am an adult.  I frustrated with my boss and her boss policing my time.  As long as I come in early, stay late, or shorten my lunch and they are getting the full 40 I was hired to provide, I dont understand why there is an issue. This is not the only frustrating thing about work right now, but its the one thats in the forefront.

I was watching Dateline NBC on Sunday and they were interviewing Oprah.  She said something that resonated with me.  She said she knew she had to buy her own show and be her own boss because she never wanted to be in a position where her heart was calling her to something her bosses could put the kibosh on.  I wish I knew what I could do on my own so that I could answer my own hearts cry.


Rebecca in MO. said...

Was just watching Oprah's show with Anderson Cooper. He's led a very privileged life being the son of Gloria Vanderbilt. Anyway he always wanted to pull his own weight and when he "finished" with college asked his mom for advice on what he should do. She told him to follow his bliss. It took him awhile after to figure out what that was and the rest is history, you might say. You might be able to figure out what you need to do~~once you finish school. I think you probably have some gifts that you could market or put into a business plan. Foremost, consider praying about it!

Anonymous said...

It is SO important to find ways to answer your own heart's cry, even when the structures of the corporate world seem as if they are working against you. One thing I bear in mind when work is applying demands and pressures is to remember that they only "own" me for the hours of pay, and that I cannot and will not give away my PERSONAL power.
Just knowing that all of my hours outside the job are for me to pursue my own creative passions and interests helps me know that work is but one (necessary for the $$) element that my life is comprised of.
For what it's worth, there's my two cents!

Anonymous said...

Both entries above have some merit. When you "contract" to work for someone you do owe them your time and I think it's fair to say that you also owe them an explanation for the why of when you can't be there. You do state that you give them their 40 hours and that's a good thing. But "if" they require you to be there within a requisite time-frame then they aren't out of bounds in any way, It may be frustrating to you, but their time isn't your own.
Don't make it a power-play of wills. Be it said, once you have some cloat (your education completion) then you can make the changes of where your heart is leading you! To dig your heels now could be detrimental for your future.

lap said...

These appointments are within your FMLA rights I am pretty sure, but Big Bank seems so similar to the Bullseye Corp that I might be assuming. If the counseling is recommended by your doctor they need to give you the time, but won't pay you for it, which you already compensate for. Speak with HR yourself and find out what your rights are so you don't have to feel bullied and helpless.