Friday, November 09, 2007


You Are An ESFJ

The Caregiver

You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.
A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.
You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.
You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.

In love, you value harmony and mutual understanding.
You will apologize or give someone the benefit of the doubt, if it means getting over a fight sooner.

At work, you are good at building relationships and connecting with people.
You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

How you see yourself: Organized, dependable, co-operative

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Opinionated, critical, and know-it-all

It's interesting that I found this today. Yesterday in class we had to do a similar test called Myers-Briggs and it turned out the exact same way. I USED to be an ENFJ but somewhere along the line I changed to an ESFJ. Interesting.

I feel like I'm going crazy. Now that it's dark in the morning, I have to turn on the bedroom light to find clothes and get dressed. Bob called me at work Tuesday morning and asked that I just please be mindful of his still sleeping form and turn off the light as I exit the room. Not wanting to waste energy AND trying to be mindful of my still sleeping husband, I thought I HAD been turning off the light, but it would appear not. So yesterday I KNOW I turned off the light because he had mentioned it to me. Today I was equally as sure and yet he called me at work to tell me the light being left on woke him up. At first I laughed, like Ha ha...You're teasing me, right. But no, he was serious. I KNOW I turned off that light and yet he is telling me it was on. I actually started to cry because I KNOW I turned it off and he's calling me at work to bitch at me for leaving it on. I don't know what happened.

I DO know that I am not sending out Christmas cards or letters this year. This was supposed to be our year for either a baby or a pregnancy and since we have neither I just don't have the heart to send out one more lame letter about our year. I got an email from a longtime friend I hadn't heard from in a while announcing his son's nearing 2nd birthday and his wife's impending 2nd delivery of another son. Sigh. I know what their Christmas card will look like this year. But there will be none from us.

I hate being sad Amy. I hate that I can only be marginally happy for my friends and family. I hate hating my car because when I bought it 6 years ago, I bought it keeping safety in mind for when we had kids. I specifically got the package that included child safety locks and a car seat anchor for the seat belts in the back as well as the side impact air bags. I hate seeing someone and immediately thinking of their children and wondering what it would have been like to have gotten pregnant when they did and allowing our kids to play and grow up together. I hate that children and the thought and planning of them has permeated my life to such a degree that to face the future without them makes me feel little, lonely, and lost. It sucks the joy from life with such force it doesn't seem there is anything else supporting me. I hate that. But I don't know how to change it.

1 comment:

Barb said...

Hi Amy!

It's good you're getting your frustrations out. I'm in my 50's and have never had a child. I'm glad I'm OK with that.

You haven't said much about your gastric bypass. How is that going? Are you happy with the results? Can you eat normally?

Have a good weekend! I'm excited for you that you'll be getting your degree soon!Are you planning to go to graduate school?

Kind regards,